Pigs Do Fly
by littledragoneyes
Summary: What if LoTR characters live with you, but you don't know it until you're 25? What if Aragorn likes peanut butter?  Shelob likes cooking? Uncle Pig Fiddledrat LXXVII the spider? What? It's more than Dra can take on her birthday! Oh, BTW, pigs can fly.
1. Meet My New LoTR Buddies

Literally the most random thing that I thought up of. It's completely crazy - but I'll give it a try. :D

I have no idea if any other author on FFN has used this sort of story line. I think someone has, so if you did, sorry, my bad, all credit goes to you!

Enjoy and review! ;D

~littledragoneyes

Disclaimer: Absolutely nothing belongs to me. All goes to Mr. Tolkien himself. Except Dra Ashwood. She's MINE. Hee hee.

**Chapter 1:**

Let's just say that pigs do fly.

Yeah, I know, stupid. Pigs don't fly. Pigs don't have wings. Pigs are too fat to be capable of flying. Well, I didn't believe it before today. But now I do. So how's that for a change?

I fumbled around at seven in the morning, slipping on a bathrobe before going into the bathroom. My eyes were still half closed, but I didn't want to miss my favorite TV show that only came around on Saturday mornings, which the weekend was the only available time for me to really relax.

Rubbing my eyes like a little child, I opened them and blinked a few times, letting the light in my eyes and hopefully taking out the sleepiness in me. Then, opening the bathroom door, I closed it behind me only to hear a voice.

"Oh, good morning Dra. Had a good sleep?"

I let out a shriek and gawked at what I saw.

"Ouch, my ears. Must you scream that loud?"

Two small little...people...with hairy feet and curly hair looked up at me with bright eyes as they brushed their teeth at my sink. I was speechless for a few seconds before demanding, "Who are you? What are you doing in my house?"

One of them raised an eyebrow. "We've always been in your house." He said, spitting into the sink.

"Yeah," said the other, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "_Always._But we're invisible to you until you turn a certain age."

The other leapt towards me suddenly, scaring the hell out of me. I bit back a yelp. He wrapped his arms around my waist, toothpaste and soap on his toothbrush. I couldn't even look at his mouth. "Happy Birthday Dra! You're twenty-five!" He said excitedly.

I stared at them both with horror and alarm, though with curiosity. I stumbled over words. "H-how do you - I -"

"Oh, don't fret Dra. Why don't you go eat something? The others are downstairs."

"SAY WHAT?"

I exploded out of my room and sprinted down the stairs, nearly tripping over my bathrobe. They were right, whoever they were. I heard voices downstairs, some laughing, and I heard the clinks of glasses and plates and forks. That made my heart pound even faster.

I nearly slipped on the surprisingly smooth and clean floor as I raced to the kitchen and stared with absolute terror and shock at who were there.

Sure, there were two little guys upstairs in my bedroom...which was creepy enough. Here? In my kitchen? There were...let's count, shall we? One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, _twelve_people in my kitchen.

_Twelve people..._

"Holy..." I whispered.

Three of them turned and saw me, their eyes lighting up, followed by the rest of them. Why did all of them look so familiar?

Another person, a girl, rushed towards me, a glass of wine in her hand. I stared at the glass momentarily. I don't remember buying any wine. Anytime. But that was before soft and silky raven-colored hair blocked my vision. In my alarm she hugged me tight. "Oh, happy birthday Dra! You're twenty five!" She squealed.

Man, she squeezes hard...I felt like my ribs were cracking. I gave them all a strangled look, despite that I didn't know them. Or so I thought.

"Don't suffocate her, Arwen. We want Dra _alive_to meet all of us. And to celebrate her birthday." Someone else remarked cheerfully. "We've been dying for the chance to see us, right?

My eyes widened. _Arwen...holy hamburgers!_

I desperately yanked away from the hugging girl and stared at her with disbelief and wide eyes. "You're Arwen?" I said incredulously. "But - you're - "

She let out a laugh. It sounded like beautiful little silver bells tinkling in the gentle warm breeze. "Yes, I am Arwen Undomiel." She told me.

"B-but you - you're from Lord of the Rings! You're not supposed to be real!" I said.

Someone else behind her said, "Don't they always say that, Mr. Frodo?"

I stuck my head out to peer around Arwen's slim figure, and let out a yelp of surprise. "You're all from Lord of the Rings!" I said. "Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Elrond, Saruman, Boromir, Faramir, Rosie...Arwen!" But they were all in their modern day clothing too, which looked a little odd on them.

Aragorn grinned at me. "Yeah, and you might find some other people in the living room. They're watching TV. By the way, aren't you missing your favorite show?"

I bolted to the living room, but not because of my favorite show was probably already on, but...good lord.

"Hi Dra, happy birthday." Elrohir waved to me. Elladan, Eowyn, Eomer, Glorfindel, and Haldir lounged on the couch and on the chairs.

They all waved to me. "Fancy seeing us?" Glorfindel asked. "No, don't look surprised, this is absolutely normal."

I stared at them all. "Absolutely normal?" I repeated. "Beg pardon?"

Eowyn rolled her eyes at Glorfindel and smiled at me. "Don't worry, Dra. This is real. You're twenty five. When you turn twenty five, we appear to you! We used to be invisible and all. You'll get used to it in time." She tried to reassure me.

"But don't go around telling this to other people." Elladan warned me. "About one out of every 6.3 billion people have invisible people in their house until they're twenty five and have them stick around them for the rest of their lives. They could place you into a mental hospital for sure."

I finally found my mouth to speak, though I could barely take in a word they said to me. "I think I should place myself into a mental hospital." I mused to myself.

_How is this happening_, I thought to myself. _This is crazy...it has to be a dream..._

I yanked up my bathrobe sleeve and pinched myself on my arm. Hard. "Ouch!" I winced at the pain. Nope, not a dream.

"What did you do that for?" Eomer looked at me strangely.

I stared at them with a furrowed brow. "You're all real."

Haldir looked at from me, to the other people, a little dumbstruck at my comment. The others shrugged. "Of course we're real, Dra. Why wouldn't we be? Because after all, pigs do fly." He said brightly. "Right?"

That was when I became aware of something sitting on the carpet besides me. And it was purring. I didn't notice it before because I was too shocked and scared to notice anything. But now I do. And I'm freaking out...

Screaming, I nearly jumped a mile out of space and dove behind Legolas, who approached us from the kitchen to the living room.

"_What is that_?" I yelped as it stared at me with sad, puppy-like eyes. Legolas stared at me and the thing.

"A spider." He said simply.

"And can you tell me exactly why is a _spider_in my living room?" I shrieked, hysterical.

"Told ya you shouldn't have brought along old Shelob," Glorfindel told the Elf. "Even Sam's still quite annoyed about Shelob, because Frodo can't stand watching TV with a giant spider in the same room. And there you go, scaring poor Dra."

"On her _birthday_." The others drawled at the sheepish looking Legolas.

"And she reeks." Haldir put in helpfully. "Who knows when it was the last time we properly bathed her?" Then he looked at Elladan. "It's your turn, I think."

Elladan frowned. "No, it's Elrohir's turn. He forgot to wash it a few decades ago. He was too engaged with computers."

"Wouldn't you be engaged with computers?" Elrohir retorted to his twin, a little embarassed. "They just came out that day. I spent a quite a bit of money on that!"

"Yes, until you got a virus on the computer." Eowyn said, her voice bored. "And all that money down the drain." She tsked, while Haldir pounced on Elrohir from attacking her with a lamp.

I snapped, "Enough! Just tell me why there's..._Shelob_ in my living room!"

The spider perked up at her name.

Legolas sighed. "Oh, sorry about that. But she just reminds me of Mirkwood and all the cute little spiders there." He sounded wistful as he let memories swirl in that mind of his.

"_Cute_?" I exclaimed. "You call those things _cute_?"

Shelob's happy perk instantly turned into a strangled, offended whine.

Gimli also appeared from the kitchen, carrying a plate of blueberry pancakes with ten gallons of maple syrup. I stared at the syrup. He must've used up my stock. "I happen to agree," he grunted as he plopped himself down on the ground, in front of the TV. "Those spiders ain't that bad. A good little tickle under the leg there, and then a touch on the head and then there you have it. A spider who will cuddle and tuck you in bed and cook all your meals for you."

He eyed me. "You can't deny it." He held up his pancakes in honor of the spider who stabbed Frodo. "Shelob's a real chef."

My eyebrows rose. "You're serious." I looked up at Legolas, who was mildly amused with a dancing pink starfish and a talking yellow sponge on the screen. "What?" The Elf said, and looked down at me. "Oh, yeah, we're serious."

He didn't sound serious at all.

I let out a sigh of exasperation, grumbling, and headed to the bathroom. Since Merry and Pippin, I suppose, are hogging the shower up there. I hope they don't make a mess up there. I opened the door and to only let out another startled scream. Hmm, three screams in the same quarter of an hour. How interesting.

I slammed the door shut with a loud bang, and let out a deep breath, calming down the rapid pounding of my heart.

"You okay?" Elrond stuck his head out of the kitchen, followed by Gandalf and Rosie. He sounded concerned for me. I gave him a weak smile, and entered the kitchen with a few quick strides. "Yeah, I'm fine. Wormtongue's taking a bubble bath. He forgot to lock the door."

"No, Eomer broke the lock." I heard Elladan's voice drifting in from the living room. "He was having one of his temper tantrums. Must be a Rohan thing."

"Why you little..." I heard Eomer snarl, followed by some grunts of pain, Eowyn chanting, "Yeah, kick him in the nu-" before Faramir rushed from the kitchen and from the sound of it, Faramir covering Eowyn's mouth. Then there was a few thumps and bangs, along with Glorfindel yelling, "Break it up, you two!" and, oh, will you just look at that, Shelob's wailing.

Faramir dragged his wife back into the kitchen. She struggled under his firm grasp, before he released her and scolded her. "Do not say those dirty words." He told her. She snorted very un-lady like.

Arwen shook her head and filled her mug with some more hot tea before muttering, "Elladan's right. Must be a Rohan thing."

To break the awkward silence, Boromir said, "Well, why don't we celebrate breakfast with a good Happy Birthday song and Shelob can whip up another good cake, because it seems like _some Dwarf_ has been eating the special cake she just did last night."

A very Dwarf-like burp proved his statement.

"I rest my case." The Man of Gondor said smugly.

Then he raced up the stairs, probably to find the other people in my house while his younger brother went into the living room and other rooms to get other people.

I questioned Saruman, who was currently having quite a good laugh with Gandalf. "How many people are in my house?" I really needed to know or else my house would explode.

The two wizards both thought for a minute. "Well, you have the people in the kitchen. Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Elrond, Saruman, Boromir, Faramir, Rosie and Arwen, right?" Gandalf counted on his fingers. "Twelve."

"And in the living room, Eowyn, Eomer, Elladan, Elrohir, Haldir, and Glorfindel. Six." Saruman put in helpfully.

Gandalf said, "And Wormtongue is taking a bubble bath, you found out. One."

"And Merry and Pippin are most likely doing rock, paper, scissors, shoot! on who can go in the showers first and sing. Two."

"Then you've got Galadriel and Celeborn. Both sleeping in. Two."

"And Theoden and Thranduil in the gardens. Two."

"Bilbo's doing the laundry. One."

"Gollum and Smeagol, no doubt, are counting his pretty pieces of jewerly and figuring out which one he should give to you for your birthday present. One."

"Shelob, in the living room. Harry, her mate, checking the stock market online, upstairs. Two."

"Katie, our warg, and her mate, Johnny, are currently in the backyard. With their children. Two...no, eleven, including their kids."

"And last but not least," Gandalf said happily, "Fluffykins and Ducky, our two fell beasts, are trying to catch butterflies for - " Saruman quickly elbowed him in the ribs and gave him a sharp look.

The wizard winced as Saruman said, "So there you have it, forty-two people in your house! Well, on your property." He sounded absoutely cheerful.

My mouth hurts from hanging open that long. "Forty-two." I repeated, the numbers spinning in my mind. "Forty-two."

"Yep."

"Forty-two...people and animals _in my house_?" I asked, wanting to make sure that it was right. "And _how_ am I supposed to take care of _forty-two people_?" I said, my voice rising octaves.

Elrohir and Elladan, who was listening by my side, slung both of their arms around my neck uncomfortably. I shifted uneasily under their weight. "Ah, don't worry. You don't have to take care of all of us. I mean, we're people, right?" Elladan said with a grin.

"Well, except for Katie and Johnny's puppies. They're quite a handful." Elrohir mused.

"Oh, and Shelob's pregnant. She's got another litter coming up." Elladan added very unhelpfully.

"I really hope they don't steal my TV." Elladan muttered.

"Or my computer." Elrohir sighed.

Arwen decided to step in and save me from the two twins who were currently figuring out what to hide from the new spiders coming in. "Alright, birthday girl coming through." She steered me through a huge crowd of people and plopped me down on a chair. Galadriel and Celeborn, being dragged in Aragorn and Elrond, yawned shamelessly and accepted a hot mugs of tea from Shelob, who was busy whipping up a new cake for me.

Really, I don't know how everybody could fit inside the kitchen. Even with Shelob's massive size. Oh wait, scratch that. Half her body is in the kitchen and half it is in the living room. Lucky spider. She can watch cartoons _and_cook at the same time.

I heard lots of banging and shouting and a "_Nasty, wicked, tricksy, false hobbitses! We kept that one for quite a while now!"_

Then there was a few thumps and yells, "Oi, Merry! Over here!" and "Pippin, heads up!"

Frodo and Sam looked up at the ceiling. "Sam, I think Merry and Pippin are playing football upstairs using Smeagol's new Blackberry." Frodo said wistfully.

Sam looked horrified. "But I just got him that for his birthday! I'm going to have a word with those two."

There were more thumps and bangs, followed by a loud wail. Shelob let out a noise that sounded concerned, and she cocked her head slightly at the direction of the stairs. "Oh, boy." Aragorn said. "Harry's been disrupted from his stock market."

Celeborn yawned, nearly backhanding Bilbo, Theoden, and Thranduil, who just walked in. "Hey!" Thranduil barely missed his hand. "Watch the face." He said.

"Oh, sorry." The Elf said sleepily.

Aragorn looked impatient. "Shall I drag Merry and Pippin and Gollum downstairs?" he consulted his wife first.

"Yeah whatever." She dismissed him, and he took off. A few seconds later, Merry and Pippin both were sent to help Shelob wash the dishes, and Gandalf watched them.

"You remember the time you set off that dragon firework when you weren't supposed to?" Gandalf said cheerfully, taking a hearty puff of his pipe. Then he waved the pipe in front of the two hobbits' face. "Longbottom leaf..." he taunted them. "Na na na na na..."

Smeagol sat next to me on the floor, sticking his tongue out at Sam and Frodo, while grumbling at the same time. "Hey, look on the bright side," Glorfindel said, cheering the two hobbits up. "At least Gollum's wearing decent clothes this time instead of half-destroyed boxers."

"Hey, am I missing something?" A voice drifted from somewhere in the crowd.

"Nah," and I recognized the voice to be Elrond. "Had a good bubble bath, Grima?"

"Yeah." I caught sight of a pale faced man as he made his way towards me. "Sorry 'bout that Dra." Wormtongue grinned. "The lock broke because Eomer broke it."

Eomer coughed.

Shelob gracefully slid her long leg towards me, carrying a cake balanced on her...leg. Then she set it down on the table in front of me, and let out a happy chirp before sticking two candles on top, one of them in the shape of a two and the other in the shape of a five.

"I'm not fifty-two." I said, confused.

Arwen sighed. "No, you're not." She switched the two candles around. "There. You're twenty-five. Like the age difference better? Now let's sing the birthday song to the birthday girl, shall we?" She said excitedly.

Aragorn quirked a smile at me, and gave me a knowing look that read Arwen-really-likes-parties. I gave him a slight nod. _Make a mental note of that_. I told myself.

They all started a weak chorus of "Happy Birthday", all very off-tune. When they finished, nobody spoke anything until Haldir said, "Well, that sounded more like a death march all the same, but that's okay!"

"Make a wish." I heard Sam nudge me, and I did. _Please don't let the house explode_. I wished, and blew out the candles. Everyone cheered, seemingly happy, except for Gollum, who snorted, but Smeagol led on a happy squeal.

There was a loud bark, followed by whines and squeaks. Then Bilbo yelled, "Puppies at eight o'clock!" before everybody took the warning to heart, diving out of the way. Except me, of course. I had no idea what was going on.

But that was before I was knocked back, my face getting slobbered with dog saliva, Shelob whining about something, Arwen smacking her forehead, without knowing that Katie and Johnny let in their puppies into the house.

Oh, what is this world coming to?

Weird, eh? Yeah. That's what I thought.

Hopefully you like this story so far? I think it's very random. :D

Well, whether you liked it or not, review and tell me what you think! And I'm still looking for a beta-reader for this, so in the meantime just point out anything to me and I'll fix it!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	2. Obsessions and Presents

Enjoy and review! :D

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 2:**

With flailing arms and limbs, Arwen pushed through the little warg puppies and helped me up. "Good grief." She muttered, grumbling.

"Thanks," I said weakly to the beautiful she-elf. "And I'm guessing those were...Katie and Johnny's puppies?"

"Oh yes," she said, gritting her teeth and glaring at a very uncomfortable looking Saruman. "It was Saruman's idea to bring along those two. But look! They have puppies!"

Not wanting them to start an argument, I intervened. "Why don't you introduce them to me while we enjoy a slice of cake?"

"Um," Legolas began. "Don't want to burst your bubble Dra but none of us is going to eat any cake for another decade or so until Shelob forgives the puppies for eating your birthday cake..."

I whirled around to see nine puppies, very cute-looking if it weren't for the oversized fangs and fierce look in their eyes. Cake was smeared over their faces as they licked their chops eagerly, and there was a very clean plate. Not a single crumb left.

"That's good." I heard Merry remark from the sink. "One plate less to wash."

Galadriel stood up, recovering herself from the nine puppies that invaded the kitchen. "They've licked it clean." She said with disgust on her face.

"With warg saliva." Gandalf snorted, and gingerly took the plate and shoved it into Merry's soapy arms. "Clean it." He told him.

"But - "

"Clean it."

_Oh boy_, I thought. "So how about you introduce them to me...over some tea?" I suggested, breaking up the tension.

"An excellent idea," Saruman said, and pranced over to me. "Dra, meet Hershey, Peppermind, Skittles, Lollipops, Candy Cane, Sour Patch, M&M, Kit Kat, and Starburst!" He said cheerfully, pointing to the very identical warg puppies.

I stared at him. "Why are they all _named_ after candy?"

_This world can't definitely get crazier..._

"It was Haldir's idea." I heard Aragorn's voice drift from the living room. Most of the kitchen was now emptied, and most people took refuge to the living room to watch TV. Only Legolas, Gandalf, Wormtongue, Saruman, Arwen, Merry and Pippin remained in the kitchen.

"It most certainly was not." Haldir scoffed from the living room.

"You're blushing." I heard Eowyn observe.

"Am not." Haldir said.

"Right..."

"Whatever," I said, interrupting them. "But why candy?"

Gandalf replied with a sip of tea that Shelob had quickly whipped up, "Because Haldir does and will always have a insufferable and impossible obsession to anything sweet. Like candy."

"Insufferable?" I heard Boromir echo. "Insufferable obsession?"

"He's insufferable himself." Faramir agreed. "And his stock of candy that he keeps hidden in his rooms. Brings all the ants and cockroaches to his room."

_So that's where all those critters come from_...I thought.

"Actually it's not that bad." Glorfindel replied cheerfully. "At least he gets to sleep at night with spiders crawling on his bed instead of ours."

"Thank you!" I heard Haldir sigh with relief.

"Sorry, but I just don't agree with that." Eomer said.

"What?" Haldir asked.

"You can barely sleep at night." Eomer said loftily. "With Haldir shrieking like a little girl when he wakes up to go potty and finds his candy stock covered in ants."

"I do not shriek like a little girl." Haldir said stiffly.

"You're blushing again." Eowyn observed.

Gandalf said, "But it's too late to change their names - they won't respond to anything else. It seems to me that all Middle-Earth creatures respond to the first names they hear."

Arwen told him, "Like Fluffykins and Ducky the fell beast? They reject any other name as well."

"Like that." The wizard said.

Gimli sighed. "But you gotta admit," he said, "What kind of name is Fluffykins and Ducky? Awfully unconvincingly threatening-sounding when you say it."

Eomer retorted, "Stop giving me those looks. It's not my fault I blurted out those names in the first place. Eowyn did it."

I raised my eyebrows. "Eowyn named those fell beasts that?"

"Sure," I heard Eomer say. "Like she named our pet dog Aunt Ooofils."

Theoden asked, "Who is Aunt Ooofils?"

"Our dog."

"Dog? Did something happen while I was possessed by Saruman?" Theoden questioned them all. Saruman shifted uneasily and looked very uncomfortable.

"Oh, lots of stuff." Eomer said helpfully. "Wormtongue tried to hit on Eowyn - "

"And we got Aunt Ooofils."

"And you got all wrinkly and stuff - "

"And our village looked more like a graveyard than a real kingdom - "

"And then Wormtongue kicked me out - "

"And then you really needed a make over and a totally new manicure - "

"Oh, not to mention Theodred got killed - "

"And then Wormtongue _really _started to hit on me - "

Saruman and Wormtongue looked at each other. "Why does it all fall under our category?" They asked each other.

"Maybe because you started it?" Gandalf said helpfully, taunting them.

"Shut up!" Saruman snapped.

Arwen and I shared a side-glance, before she beckoned everyone to follow her into the living room. Saruman and Wormtongue had just started a new argument on whose fault it was, Eowyn and Eomer were both ranting off a list to a fuming Theoden, and Haldir was sulking. "You guys!" Arwen yelled.

Nobody stopped talking.

Gollum and Smeagol had also started talking to each other. I pinched the bridge of my nose. This couldn't be any better. Leaning over to Legolas, I whispered, "Are they always this talkative?"

He nodded. "But I've seen worse."

Boromir and Faramir were both trying to help Arwen by shushing them all, but it didn't really work. So Boromir consented to his horn, which he had taped back together with duck tape when it had broken. Then he blew on it, but out came a roll-out birthday horn, attached to the inside of the Horn of Gondor.

It did work to quiet them down.

He stared at the new birthday roll-out horn suspiciously. "Why," he demanded, slowly yet deadly, "Is there roll-out birthday horn in my horn?"

Nobody said anything.

"Who attached it?" He said, annoyed beyond belief. Then Boromir glared at all of us. "Well?"

Then Eowyn spoke up, pointing to Aragorn. "He did it."

The former ranger asked, "I beg your pardon?"

"He did it." She said, her face solemn.

"I did not!"

"Sure you did!"

"No!" He said, but panicked when he saw Boromir's face, which was a interesting shade of dark red. Almost purple. "You don't believe her, do you? I mean, it's a Rohan thing to lie - "

"Excuse me?" Eomer and Theoden snapped.

Arwen sighed, and excused herself quietly. "I think I need some coffee." I heard her say to herself.

"I saw him do it. I did." Eowyn still did not amend her statement. "And you're blushing...oh wait, no, you're turning pale."

Aragorn's face was indeed draining itself of color when he realized he was busted. For sure. Though the situation was quite tense, it was funny too.

"Rejecting me to Arwen is pretty much hell, dude." She said, seeing that Boromir did believe her. She sat back, folding her arms.

"Boromir, you don't believe her do you?"

Boromir's face was still quite red. "You left your peanut butter on the horn." He jabbed a finger at a spot on the horn. Yep, that's peanut butter.

I turned my puzzled expression to Legolas. "Peanut butter?"

"Aragorn has an obsession to peanut butter." He said helpfully. "Like Haldir to candy."

"Ah." I said. Mr. Tolkien definitely would never mention that Aragorn liked peanut butter, or Haldir liked candy, or even Wormtongue liking bubble baths. Sort of ruins the whole "warrior" thing, doesn't it?

Boromir began chasing Aragorn around, and the playful warg puppies began their little chase as well. Soon, the house was filled with barking, whining, yelping, and shouting all at the same time. But that was much before Arwen caught both of the two wild men by their arm and gracefully shoving them backwards to redeem themselves.

"So that's handled." She said flawlessly. She looked at me with a grin. "How about presents? Birthday girl is looking awfully bored now."

I chuckled. "Me? Bored? No...I couldn't. I have over forty people at my house, how could I be bored?"

Arwen huffed. "Of course you're bored. I can see it. I'm an elf, and I have been for quite a bit." She began steering me to the armchair.

"I don't think this will be necessary." I said.

"I disagree. You'll be opening your presents, and then we have a big day ahead of us!" She squealed. I squirmed under her grip as she sat me down, her elven strength holding me down.

Bilbo let out a sigh. "All in all, Arwen has been our party planner for the last six thousand years, Dra." He told me wearily. "You will get used to it soon."

Smeagol/Gollum bounded up to me in a few strides, and handed me a present. "We've been keeping our little present, yes." He said excitedly. "Yes, we've kept it hidden from those nasty tricksey hobbitses." He glared at Sam and Frodo, who shrugged at me.

"Go on, open it!" He urged me, and I did. Really, it was a...ring. He gave me a ring, how nice of him. "Thanks." I said, and stared up at Aragorn and the approaching people. "A ring?" I mouthed to the ranger, who looked quite ruffled up from Boromir's chasing.

"He keeps them for a collection. The One Ring was part of his collection before it got destroyed." He mouthed back helpfully. I nodded and he handed me his present.

I unwrapped it and held it up. "A jar of peanut butter." I said.

"Like it?" Aragorn said hopefully. "It's Skippy Peanut Butter." He made sure I knew it, so he turned the jar in my hand so that the label was clear to me.

"Does it matter what kind of peanut butter it is?" Glorfindel yawned, stretching, barely missing Eowyn's face.

"Of course it does. They taste different." Aragorn snapped.

"Yes, because Aragorn has eaten so much peanut butter he knows the difference between them all." Elrond said dully. "The King of Gondor favors peanut butter. I really hope I'm dreaming."

"Oh...sure." I said.

So it was like that. Frodo and Bilbo gave me both a book that they wrote together, which made sense. Sam, Theoden and Thranduil each gave me a plant that they raised themselves. Merry, Pippin, and Shelob gave me a wide assortment of pies and cakes altogether, which I decided, would be a nice replacement for the cake that was eaten by the warg puppies.

Legolas gave me his best product of shampoo and conditioner, listing off the best qualities about them. Gimli gave me a small battle ax that I guess I would never have to use in the future, Gandalf and Saruman together gave me a mini statue they sculpted.

You know, this world really does not make sense to me anymore.

"This is pretty." I told the two wizards. "But...I don't ever think I would see Gandalf, and much less Saruman, sculpting!"

Saruman shrugged. "Hey, when you are an engineer for Sauron, it's quite boring without him ordering you around to create wacky things off the top of your head. So I became a sculptor with Gandalf."

And so everybody gave me a present, and soon I was gifted with clothes, books, jewerly, iPods, video games, and much more. It was a bit too much for the former Lord of the Rings people to be presenting you with gifts they either made or bought.

A little strange today. I still think I may be dreaming.

When we all finished with the presents, Arwen began ranting off the mental list in her head. "Okay, so first we're going to the mall and shop, then we're going to a restaurant to eat, and then we're going to the movies, and then we're going down to the bowling alley, and then we're going downtown to the carnival where we'll stay until whenever we feel like it." She said quickly.

Haldir snorted. "But I hate shopping!" He whined.

"I don't." All the females in the house said, except for me, but including Galadriel.

"Sweet Eru," Elrond breathed, and buried his head in his hands. Bilbo patted his shoulder comfortingly.

Arwen raised her eyebrows. "We're going shopping. Because we want to. And we're girls, aren't we?"

"But you _have _enough clothes!" Thranduil put in.

"Not enough." Eowyn said.

"You call eighteen pairs of shoes, ten different dresses, and Valar-knows how many different make-up kits you have, not enough?" Haldir snorted. "You know, I really liked when our world was simple and we _did not _have six billion different clothes!"

"I didn't." Eowyn said simply.

I waved my hand to get their attention. "Whatever." I said. "Just...let me eat something that'll fill me up and...let me change!" I said, after taking one look at my bathrobe, still on me and intact.

"Ah yes," Arwen said. "We've been so caught up - Merry, Pippin, please do not feed ice cream to the puppies; you know that they are allergic to it!"

All heads swiveled to the kitchen, where we all saw too hobbits with spoons in their hands, clutching a carton of ice cream and feeding to the puppies, who were whining now.

"Well, I'm going to go change now." I said, getting up and shaking off the presents I had just received.

Then, after I had changed into a comfortable sweater and jeans, I washed up. But before I stepped out of the bathroom, I took a deep breath, and rubbed my eyes. Did all of that just happen to me? All of what happened this morning? It's only been an hour...and...

I'm definitely hallucinating. It's not real. It's just my imagination...I did not meet all of the Lord of the Rings characters and get presents from them on my birthday. There are not forty-two people in my house - just me. There is no cooking spider, there are no hobbits feeding ice cream to the puppies, Aragorn does not favor peanut butter...

I opened my eyes and headed out of the bathroom, praying that I was just making it up, all in my head.

"Hey, you done yet?" Gimli called up to me from below. I gave a weak smile. I think I'm still hallucinating. "Oh, yeah, I'm finished. Let's just get this day over with." I called, and went downstairs to join the crew.

_And hopefully by tomorrow morning I can enjoy a peaceful day BY MYSELF._

"How is everybody going to fit in my car?" I asked, as Arwen seemed to know where everything was in my house. That's creepy.

"Oh, we have several cars we have bought ourselves." She said.

I was speechless for a second. "Wait, what? You used my money and bought cars?"

Arwen snorted. "Of course not, we have our own money. We do not use your money at all."

I blinked. "Where do you get the money from?"

"We earn it ourselves. Gandalf and Saruman sell their sculptures, Harry, upstairs, gets us money from the stock market, and is very good at it too, and...yeah, everybody does their own share."

"Oh."

We walked to the driveway, where there were a few cars there that weren't there before. Parked besides my Toyota was a large variety of cars. "Where..." I was stunned for a minute. "You have really good cars." I said, dumbfounded. "Like really good ones."

"How did you get the money to _buy _them?"

Arwen approached a shiny black jaguar car, while the others went for their cars. She smiled at me. Creepily. "I told you, everybody does their _fair share_. Now get in."

"But I can drive my own - "

Arwen shook her head. "No, don't. I want you to ride in this car. It's your birthday - do something new." She said.

I sighed. I wasn't going to win this fight. So I opened the car door, and entered a beautiful world of luxurious cream colored leather seats. "I feel weird sitting here." I mumbled. "It doesn't feel right."

"You'll get used to it." Arwen said, and other people entered her car. I turned to see Aragorn, Elrohir, and Elladan all squished in the back.

"Hello Dra!" Elrohir squeaked, squeezed in the middle. "There weren't a lot of cars to go around, so we've decided to squeeze in with you." Arwen rolled her eyes and adjusted her mirrors.

"Uh-huh." I said, and put on my seatbelt. "So what cars do you guys drive?" I asked.

"I have a Mercedes." Aragorn piped up cheerfully.

"Yeah, but I've got a Phantom Rolls Royce." Elladan bragged.

"That you share with Elrohir because you can't afford a second one." Arwen said indifferently. Our car lead the other cars out of the neighborhood, and soon, on the highway. I smiled at her lack of sympathy for her older twin brothers.

"Arwen!" Elladan said. "You're not supposed to say that."

"Am I?" She asked, still pretty bored with this conversation.

"You guys?" Elrohir squeaked. "You wouldn't mind...to moving over a bit? Gotta breathe here."

"Oh, bother." Aragorn snorted, and did so. "Thank you." Elrohir breathed. "Thought I was going to die without air."

I nodded, not really caring. "So is this car invisible?" I asked.

"Nope." Elladan said cheerfully. "It's too beautiful to be invisible. Everybody sees it."

"What?" I asked. "Wait, so everybody in the neighborhood knows I have about eight cars in my driveway?" I was yelping now.

"No, don't scare her, 'Dan." Elrohir scolded him. "They're all on vacation." He said. "We made sure. It's thankful that your birthday is in November. Everybody has gone somewhere for Thanksgiving. And if they do manage to see it, Gandalf can do some awesome super-duper tricks of his and erase their memories or something."

"Speaking of which," Arwen said, eyeing them from the rearview mirror, "I'm hosting a Thanksgiving party soon."

"Oh no..." Aragorn groaned. "Please don't let it be a disaster like last year."

"What happened?" I asked, interested.

"It was all a big mess-up." Elrohir said when Aragorn didn't want to say it. "We had Gollum screaming at Shelob, saying that she probably had eaten his iPod or something, and then the warg puppies somehow had gotten in through the back door - don't ask me how they can open the doors, they rather ram into it and break the lock - and messed up some of the food, and then Merry and Pippin were playing tag, tripped, and knocked over about eighty decorations Eowyn put up, which made her go into a temper tantrum - "

Elladan continued it, "Because it's a Rohan thing, so she went into a wild rampage that had to take Faramir, Eomer, and Theoden to calm her down, but managed to kill a few curtains and a lamp at the same time,"

"And then we had a very ruined house." Arwen remarked. "Full of incensed people and a very ticked-off spider. And Haldir and Glorfindel were no help, those two tricksters."

"Much to be thankful for on Thanksgiving." Aragorn moaned. "Merry and Pippin stole my peanut butter."

I chuckled. "Good thing I was gone for Florida for a couple weeks for Thanksgiving last year, or else." I said.

"Oh yes." Elrohir said. "We cleaned up just in time before you got home. Everything was replaced and clean."

I grinned. "But now I know why the couch had a stain of gravy."

Elladan glared at Aragorn. "You said that you wiped it clean!" He said.

Aragorn looked uncomfortable. "Well, um, uh, you see - "

"I do not see!" The elf retorted, and then looked at me. "What did he do with it?"

"Covered it with a pillow."

"You impossible, dirty, unclean - "

Elrohir let out a squeal of fear as Elladan launched himself at Aragorn. "You're supposed to clean it, not leave it!" He snapped.

"Well, he is a ranger." Arwen said, not even wanting to look at the fight. "Dirty fingernails, smelly hair, grime all over his face - it's quite normal to go for a bath every month."

Elrohir flailed his arms and legs. "Lemme out!" He squeaked in fear. "I'm claustrophobic, you know that!"

"Oh, sorry, Elrohir. We'll take the fight in the parking lot when we get there." Elladan glared at Aragorn, who meeped.

"In fact, we are there." Arwen said, and I finally took a good look out of the tinted windows. A few other cars, drove past us, and I recognized the people inside to be Haldir, Eowyn, Eomer, Wormtongue, and Gandalf.

I waved, and they waved back.

"Good, now we can finally get it over with." Everybody got out of the car, while Elladan did indeed keep his word and continued the fight out in the parking lot. Elrohir nearly jumped out of the car, prancing around like scorpions were on him.

"Thank the Valar!" He yelped. "I am claustrophobic." He told me, when I raised my eyebrows.

All forty-two people walked towards us, including Boromir and Glorfindel who was dragging Haldir, who was pitifully moaning, "I don't want to _shop_..." over and over and over again.

Arwen told everybody. "Meet back here, in the front entrance, by..." she checked her watch. "Twelve. Sharp."

Then she grabbed me by the arm, with a gleam in her eye. "Uh-oh..." Aragorn said quietly. "I think she's going to make you shop too...she's got a killer grip, I can tell ya that, Dra."

"Let's go, girls!" Arwen said cheerfully, with Eowyn and Galadriel and Rosie fast on her heels. "Oh, and let's bring Haldir!"

So we also dragged the Marchwarden of Lorien too, who was struggling hard. "Won't anybody see us?" I asked Rosie.

"No." She said. "When you're doing something with imaginary characters, you appear to be walking alone and doing things alone to Mortals." I blinked.

"Wait, only Mortals?" I asked.

"Yeah, elves, dwarves, and hobbits can see us." Haldir put in, struggling wildly against the Lady of Lorien and Rivendell. "Let go of me!"

"Not until we teach you a thing or two about shopping." Arwen said. I eyed them carefully. I will have to watch out for those two for the whole day now. Haldir let out a snort and mumbled something incoherent to my ears. But Galadriel hit him over the head with her purse that came out of nowhere. "I do not smell like a warthog!" She snapped.

We turned a corner and entered the ladies' department.

Haldir thankfully stopped struggling, but not because we got there. He took a double take at the mannequins all dressed up, showing a bit more than they should. He let out a low whistle. Rolling my eyes, I slapped a hand over his eyes. He yelped in pain at the sharp contact. "Don't look." I said.

To my alarm, Arwen, Galadriel, Rosie, and Eowynhad already picked out their first four dresses. "You think this looks good on me?" Arwen tested out a pretty light green dress with white lace.

"I don't know." Haldir said flatly. "Because Dra has her hand over my eyes when I took one glance at that _gorgeous_ - "

"I think it looks nice." I inserted quickly before my ears could be further damaged and scarred.

Arwen grinned. "You really think so? Would you like one?"

_Oops_,_ I said the wrong thing_. I thought. "Uh, no thanks - "

"Oh, of course you do." She dragged me further inside the department, leaving Haldir with his eyes open and Galadriel, Rosie, and Eowyn to do what they like. "Let's see..." In a blink of an eye Arwen had already found a dress suitable.

"Aha!" She crowed in her victory and held up a blue dress. It was pretty. But I wasn't fond of dresses. I liked my regular jeans and sweatshirts with hoods. Those were the best. "Goes well with your blue eyes. And your brown hair." She held it up in front of me, and I fidgeted. "But I don't really like your freckles - don't you have any make-up on, Dra?"

"Do you do this often?" I asked her.

"Shop? Plenty often." Arwen said, and shoved the dress in my arms. "Go try it on." She directed me to a dressing room, where I went to go change. When I did, you had to admit, Arwen's taste wasn't half-bad. It actually looked nice on me. Switching back to my regular clothes, I met Arwen, who had another stack of clothes in her arms.

"Does it fit?" She asked me. "Yeah," I replied.

"That's excellent! Here, I've got more." She dumped more in my arms. I looked down at a wide assortment of dresses, t-shirts, jeans, skirts, and more. "Oh God.." I muttered. "I don't want more..."

"What was that?" Arwen appeared again, with a few more clothes. "You want more? Oh, here - "

"Nothing." I said quickly before she could add to the clothes I already wore. "Just - "

Suddenly, somebody exploded through the rack. "Arwen, Dra - thank the Valar I found you!" Saruman breathed a sigh of relief.

"Let me guess - Aragorn stole another box full of peanut butter." Arwen said dryly. "In that case - let's go." She took my clothes and her clothes and put it in the cart.

"No." Saruman said. "It's not just Aragorn - it's...well, it's a lot of people." He began counting people with his fingers. "Merry, Pippin, Elladan, Aragorn, Elrohir, Haldir - "

Arwen couldn't stand there long enough to hear who else was involved. "Alright, let's go." She said quickly, and Saruman and I followed her. "What has happened now?" I asked the wizard.

"Oh..." he mused. "You'll see..."

* * *

><p>So...what <em>has <em>happened, exactly? Hmm...

Very random, I think. This story is definetely too random for words.

But did ya like it? I have no idea, so either if you hated it or loved it, click that 'Review Chapter' link right there, and tell me! :D

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	3. On This Kind Of Cloudy Day

Ha, love writing this story. :D

Eek! School is starting TOMORROW! Gah. So heads up, my good readers - updating and posting new chapters will be much slower now. So there will be times when I cannot write at all, due to homework, tests, projects, blah blah blah. So...yeah. But never fear! I will always try to squeeze a bit of writing time in. Because I'm just that devoted to writing. Huh. Oh well.

But anyways, enjoy and review!

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 3:**

Saruman led us straight to another department. There were various shops, and I saw a few people from LoTR there. Elrohir and Elladan were busy in the video games store, playing the games and hollering, "YEAH!" every eight seconds or so.

Aragorn was busy stealing peanut butter.

Haldir was at the candy shop. Stealing. Hey, I thought Galadriel and Rosie and Eowyn were watching out for him...oh bother.

Gollum/Smeagol was oohing-and-ahhing at the jewelry store. I swore I saw a diamond necklace in his pockets.

Of course, Merry and Pippin had broken into the sports store and stolen a football, and was now throwing it back and forth.

And...there were nine little warg puppies barking at each other, tripping those poor Mortals, who didn't know who had just tripped them. The puppies were running around everywhere, yapping and yipping away.

"Sweet Eru!" Arwen yelped, and rushed to drag her husband away from the peanut butter.

"Arwen dear!" He gasped as she grabbed his arm and towed him away. "The peanut butter! Think of the _children_!"

"We don't have children yet!" She growled. "And we won't if you keep it up!"

I scanned the mall. Oh...lord.

Was coming to the mall a bad idea? Oh, certainly.

I rushed over to jewelry store to take Gollum/Smeagol away. It was a good thing Mortals couldn't see any of the LoTR characters or else. "Smeagol!" I snapped. "Put those earrings down!"

The little frail person looked up at me with big glassy eyes, saying, "Would you like them?"

And then the little frail person turned into Gollum. Had I not watched the movies, I would've thought it to be creepy. "_Gollum! Gollum!_" He coughed.

"Gollum, Gollum," I mocked him, taking him by the arm. "Gollum, my butt! Don't steal things, will you?" I plopped him down on a bench. "Sit! And stay!" I told him, and he stuck his tongue out at me.

I rolled my eyes and went for Haldir.

"Oi, what are you - ?" I didn't need to ask. He already had six bags full of jelly beans, Snicker bars, Skittles, lollipops, M&Ms, Hershey Kisses, and much more.

"Haldir!" I said, exasperated. I tore his bag away from his hands, almost half full. "We do not need any more Jolly Ranchers!" I shook the bag in front of his face.

He looked at me. "Jolly Ranchers - make happy farmers."

I snorted. "You are not a farmer - you are an elf! Kids eat candy - elves don't!"

"Who says?" He challenged me.

I didn't answer him. "You'll grow fat! You'll get cavities!"

"Elves don't grow fat! And we do not get cavities!" He said pompously. "We are slender, beautiful and graceful creatures of Middle-Earth! You can't possibly grow fat - "

"Sure you can." I said, tossing the bag of jelly beans away into the trash while he was ranting on and on. "Now help me - holy shit."

We had only walked out of the candy store when I saw Merry and Pippin's football soar high into the air and get stuck on a high beam on the glass roof. "Merry!" I heard Pippin say loudly. "You got it stuck up there!"

"No worries, let's just get another one!"

"But we'll get in _trouble_...with _Arwen._"

"Oh."

Then Gandalf, thankfully, strode into the scene. He took one look at the football up on the roof, to the two hobbits. "Fool of a Took!" He snapped, looking at Pippin.

Pippin said, "Well actually it's a Fool of a Brandybuck." He pointed to Merry.

Gandalf snorted. "It's breaking the tradition. I like Fool of a Took better too. Fool of a Brandybuck is too much of a mouthful."

"But - "

"Whatever!" The wizard snatched them up by the arm, walking away briskly, only to be tripped by a warg puppy, who pulled a string that was tied to a pole and tripped Gandalf. Merry and Pippin leapt up and ran.

"Skittles!" Gandalf snapped. "Don't trip people!"

The warg puppy wagged his tail and barked, before turning tail and running after Merry and Pippin.

I turned to Haldir. "Here, stay with Gollum - " I brought him to the bench.

"Where's Gollum?" He asked, pointing to the empty bench.

"What?" I looked to see that Gollum was gone. "Oh, bloody hell!" I said irritatingly.

Haldir, though, wasn't listening to my grumbling. "What's Elrond doing over there?"

I turned around, dreading what to see, but was relieved. "Nothing, he's playing at the arcade with Elladan and Elrohir, but - "

"I wanna play too." Haldir's eyes lit up. "Ooh, he just won!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. The Lord of Rivendell looked delighted to see the big "YOU WON!" words written all over the screen. Then he let his sons play for a bit, while walking over to us.

"Haldir, Dra, have you been to the arcade - it's absolutely fantastic - "

"I'm coming." was the Marchwarden's first words, and I lost my grip on him as he sped away.

"Good grief." I muttered. "I need someone sane, not a candy/peanut butter/games/football/jewelry/clothes fanatic."

I looked around. Everybody was very off-task. Well, Arwen was still dragging Aragorn away - well, make that Aragorn sort of dragging Arwen to the peanut butter shop. Galadriel and Rosie were still shopping...with about eighty bags in their hands. I sighed as warg puppies circled me and leapt on me, licking my face. "Oh!" I grimaced as I staggered backwards, nearly falling from the heaviness and sheer strength of the mall. "Geez, get off..."

Then that's when it clicked.

I looked down at the warg puppy, whichever one of the candies they were. "Hey..."

* * *

><p>We arrived home. With everybody.<p>

I fell face down on the couch, my face in the pillow. I never felt so exhausted in my whole life. I really...do not favor having forty-two people in my house. And to deal with nine puppies at the same time.

"What time is it?" I heard both Pippin and Merry pipe up.

"Oh...eleven thirty." I heard Legolas say unenthusiastically.

"_Eleven thirty__?_" Merry yelped. "Pippin!"

Then they both shrieked, "We missed second breakfast! And Elevensees!"

There was a loud clatter as the two hobbits raced to the kitchen, yanking out half of the things in the refrigerator. I heard Pippin ranting off a list to a waiting Shelob. "Apple pie, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, apple cider, lemonade, lasagna, mac and cheese...oh, and throw in some Longbottom leaf too!"

I let out a groan.

I felt the sofa near me sink down as somebody sat besides me. Somebody patted me on the head. "Aw, look it - Dra's tired - looks like _Arwen_'s fun plans are OVER!" Haldir said happily.

"But I liked the arcade." Elrond said sadly. "I won a lot."

"Oh, no, our day isn't over." Arwen said. "But...we'll take a break. For now. Dra needs it."

"Thank you." I mumbled through the pillow.

"Speaking of Dra," Aragorn said, his voice floating from somewhere. "We should all thank her for getting us out of the mall."

"You're welcome." I mumbled again.

"I still say it was brilliant." Haldir mused.

"Oh yes. Tying a rope to each warg puppy, then tying them to each of us, and then quickly buying a fishing rod and dog bone and attaching the dog bone to the fishing rod, and then luring those puppies out of the mall, dragging us half-way across the mall and parking lot and then locking us into the car - my face still feels bruised." Elladan said. "It must be a first."

"But I'm claustrophobic." Elrohir whined. "It's not fair to be squished on the bottom of a car when there's nine tons of both Gimli and Eomer sitting on your face. And Boromir's no help at all either."

Gimli was the first to react. "I do not weigh nine tons!" He yelled.

"Gee, Gimli, I think Elrohir said that _both _you and Eomer weighed nine tons." I heard Glorfindel say lightly.

Gimli sputtered. "Then-then-then- I do not weigh four and a half tons either!"

"I have to agree." Eomer said, though not as angrily. I rolled over on my other side, watching them fight.

"Figuratively or literally?" Boromir asked Elrohir wearily. Faramir and Eowyn sat besides him, looking quite amused, and also Arwen and Aragorn was there. The rest...I guess, were somewhere else in the house.

"Figuratively. Duh."

"Oh." Gimli looked a little surprised. He sat down on the ground. "Well...then..."

It was just as he said it that the doorbell rang. Arwen and Aragorn looked at each other. "You invited people?" Aragorn guessed.

"Um..." Arwen said awkwardly. "Well...not a lot."

Eowyn snorted. "Your definition of not a lot: A hundred people."

Arwen rolled her eyes and went for the door. "You think that I would be so insensible and invite another hundred people? I think not."

She opened the door and literally squealed. Resembling a pig.

Nine warg puppies started barking like mad upstairs, bounding and prancing down the stairs, tripping over each other and tumbling into a drooling, furry mess. Then they all leapt at the new person.

There was a muffled yelp as the puppies dove at the guest. "Arwen!" It sounded like a male person. "A little help!"

Aragorn sighed. "I will go help." He got up and went to the front door. Except it was just a second after that he tripped over a warg puppy and landed flat on his face with an "Oomph!"

"Something happened." Faramir said mildly.

"I'll go see who it is." Eowyn said, and left the room, only to squeal like Arwen did. "It's Sauron!"

I did a double take. "Sauron? As in the guy who wanted to take over Middle-Earth?" I squeaked.

Haldir stood up happily, as if the sun had just come out. "Sauron, my friend!" He hollered and rushed to the door. "I have not seen you in many years!"

I was astonished. "Why is Sauron a friend?" I asked Elladan, Elrohir, Faramir, and Boromir, who didn't looked alarmed to have the Dark Lord of Middle-Earth _in my house_.

"He's always been a friend." Faramir said easily.

"But I thought he was evil!"

They all looked at me strangely. "What are you talking about?" Elladan asked. "Sauron's…not evil."

"But Tolkien – "

"Ah, _Tolkien_ said so." Elrohir said. "And the New Line Cinema has also portrayed him as evil. Which is despicably not very kind to Sauron."

Seeing the puzzled expression on my face, Faramir explained, "Sauron is not evil. He never was. A little annoying and talkative at times, yes, but not evil."

"Then what was that entire…war…about?"

"War?" Gimli chuckled. "Sweet Eru, Tolkien made that up. He found us Middle-Earth people fascinating and decided to make a whole story out of us. We were all peaceful friends."

I sat back, dumbstruck. It was crazy. It was insane. It was creepy. It was…beyond extreme. I woke up today to find most of the LoTR characters in my house. Then I celebrated my birthday with them. Then I shopped with them in the mall. And now they just told me that there was no war and everybody was just peaceful friends.

What's next? I don't want to know.

A tall man stepped into the room. He had glossy, black hair combed neatly and pulled back into a ponytail, and cool steel gray eyes. Normally the eyes would've creeped me out, only if they were cold and piercing instead of a warm, cheerful sort of eyes.

"Hello, everyone! I heard my name." Sauron said. "I haven't seen you all in a while."

I stared at him. He wasn't an eye, that's for sure. No need to call the fire department, then.

He looked at me. "Is this Dra? Is this our birthday girl?" He came towards me. I kept staring at him, not knowing what to do. "I have your birthday present!"

He gave me a package, wrapped in wrapping paper with pink and baby blue ribbons. Huh. So much for an evil guy who was an eleven-foot tall flaming eye.

I stared down at the package. I really hope it isn't a bomb. I unwrapped it just to be polite. And I found…coffee beans.

I looked up at him and gave him a smile. "Thanks." I said.

_But I don't drink coffee…yet…eh, I'll give it to Arwen._

"You like it?" Sauron looked delighted. "I just absolutely love coffee and chocolate! They taste splendid, nothing like that horrible tea from Middle-Earth…" he raced to the kitchen. "Shelob, you know where the coffee maker is?"

I looked at everybody else. "That was kinda weird." I said, and then went to the kitchen to see what more things could I find out about these people.

Sauron was ranting off what he thought was great about me to Bilbo, Thranduil, Theoden, Wormtongue, Gandalf, Saruman, and Merry and Pippin. They were all eating lunch, of Shelob's beloved pies and delicious lasagna. I chose a warm apple pie that was sitting next to a few other plates that other people could get, and once I selected the plate, Shelob noticed.

Really an excellent cook, because she has about a hundred eyes and eight legs and she could work on multiple things at the same time. And one of her legs wrapped itself around a whipped cream container and she drizzled the whipped cream on my apple pie. Don't ask me how her leg could've wound itself around a container like that. Some things in this world just don't make sense. The rest were off somewhere in the house. As always. Though everybody in the kitchen was rather bored and not really listening.

" - and since she was three years old I have never seen Dra until now!" He said very enthusiastically.

I asked, "You saw me when I was three years old? Did my parents know?"

"Heavens no, child." Theoden said, glad to have someone else talk rather than a very talkative Sauron rapidly saying what he wanted to say. "Remember? You're probably are the first person on Earth to have met us. In person."

Saruman set down his fork from eating. "You haven't even met everybody yet." He told me. "You've still got Denethor, Fluffykins and Ducky, Harry, Katie, Johnny, Lurtz the Uruk-hai, and good heavens, you haven't even met the horses!"

I blinked, still chewing on the apple pie hungrily. "The horses?"

Wormtongue explained, "Meaning Shadowfax, Arod, Brego, Hasufel...you know. The horses."

"And Smaug." Bilbo said proudly. "Remember Smaug from my journey with the dwarves? Yes, Smaug is still around."

Gandalf said, "And Gwaihir, lord of the eagles. He also is still here."

"So you still got a long way to go." Thranduil said cheerfully. "Unless you start now and for the rest of the week and maybe the next you could spend some time visiting the rest of the people from Middle-Earth."

Saruman sighed dreamily. "Dr. Seuss was right...oh, the places you'll go..."

Gandalf snorted.

"Don't forget Jasper. Or the rest of the Witch-King crew." Theoden added.

I frowned. "Who's Jasper? And the Witch-King crew?"

"Jasper is my ambassador and lieutenant. Or used to." Sauron said. "He's also known as the Mouth of Sauron."

I wrinkled my nose at the ghastly face and expression from the movie. "The guy who needs to go see the dentist? Why is his name Jasper?"

"Oh, he picked it. You can't really go around saying 'My name is the Mouth of Sauron, what's yours?', can he?" Thranduil put in. "So he became Jasper."

"And now Jasper is a dentist." Bilbo said happily. "No more smelly breath."

"After the discovery that you need to clean your teeth and mouth," Wormtongue said, "He quickly changed his lifestyle. Became a dentist and fixed up his mouth. He's not that bad. He adapts very quickly. Has all the latest brands, technology, cars...yeah. He has everything."

I nodded, understanding. "And the Witch-king crew?"

"Joey, Timmy, Jeff, Terry, Greg, Charlie, Bob, Brendan, and Brian." Saruman counted off their fingers. "They're a wimpy bunch, really. Nothing like what Tolkien wanted them to be. In Middle-Earth they were more of the nerdy crew. Not Witch-King."

Merry and Pippin, who were both shoveling food in their mouths like there was no tomorrow, had not participated in the discussion at all until now. They were too busy eating.

Leaning back in the chairs, their bellies strangely looking slightly bloated and their clothes a bit tight around the middle, patted their stomachs contently. Each let out a satisfied burp.

"Fantastic," Pippin commented to Shelob, who looked delighted.

"Yes, and I'd like a chocolate cake, swiss fondue, strawberry milkshake, and if you can make it, a nice big roasted chicken for supper. And then - " Merry was cut off by Gandalf.

"I think you had enough by now." The wizard told them.

The two hobbits pulled a long face. I hid a grin. They looked cute like that.

"But we're _hungry_!" They both pouted. "That was just our second breakfast and Elevensees combined. And we didn't even say what we wanted for lunch!"

"That's a big enough meal for lunch!" Saruman snorted.

"Nope." Pippin said. "And after lunch we need our afternoon tea,"

"And," Merry continued, "We need our supper."

"Oh, and we got a bad habit of midnight snacking." Pippin said after some afterthought.

Wormtongue raised his eyebrows. "Midnight snacking." He repeated after them, as if he thought they weren't going to grow any taller but sideways. "Good grief." He muttered.

"Yeah." Merry said cheerfully, who obviously didn't hear the "Good grief" part, because then he would've just agreed to Wormtongue. "Shelob whips us up some spectacular stuff."

There was a happy sort of squeal from Shelob behind the two hobbits. I saw her eyes glint in delight at the praise of her food.

"Whatever." Bilbo waved his hand to end the conversation. "Enough of food. I am a hobbit and even I don't eat that much."

"Excellent." Thranduil looked quite pleased. "Finally. No more food talk." Then he turned to Sauron, who was busy talking quietly to Theoden, and joined in to their conversation.

I listened to everyone's conversations, politely, but I grew bored quickly so I slipped away upstairs, to my room. As I passed various rooms, I thought I heard fast typing. Very fast typing, almost as if the words were going on a word document at eighty words per second. It was incredibly fast.

Curious, I went towards the closed door that had the typing sounds coming from it, and gently turned the doorknob. I hesitated a couple times, knowing that maybe it would be better if I knocked, but it was my house, wasn't it? I could peek in and out, and I'm sure no one would be very angry.

Then I opened a door.

Another giant spider. It was like Shelob, except it was...bigger. And more hairy...

"Harry?" I wondered aloud. No wonder why his name was "Harry", he was "hairy" himself.

The giant spider who was typing rapidly away at about four computers, all of them were Apple Mac computers and it was a little strange to see it. He looked up at me with beady yet bright black eyes. He cocked his head at me.

"Uh, never mind. It was just...I heard lots of typing and I wanted to see you." I stumbled over words, still staring at him sitting on the very-compressed bed and still rapidly typing even as he used a few of his eyes to look up at me and a few of his eyes to look at the screens. "Bye."

When I closed the door, I heard a whine from Harry that sounded a bit like, "Bye-bye!"

I was about to enter my room when I heard an angry shout downstairs. "GET OFF THE COUCH!"

I sighed and blew some of the brown strands of hair that had fallen into my vision out of my sight. "Sheesh." I muttered and I turned around to see what was going on downstairs. "No need to scream, Gimli. There are plenty of couches. Why bother with that specific one? My parents and I am not exactly the poorest people in the world. Heck, my mom's a lawyer and my dad's a doctor! And I'm...I write for the newspaper..."

"What happened?" I asked, peering into the family room. "Oh...never mind."

Nine warg puppies were...bouncing on the sofa, twirling and twisting in midair like they were on trampolines. They were all seeing if they could touch the ceiling with their paws. I winced. I hope their paws wouldn't be dirty, or else I would have to figure out how to clean the ceiling.

Good grief, what if I invited my parents over?

Gimli, Legolas, Elrond, Frodo, Sam and Rosie were trying to watch TV and eat their lunch but the warg puppies just...invaded the room and began attacking the sofa, by the looks of it.

They all looked thoroughly annoyed. Especially Gimli. He flapped his arms wildly that it was amusing to see, almost in a cartoon way, although he probably didn't intend it to be very cartoonish. Both Elrond and Legolas were snickering behind the dwarf's backs. I snorted. Must be an elf thing too.

But the two elves noticed me watching them with a peculiar expression. Elrond and Legolas both pointed to Gimli. "It's his fault." They both said together.

The dwarf turned to them, enraged. "What?" He sputtered, his face growing an interesting shade of red.

"You're the one who left the coffee on the table." Legolas told him, reprimanding.

"Yeah." Elrond said. "You know that warg puppies like to eat any leftovers that are left alone. And they like coffee too."

Gimli grunted. "Alright, then, it's my fault. Then how do you suppose you get those warg puppies from jumping twelve feet in the air and save the sofa?" He glared at the three hobbits and two elves who stood there awkwardly.

"Ummm."

"I don't know."

Gimli smacked his forehead.

I stepped into the family room, gazing up at the warg puppies with interest. "Do you know anyone who can control them?"

"No." They all said in unison.

"Anything that makes them calm down?"

"Nope."

"Any food that makes them less hyper?"

"Nope."

I was getting worried at this point. "Can we shoo them out into the backyard?"

Rosie thought for a minute. "That could work." She mused.

"Yeah, it's not that bad." I agreed.

So that's what we did. But attempting to move extra-hyper warg puppies into the backyard without them trampling your face, knocking over lamps, kicking you in the stomach, biting, nipping, barking loudly in your ears, making you trip, and even just getting them off the sofa was a quite big task.

"That is bad." I said, changing what I had said ten minutes ago.

Faramir, Eowyn and Eomer were bored and decided to come into the family room to see what the noise was all about.

"What in the name of Eru's socks are you doing?" Eowyn exclaimed.

Everyone turned to look at her. Even the warg puppies quieted down a bit.

"Eru's socks?" Eomer repeated.

"Yeah, Eru's socks." Eowyn said. "Y'know…he wears socks…yeah…so…what are you doing?" She changed the topic.

"Oh, uh," I began. "The warg puppies drank coffee and – "

"Oh, that's fine." Faramir stepped forward and helped me with a puppy who was trying to bite my fingers off. Yeah, stay off the Gollum-biting-Frodo's-finger drama, alright? "Happens a lot."

Then he opened a window and gently pushed the puppy out.

"Wait." Frodo said suddenly. "Lemme get this right. There was a window in here and nobody thought of using it?"

Awkward silence was issued immediately after his words were spoken.

"So we didn't have to try to walk all the way to the backdoor?" Sam complained. "Sheesh, you could've told me that earlier."

"It was simple." Faramir said innocently. "It's five feet away. You can walk."

So we all either tossed, threw, or shoved the warg puppies out the window. We didn't really care if we handled the puppies a little too roughly when we put them outside because the puppies just bounced right off the ground and kept bouncing all the way to two bigger wargs, Katie and Johnny, who were lounging in the sun.

"Oh yeah." Eomer said. "Arwen says that we're going to the restaurant like right now. Because she said she had a feeling that if we don't go sooner we'll miss the movies because something is definitely going to happen while we're eating."

_Oh…boy. _

"But I'm tired." Elrond pouted.

"Me two." Legolas confirmed.

"Me three." Gimli said.

"Me four." Rosie said.

"Me five." Sam said.

"Me six." Frodo said.

"Me don't freakin' care." Eowyn put in. "Arwen says we're leaving, so we might as well just go now."

"How many people are coming?" I asked, nervously. _Please let it only be a few people…_

"Let's see." Eowyn tossed back her long blonde hair and counted on her fingers. "Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Elrond, Arwen, Elrohir, Elladan, Galadriel, Celeborn, Saruman, Wormtongue, me, Eomer, Boromir, Faramir, Theoden, Glorfindel, Bilbo, Thranduil, Rosie, Gollum/Smeagol, Haldir, and Sauron."

_Oh…that's definitely not a few people. _

"Okay." I said, trying not to sound meek. "But that's a lot of people."

Faramir shrugged. "Well, we tried to narrow it down with a bunch of games. Like the nose game, and then rock, paper scissors, shoot!, then toss-the-ball, and whoever caught it would be chosen, so we had to do a few rounds of that – "

"Which resulted in many injuries." Frodo said helpfully.

"So that game didn't count. So lastly we just decided to see who could call dibs on it first but everyone ended saying it all at the same time." Faramir continued.

"So yeah, since everyone want in on the birthday celebration we just allowed the people, not animals, to come."

Just then, we heard Arwen's singsong voice ringing throughout the house. "It's time to gooooo!" Arwen sang.

Everyone filed outside of the house. I glanced nervously at the houses around the quiet neighborhood, hoping no one was looking. Merry and Pippin were playing with the golden leaves on the ground and throwing it at Gollum/Smeagol.

"_Nasty, tricksey hobbitses!" _Gollum/Smeagol shrieked loudly. I winced.

Sam laughed as he strode by the bent, frail creature. Gollum/Smeagol stuck his tongue out at him and scowled at him. "Stupid, fat hobbit!" he told Sam.

Sam rolled his eyes as he got into the car.

Elladan and Elrohir were intent on making me sit in their Phantom Rolls Royce. "It's bloody brilliant, isn't it?" They crooned. Elladan patted the black car lovingly.

"Oh, yeah, it's nice…" I slid into the back seat of white leather seats. It even had a TV inside, and it was turned on to a video game. Inside were Glorfindel and Eowyn, and Merry and Pippin sitting on the clean floor of the car, because of their small size. They were playing video games on the TV, crowing, "Oh! Did you see me just diss that guy?"

Meanwhile, Elladan and Elrohir were busy fighting over who would get to drive the car.

"I wanna drive!"

"No, I wanna!"

"No, I get to!"

"You did it last time!"

"Did not, it was you! I wanna drive!"

"No, lemme do it!"

Eowyn sighed, and got out of the car. I couldn't see it because the view was blocked by the front seat and part of the car, but I could tell Eowyn was busy deciding who would get to drive. The front seat was opened, and Elrohir was shoved in the driving seat and Elladan in the passenger's seat.

Then Eowyn got back into her seat and smiled at us with charm and much perfection. "Now, are we all happy?"

There was a weak chorus of "Yes." Well, if you included the groan from Elladan. "I still wanna drive the car." He grumbled.

Eowyn cleared her throat.

"Oh, uh, I-I mean, Elrohir may drive the car for this lovely…um…kind of cloudy day!" Elladan stuttered, revising his statement quickly to avoid Eowyn's cold gaze.

Glorfindel sniggered.

We pulled out of the driveway, and onto wherever we were going.

"Which restaurant are we going to?" I asked.

"You haven't heard it before." Glorfindel said lightly. "In fact, probably most of everybody on Earth has never heard of it before."

I nodded. "So which one is it?"

The car was quiet, except for the noises coming from the video games and Merry and Pippin's constant cheering.

"Um, it's kind of hard to explain." Elrohir said. "You'll see when you get there."

"Okay, then." Sitting back, I enjoyed the comforts of a black Phantom Rolls Royce and laughed along to Merry and Pippin's comments on the video game.

* * *

><p>Do ya like it? I hope so. This one took a particularly long time to write, mainly because of SCHOOL. Gah. School. Always a big annoying blob in my schedule. Oh well, I will cope.<p>

Yeah, so about school and the stories. You can always take a look at my profile about information about the stories. I will try to update it every month or so to tell you when to expect stuff.

Yes, I won an award for being "Responsible" back in elementary school. Yes I did, don't ask why. My schools are very strange in many ways.

Okay, but anyways - please review and I will try to update faster! Okay? Uh...savvy? :D

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	4. The Restaurant of Absolute Chaos

Ha, love writing this story. :D

Eek! School is starting TOMORROW! Gah. So heads up, my good readers - updating and posting new chapters will be much slower now. So there will be times when I cannot write at all, due to homework, tests, projects, blah blah blah. So...yeah. But never fear! I will always try to squeeze a bit of writing time in. Because I'm just that devoted to writing. Huh. Oh well.

But anyways, enjoy and review!

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 3:**

Saruman led us straight to another department. There were various shops, and I saw a few people from LoTR there. Elrohir and Elladan were busy in the video games store, playing the games and hollering, "YEAH!" every eight seconds or so.

Aragorn was busy stealing peanut butter.

Haldir was at the candy shop. Stealing. Hey, I thought Galadriel and Rosie and Eowyn were watching out for him...oh bother.

Gollum/Smeagol was oohing-and-ahhing at the jewelry store. I swore I saw a diamond necklace in his pockets.

Of course, Merry and Pippin had broken into the sports store and stolen a football, and was now throwing it back and forth.

And...there were nine little warg puppies barking at each other, tripping those poor Mortals, who didn't know who had just tripped them. The puppies were running around everywhere, yapping and yipping away.

"Sweet Eru!" Arwen yelped, and rushed to drag her husband away from the peanut butter.

"Arwen dear!" He gasped as she grabbed his arm and towed him away. "The peanut butter! Think of the _children_!"

"We don't have children yet!" She growled. "And we won't if you keep it up!"

I scanned the mall. Oh...lord.

Was coming to the mall a bad idea? Oh, certainly.

I rushed over to jewelry store to take Gollum/Smeagol away. It was a good thing Mortals couldn't see any of the LoTR characters or else. "Smeagol!" I snapped. "Put those earrings down!"

The little frail person looked up at me with big glassy eyes, saying, "Would you like them?"

And then the little frail person turned into Gollum. Had I not watched the movies, I would've thought it to be creepy. "_Gollum! Gollum!_" He coughed.

"Gollum, Gollum," I mocked him, taking him by the arm. "Gollum, my butt! Don't steal things, will you?" I plopped him down on a bench. "Sit! And stay!" I told him, and he stuck his tongue out at me.

I rolled my eyes and went for Haldir.

"Oi, what are you - ?" I didn't need to ask. He already had six bags full of jelly beans, Snicker bars, Skittles, lollipops, M&Ms, Hershey Kisses, and much more.

"Haldir!" I said, exasperated. I tore his bag away from his hands, almost half full. "We do not need any more Jolly Ranchers!" I shook the bag in front of his face.

He looked at me. "Jolly Ranchers - make happy farmers."

I snorted. "You are not a farmer - you are an elf! Kids eat candy - elves don't!"

"Who says?" He challenged me.

I didn't answer him. "You'll grow fat! You'll get cavities!"

"Elves don't grow fat! And we do not get cavities!" He said pompously. "We are slender, beautiful and graceful creatures of Middle-Earth! You can't possibly grow fat - "

"Sure you can." I said, tossing the bag of jelly beans away into the trash while he was ranting on and on. "Now help me - holy shit."

We had only walked out of the candy store when I saw Merry and Pippin's football soar high into the air and get stuck on a high beam on the glass roof. "Merry!" I heard Pippin say loudly. "You got it stuck up there!"

"No worries, let's just get another one!"

"But we'll get in _trouble_...with _Arwen._"

"Oh."

Then Gandalf, thankfully, strode into the scene. He took one look at the football up on the roof, to the two hobbits. "Fool of a Took!" He snapped, looking at Pippin.

Pippin said, "Well actually it's a Fool of a Brandybuck." He pointed to Merry.

Gandalf snorted. "It's breaking the tradition. I like Fool of a Took better too. Fool of a Brandybuck is too much of a mouthful."

"But - "

"Whatever!" The wizard snatched them up by the arm, walking away briskly, only to be tripped by a warg puppy, who pulled a string that was tied to a pole and tripped Gandalf. Merry and Pippin leapt up and ran.

"Skittles!" Gandalf snapped. "Don't trip people!"

The warg puppy wagged his tail and barked, before turning tail and running after Merry and Pippin.

I turned to Haldir. "Here, stay with Gollum - " I brought him to the bench.

"Where's Gollum?" He asked, pointing to the empty bench.

"What?" I looked to see that Gollum was gone. "Oh, bloody hell!" I said irritatingly.

Haldir, though, wasn't listening to my grumbling. "What's Elrond doing over there?"

I turned around, dreading what to see, but was relieved. "Nothing, he's playing at the arcade with Elladan and Elrohir, but - "

"I wanna play too." Haldir's eyes lit up. "Ooh, he just won!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. The Lord of Rivendell looked delighted to see the big "YOU WON!" words written all over the screen. Then he let his sons play for a bit, while walking over to us.

"Haldir, Dra, have you been to the arcade - it's absolutely fantastic - "

"I'm coming." was the Marchwarden's first words, and I lost my grip on him as he sped away.

"Good grief." I muttered. "I need someone sane, not a candy/peanut butter/games/football/jewelry/clothes fanatic."

I looked around. Everybody was very off-task. Well, Arwen was still dragging Aragorn away - well, make that Aragorn sort of dragging Arwen to the peanut butter shop. Galadriel and Rosie were still shopping...with about eighty bags in their hands. I sighed as warg puppies circled me and leapt on me, licking my face. "Oh!" I grimaced as I staggered backwards, nearly falling from the heaviness and sheer strength of the mall. "Geez, get off..."

Then that's when it clicked.

I looked down at the warg puppy, whichever one of the candies they were. "Hey..."

We arrived home. With everybody.

I fell face down on the couch, my face in the pillow. I never felt so exhausted in my whole life. I really...do not favor having forty-two people in my house. And to deal with nine puppies at the same time.

"What time is it?" I heard both Pippin and Merry pipe up.

"Oh...eleven thirty." I heard Legolas say unenthusiastically.

"_Eleven thirty?_" Merry yelped. "Pippin!"

Then they both shrieked, "We missed second breakfast! And Elevensees!"

There was a loud clatter as the two hobbits raced to the kitchen, yanking out half of the things in the refrigerator. I heard Pippin ranting off a list to a waiting Shelob. "Apple pie, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, apple cider, lemonade, lasagna, mac and cheese...oh, and throw in some Longbottom leaf too!"

I let out a groan.

I felt the sofa near me sink down as somebody sat besides me. Somebody patted me on the head. "Aw, look it - Dra's tired - looks like _Arwen_'s fun plans are OVER!" Haldir said happily.

"But I liked the arcade." Elrond said sadly. "I won a lot."

"Oh, no, our day isn't over." Arwen said. "But...we'll take a break. For now. Dra needs it."

"Thank you." I mumbled through the pillow.

"Speaking of Dra," Aragorn said, his voice floating from somewhere. "We should all thank her for getting us out of the mall."

"You're welcome." I mumbled again.

"I still say it was brilliant." Haldir mused.

"Oh yes. Tying a rope to each warg puppy, then tying them to each of us, and then quickly buying a fishing rod and dog bone and attaching the dog bone to the fishing rod, and then luring those puppies out of the mall, dragging us half-way across the mall and parking lot and then locking us into the car - my face still feels bruised." Elladan said. "It must be a first."

"But I'm claustrophobic." Elrohir whined. "It's not fair to be squished on the bottom of a car when there's nine tons of both Gimli and Eomer sitting on your face. And Boromir's no help at all either."

Gimli was the first to react. "I do not weigh nine tons!" He yelled.

"Gee, Gimli, I think Elrohir said that _both_you and Eomer weighed nine tons." I heard Glorfindel say lightly.

Gimli sputtered. "Then-then-then- I do not weigh four and a half tons either!"

"I have to agree." Eomer said, though not as angrily. I rolled over on my other side, watching them fight.

"Figuratively or literally?" Boromir asked Elrohir wearily. Faramir and Eowyn sat besides him, looking quite amused, and also Arwen and Aragorn was there. The rest...I guess, were somewhere else in the house.

"Figuratively. Duh."

"Oh." Gimli looked a little surprised. He sat down on the ground. "Well...then..."

It was just as he said it that the doorbell rang. Arwen and Aragorn looked at each other. "You invited people?" Aragorn guessed.

"Um..." Arwen said awkwardly. "Well...not a lot."

Eowyn snorted. "Your definition of not a lot: A hundred people."

Arwen rolled her eyes and went for the door. "You think that I would be so insensible and invite another hundred people? I think not."

She opened the door and literally squealed. Resembling a pig.

Nine warg puppies started barking like mad upstairs, bounding and prancing down the stairs, tripping over each other and tumbling into a drooling, furry mess. Then they all leapt at the new person.

There was a muffled yelp as the puppies dove at the guest. "Arwen!" It sounded like a male person. "A little help!"

Aragorn sighed. "I will go help." He got up and went to the front door. Except it was just a second after that he tripped over a warg puppy and landed flat on his face with an "Oomph!"

"Something happened." Faramir said mildly.

"I'll go see who it is." Eowyn said, and left the room, only to squeal like Arwen did. "It's Sauron!"

I did a double take. "Sauron? As in the guy who wanted to take over Middle-Earth?" I squeaked.

Haldir stood up happily, as if the sun had just come out. "Sauron, my friend!" He hollered and rushed to the door. "I have not seen you in many years!"

I was astonished. "Why is Sauron a friend?" I asked Elladan, Elrohir, Faramir, and Boromir, who didn't looked alarmed to have the Dark Lord of Middle-Earth _in my house_.

"He's always been a friend." Faramir said easily.

"But I thought he was evil!"

They all looked at me strangely. "What are you talking about?" Elladan asked. "Sauron's…not evil."

"But Tolkien – "

"Ah, _Tolkien_ said so." Elrohir said. "And the New Line Cinema has also portrayed him as evil. Which is despicably not very kind to Sauron."

Seeing the puzzled expression on my face, Faramir explained, "Sauron is not evil. He never was. A little annoying and talkative at times, yes, but not evil."

"Then what was that entire…war…about?"

"War?" Gimli chuckled. "Sweet Eru, Tolkien made that up. He found us Middle-Earth people fascinating and decided to make a whole story out of us. We were all peaceful friends."

I sat back, dumbstruck. It was crazy. It was insane. It was creepy. It was…beyond extreme. I woke up today to find most of the LoTR characters in my house. Then I celebrated my birthday with them. Then I shopped with them in the mall. And now they just told me that there was no war and everybody was just peaceful friends.

What's next? I don't want to know.

A tall man stepped into the room. He had glossy, black hair combed neatly and pulled back into a ponytail, and cool steel gray eyes. Normally the eyes would've creeped me out, only if they were cold and piercing instead of a warm, cheerful sort of eyes.

"Hello, everyone! I heard my name." Sauron said. "I haven't seen you all in a while."

I stared at him. He wasn't an eye, that's for sure. No need to call the fire department, then.

He looked at me. "Is this Dra? Is this our birthday girl?" He came towards me. I kept staring at him, not knowing what to do. "I have your birthday present!"

He gave me a package, wrapped in wrapping paper with pink and baby blue ribbons. Huh. So much for an evil guy who was an eleven-foot tall flaming eye.

I stared down at the package. I really hope it isn't a bomb. I unwrapped it just to be polite. And I found…coffee beans.

I looked up at him and gave him a smile. "Thanks." I said.

_But I don't drink coffee…yet…eh, I'll give it to Arwen._

"You like it?" Sauron looked delighted. "I just absolutely love coffee and chocolate! They taste splendid, nothing like that horrible tea from Middle-Earth…" he raced to the kitchen. "Shelob, you know where the coffee maker is?"

I looked at everybody else. "That was kinda weird." I said, and then went to the kitchen to see what more things could I find out about these people.

Sauron was ranting off what he thought was great about me to Bilbo, Thranduil, Theoden, Wormtongue, Gandalf, Saruman, and Merry and Pippin. They were all eating lunch, of Shelob's beloved pies and delicious lasagna. I chose a warm apple pie that was sitting next to a few other plates that other people could get, and once I selected the plate, Shelob noticed.

Really an excellent cook, because she has about a hundred eyes and eight legs and she could work on multiple things at the same time. And one of her legs wrapped itself around a whipped cream container and she drizzled the whipped cream on my apple pie. Don't ask me how her leg could've wound itself around a container like that. Some things in this world just don't make sense. The rest were off somewhere in the house. As always. Though everybody in the kitchen was rather bored and not really listening.

" - and since she was three years old I have never seen Dra until now!" He said very enthusiastically.

I asked, "You saw me when I was three years old? Did my parents know?"

"Heavens no, child." Theoden said, glad to have someone else talk rather than a very talkative Sauron rapidly saying what he wanted to say. "Remember? You're probably are the first person on Earth to have met us. In person."

Saruman set down his fork from eating. "You haven't even met everybody yet." He told me. "You've still got Denethor, Fluffykins and Ducky, Harry, Katie, Johnny, Lurtz the Uruk-hai, and good heavens, you haven't even met the horses!"

I blinked, still chewing on the apple pie hungrily. "The horses?"

Wormtongue explained, "Meaning Shadowfax, Arod, Brego, Hasufel...you know. The horses."

"And Smaug." Bilbo said proudly. "Remember Smaug from my journey with the dwarves? Yes, Smaug is still around."

Gandalf said, "And Gwaihir, lord of the eagles. He also is still here."

"So you still got a long way to go." Thranduil said cheerfully. "Unless you start now and for the rest of the week and maybe the next you could spend some time visiting the rest of the people from Middle-Earth."

Saruman sighed dreamily. "Dr. Seuss was right...oh, the places you'll go..."

Gandalf snorted.

"Don't forget Jasper. Or the rest of the Witch-King crew." Theoden added.

I frowned. "Who's Jasper? And the Witch-King crew?"

"Jasper is my ambassador and lieutenant. Or used to." Sauron said. "He's also known as the Mouth of Sauron."

I wrinkled my nose at the ghastly face and expression from the movie. "The guy who needs to go see the dentist? Why is his name Jasper?"

"Oh, he picked it. You can't really go around saying 'My name is the Mouth of Sauron, what's yours?', can he?" Thranduil put in. "So he became Jasper."

"And now Jasper is a dentist." Bilbo said happily. "No more smelly breath."

"After the discovery that you need to clean your teeth and mouth," Wormtongue said, "He quickly changed his lifestyle. Became a dentist and fixed up his mouth. He's not that bad. He adapts very quickly. Has all the latest brands, technology, cars...yeah. He has everything."

I nodded, understanding. "And the Witch-king crew?"

"Joey, Timmy, Jeff, Terry, Greg, Charlie, Bob, Brendan, and Brian." Saruman counted off their fingers. "They're a wimpy bunch, really. Nothing like what Tolkien wanted them to be. In Middle-Earth they were more of the nerdy crew. Not Witch-King."

Merry and Pippin, who were both shoveling food in their mouths like there was no tomorrow, had not participated in the discussion at all until now. They were too busy eating.

Leaning back in the chairs, their bellies strangely looking slightly bloated and their clothes a bit tight around the middle, patted their stomachs contently. Each let out a satisfied burp.

"Fantastic," Pippin commented to Shelob, who looked delighted.

"Yes, and I'd like a chocolate cake, swiss fondue, strawberry milkshake, and if you can make it, a nice big roasted chicken for supper. And then - " Merry was cut off by Gandalf.

"I think you had enough by now." The wizard told them.

The two hobbits pulled a long face. I hid a grin. They looked cute like that.

"But we're _hungry_!" They both pouted. "That was just our second breakfast and Elevensees combined. And we didn't even say what we wanted for lunch!"

"That's a big enough meal for lunch!" Saruman snorted.

"Nope." Pippin said. "And after lunch we need our afternoon tea,"

"And," Merry continued, "We need our supper."

"Oh, and we got a bad habit of midnight snacking." Pippin said after some afterthought.

Wormtongue raised his eyebrows. "Midnight snacking." He repeated after them, as if he thought they weren't going to grow any taller but sideways. "Good grief." He muttered.

"Yeah." Merry said cheerfully, who obviously didn't hear the "Good grief" part, because then he would've just agreed to Wormtongue. "Shelob whips us up some spectacular stuff."

There was a happy sort of squeal from Shelob behind the two hobbits. I saw her eyes glint in delight at the praise of her food.

"Whatever." Bilbo waved his hand to end the conversation. "Enough of food. I am a hobbit and even I don't eat that much."

"Excellent." Thranduil looked quite pleased. "Finally. No more food talk." Then he turned to Sauron, who was busy talking quietly to Theoden, and joined in to their conversation.

I listened to everyone's conversations, politely, but I grew bored quickly so I slipped away upstairs, to my room. As I passed various rooms, I thought I heard fast typing. Very fast typing, almost as if the words were going on a word document at eighty words per second. It was incredibly fast.

Curious, I went towards the closed door that had the typing sounds coming from it, and gently turned the doorknob. I hesitated a couple times, knowing that maybe it would be better if I knocked, but it was my house, wasn't it? I could peek in and out, and I'm sure no one would be very angry.

Then I opened a door.

Another giant spider. It was like Shelob, except it was...bigger. And more hairy...

"Harry?" I wondered aloud. No wonder why his name was "Harry", he was "hairy" himself.

The giant spider who was typing rapidly away at about four computers, all of them were Apple Mac computers and it was a little strange to see it. He looked up at me with beady yet bright black eyes. He cocked his head at me.

"Uh, never mind. It was just...I heard lots of typing and I wanted to see you." I stumbled over words, still staring at him sitting on the very-compressed bed and still rapidly typing even as he used a few of his eyes to look up at me and a few of his eyes to look at the screens. "Bye."

When I closed the door, I heard a whine from Harry that sounded a bit like, "Bye-bye!"

I was about to enter my room when I heard an angry shout downstairs. "GET OFF THE COUCH!"

I sighed and blew some of the brown strands of hair that had fallen into my vision out of my sight. "Sheesh." I muttered and I turned around to see what was going on downstairs. "No need to scream, Gimli. There are plenty of couches. Why bother with that specific one? My parents and I am not exactly the poorest people in the world. Heck, my mom's a lawyer and my dad's a doctor! And I'm...I write for the newspaper..."

"What happened?" I asked, peering into the family room. "Oh...never mind."

Nine warg puppies were...bouncing on the sofa, twirling and twisting in midair like they were on trampolines. They were all seeing if they could touch the ceiling with their paws. I winced. I hope their paws wouldn't be dirty, or else I would have to figure out how to clean the ceiling.

Good grief, what if I invited my parents over?

Gimli, Legolas, Elrond, Frodo, Sam and Rosie were trying to watch TV and eat their lunch but the warg puppies just...invaded the room and began attacking the sofa, by the looks of it.

They all looked thoroughly annoyed. Especially Gimli. He flapped his arms wildly that it was amusing to see, almost in a cartoon way, although he probably didn't intend it to be very cartoonish. Both Elrond and Legolas were snickering behind the dwarf's backs. I snorted. Must be an elf thing too.

But the two elves noticed me watching them with a peculiar expression. Elrond and Legolas both pointed to Gimli. "It's his fault." They both said together.

The dwarf turned to them, enraged. "What?" He sputtered, his face growing an interesting shade of red.

"You're the one who left the coffee on the table." Legolas told him, reprimanding.

"Yeah." Elrond said. "You know that warg puppies like to eat any leftovers that are left alone. And they like coffee too."

Gimli grunted. "Alright, then, it's my fault. Then how do you suppose you get those warg puppies from jumping twelve feet in the air and save the sofa?" He glared at the three hobbits and two elves who stood there awkwardly.

"Ummm."

"I don't know."

Gimli smacked his forehead.

I stepped into the family room, gazing up at the warg puppies with interest. "Do you know anyone who can control them?"

"No." They all said in unison.

"Anything that makes them calm down?"

"Nope."

"Any food that makes them less hyper?"

"Nope."

I was getting worried at this point. "Can we shoo them out into the backyard?"

Rosie thought for a minute. "That could work." She mused.

"Yeah, it's not that bad." I agreed.

So that's what we did. But attempting to move extra-hyper warg puppies into the backyard without them trampling your face, knocking over lamps, kicking you in the stomach, biting, nipping, barking loudly in your ears, making you trip, and even just getting them off the sofa was a quite big task.

"That is bad." I said, changing what I had said ten minutes ago.

Faramir, Eowyn and Eomer were bored and decided to come into the family room to see what the noise was all about.

"What in the name of Eru's socks are you doing?" Eowyn exclaimed.

Everyone turned to look at her. Even the warg puppies quieted down a bit.

"Eru's socks?" Eomer repeated.

"Yeah, Eru's socks." Eowyn said. "Y'know…he wears socks…yeah…so…what are you doing?" She changed the topic.

"Oh, uh," I began. "The warg puppies drank coffee and – "

"Oh, that's fine." Faramir stepped forward and helped me with a puppy who was trying to bite my fingers off. Yeah, stay off the Gollum-biting-Frodo's-finger drama, alright? "Happens a lot."

Then he opened a window and gently pushed the puppy out.

"Wait." Frodo said suddenly. "Lemme get this right. There was a window in here and nobody thought of using it?"

Awkward silence was issued immediately after his words were spoken.

"So we didn't have to try to walk all the way to the backdoor?" Sam complained. "Sheesh, you could've told me that earlier."

"It was simple." Faramir said innocently. "It's five feet away. You can walk."

So we all either tossed, threw, or shoved the warg puppies out the window. We didn't really care if we handled the puppies a little too roughly when we put them outside because the puppies just bounced right off the ground and kept bouncing all the way to two bigger wargs, Katie and Johnny, who were lounging in the sun.

"Oh yeah." Eomer said. "Arwen says that we're going to the restaurant like right now. Because she said she had a feeling that if we don't go sooner we'll miss the movies because something is definitely going to happen while we're eating."

_Oh…boy._

"But I'm tired." Elrond pouted.

"Me two." Legolas confirmed.

"Me three." Gimli said.

"Me four." Rosie said.

"Me five." Sam said.

"Me six." Frodo said.

"Me don't freakin' care." Eowyn put in. "Arwen says we're leaving, so we might as well just go now."

"How many people are coming?" I asked, nervously. _Please let it only be a few people…_

"Let's see." Eowyn tossed back her long blonde hair and counted on her fingers. "Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Elrond, Arwen, Elrohir, Elladan, Galadriel, Celeborn, Saruman, Wormtongue, me, Eomer, Boromir, Faramir, Theoden, Glorfindel, Bilbo, Thranduil, Rosie, Gollum/Smeagol, Haldir, and Sauron."

_Oh…that's definitely not a few people._

"Okay." I said, trying not to sound meek. "But that's a lot of people."

Faramir shrugged. "Well, we tried to narrow it down with a bunch of games. Like the nose game, and then rock, paper scissors, shoot!, then toss-the-ball, and whoever caught it would be chosen, so we had to do a few rounds of that – "

"Which resulted in many injuries." Frodo said helpfully.

"So that game didn't count. So lastly we just decided to see who could call dibs on it first but everyone ended saying it all at the same time." Faramir continued.

"So yeah, since everyone want in on the birthday celebration we just allowed the people, not animals, to come."

Just then, we heard Arwen's singsong voice ringing throughout the house. "It's time to gooooo!" Arwen sang.

Everyone filed outside of the house. I glanced nervously at the houses around the quiet neighborhood, hoping no one was looking. Merry and Pippin were playing with the golden leaves on the ground and throwing it at Gollum/Smeagol.

"_Nasty, tricksey hobbitses!"_Gollum/Smeagol shrieked loudly. I winced.

Sam laughed as he strode by the bent, frail creature. Gollum/Smeagol stuck his tongue out at him and scowled at him. "Stupid, fat hobbit!" he told Sam.

Sam rolled his eyes as he got into the car.

Elladan and Elrohir were intent on making me sit in their Phantom Rolls Royce. "It's bloody brilliant, isn't it?" They crooned. Elladan patted the black car lovingly.

"Oh, yeah, it's nice…" I slid into the back seat of white leather seats. It even had a TV inside, and it was turned on to a video game. Inside were Glorfindel and Eowyn, and Merry and Pippin sitting on the clean floor of the car, because of their small size. They were playing video games on the TV, crowing, "Oh! Did you see me just diss that guy?"

Meanwhile, Elladan and Elrohir were busy fighting over who would get to drive the car.

"I wanna drive!"

"No, I wanna!"

"No, I get to!"

"You did it last time!"

"Did not, it was you! I wanna drive!"

"No, lemme do it!"

Eowyn sighed, and got out of the car. I couldn't see it because the view was blocked by the front seat and part of the car, but I could tell Eowyn was busy deciding who would get to drive. The front seat was opened, and Elrohir was shoved in the driving seat and Elladan in the passenger's seat.

Then Eowyn got back into her seat and smiled at us with charm and much perfection. "Now, are we all happy?"

There was a weak chorus of "Yes." Well, if you included the groan from Elladan. "I still wanna drive the car." He grumbled.

Eowyn cleared her throat.

"Oh, uh, I-I mean, Elrohir may drive the car for this lovely…um…kind of cloudy day!" Elladan stuttered, revising his statement quickly to avoid Eowyn's cold gaze.

Glorfindel sniggered.

We pulled out of the driveway, and onto wherever we were going.

"Which restaurant are we going to?" I asked.

"You haven't heard it before." Glorfindel said lightly. "In fact, probably most of everybody on Earth has never heard of it before."

I nodded. "So which one is it?"

The car was quiet, except for the noises coming from the video games and Merry and Pippin's constant cheering.

"Um, it's kind of hard to explain." Elrohir said. "You'll see when you get there."

"Okay, then." Sitting back, I enjoyed the comforts of a black Phantom Rolls Royce and laughed along to Merry and Pippin's comments on the video game.

I passed Glorfindel a cheery grin. "Looks like I don't need the tape - we can watch it now!"

* * *

><p>Do ya like it?<p>

Don't forget to leave me a review? Me love reviews...yummy reviews...XD

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	5. IT'S VIGGO!

This story is by far the funnest to write. I'm a happy kid today. :D

So kick back and relax. Read. Review. And wait for the next chapter. ;)

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 5:**

The movie theater was the next place to go for.

But getting out of the restaurant was a big challenge, like getting out of the mall. First off, there were no wargs to help. Second off, Arwen was busy trying to hold back Aragorn. Elladan and Elrohir were trying to hold back Elrond. Rosie was trying to stop Gollum/Smeagol, Frodo and Sam from throwing the peanut butter jar back and forth. Gimli and Legolas were already having their little drunken fight. Theoden, Eomer, and Eowyn kept tripping over things that Merry and Pippin had mischievously put in their way. And Haldir and Galadriel were just enjoying the scene, as of the other table.

And me? Oh...I was all over the place.

But finally I did get them settled down. Eowyn had finally got her warrior instincts together and got Merry and Pippin under control. Then Eomer and Theoden helped Rosie get the peanut butter trio to stop throwing the jar back and forth. And one good whack over Aragorn's head, Arwen decided, with a plate, that it would knock some sense into him.

It did work, but it knocked some macaroni and cheese on his head too.

Yeah, and the restaurant was just...crazy.

But now Arwen dragged us all to a movie theater. Which...frankly, was another one of those ancient houses built by Arwen and Aragorn's command and housed many other book/movie characters.

"Which movie?" I asked Arwen, catching up with her fast yet graceful pace.

"The Lord of the Rings. Extended version. The Fellowship of the Ring." She said simply.

I raised my eyebrows. Well, that was a surprise. "Why that one?" I asked.

She shrugged. "It fits the occasion? And we haven't seen it in a while, and we'd like to see it...and, well, you might take the joy of making fun of the movies like the others will." She cast a grin at me, and gestured behind her.

I looked behind me, and the others did look delighted to make fun of the movie.

I nodded, and as Arwen got the popcorn and drinks bought and passed around, we headed to the completely empty theater that was currently showing the Lord of the Rings Extended Version.

Merry and Pippin made an automatic dash for the very top seats, in the very back. I let them aside and watched them literally pounce on the seats, get comfortable, kick their feet up, find a cushion out of nowhere, and lit their pipes and let out a contented sigh in practically ten seconds.

We all sat down, with Gandalf and Elladan besides me. The movie began. It began with the prologue, with an elf speaking elvish. Galadriel in the movie began speaking. "Much that once was is lost. For none now live who remember it."

"We do." Galadriel immediately spoke up, and popped a few popcorn in her mouth in the process somewhere around me.

"It began with the forging of the great rings."

Suddenly Frodo spoke up. "Why does everything has to link with jewelry again? Did Tolkien have something about jewelry or what?"

Nobody knew why.

"Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings." Galadriel in the movie said.

"Pssh." Gimli snorted. "That's a bunch of trash. Even if they're just plain spiffy and can live forever, dwarfs are definitely cooler. We actually make stuff. Elves just dance and prance and act like hippies."

Haldir turned slowly to him. "I beg your pardon?" He asked, his voice threatening.

Gimli rolled his eyes. "What I mean is that you all wear your hair long like hippies and hate war like hippies too."

"Well I'm _sorry_ we great elves act like hippies." Haldir said snottily.

"Just because you're an elf/hippy doesn't mean that you're great." Gimli revised.

"Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls."

Gimli let out a great holler and pumped his fist into the air. "YEAH! WE ARE THE COOLEST - "

Glorfindel sighed and pushed Gimli's arm down. "Okay, we get it." He rubbed his forehead.

"And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men — who above all else, desire power."

Aragorn coughed.

"For within these rings was bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made."

"That was not my fault." Sauron said loudly.

"In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master ring, to control all others."

"Argh! Didn't I just said that it wasn't my fault?" Sauron snarled.

Then there was an image of Sauron at the Crack of Doom, who was covered up in metal armor, and wore the One Ring on his right hand.

The Sauron watching the movie sat back, his arms crossed. "That's offensive." He declared. "I do not wear eighty pounds of armor like that, and I do not have a lust to control all others, except for the employees because I'm the boss of my own company."

Boromir snorted. "That's still called controlling."

"Do you think I care?" Sauron asked him.

"And into this Ring, he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life. One Ring to rule them all."

Sauron sighed and rubbed his temples. "My head hurts."

Wormtongue slipped loudly from his soda. When he looked up and saw all of us staring at him, who sort of interrupted the movie, he held up his hands. "Sorry." He apologized. "My bad."

And the story kept on going, until Elrond felt the need to say something when the actor gave the command to fire the arrows.

"You know, instead I would've said, 'STAY OFF THE GRASS!' rather than 'Hold positions! Fire arrows!'"

But when the arrows whizzed by his head in the battle scene, he commented, "Well then. That arrow almost hit my head. I could've _died!_" His voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Technically, it's not you who could've died. It's Hugo Weaving." Arwen told her father.

"Who plays _me_." He corrected her. "So I could've died!"

"No." Elrohir decided. "Scissored off some hair, yes. Killed? No."

Elrond swung his cold gaze towards his son. "My hair is valuable!" He snapped.

Then the movie kept going until Bilbo found the ring. The real Bilbo in the theater patted his chest in pride. "That's me. Right there." But when he got a closer look at himself, he bellowed, "I DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT!"

"Likewise." The lord of Rivendell muttered. "I have a big forehead."

Then in the movie Bilbo's birthday was being celebrated. A big sign was raised, and then the door was knocked by other fellow hobbits.

"Frodo! The door!" Bilbo called in the movie. And then the knocks became more insistent and louder, but Frodo wasn't in the house.

Bilbo turned to Frodo. "Where in Middle-Earth were you?" He said impatiently.

"Umm." Frodo fidgeted awkwardly. "Somewhere."

"Where?"

"...Over the rainbow?"

"Sticklebacks! Where is that boy? Frodo!" The real Bilbo glanced at the screen, intrigued yet disgusted. "Sticklebacks?" He echoed. "That's my cat. Why did I ask my cat where Frodo went?"

Pippin sniggered, but Bilbo noticed and threw popcorn at his face. Pippin's eyes lit up in glee and he quickly stuffed his thrown-treat in his mouth, chewing happily.

Then the scene turned to Gandalf and Frodo meeting that day.

"Wait for it..." Gandalf said happily.

"You're late!" Frodo in the movie crossed his arms, pouting in front of Gandalf.

"Wait for it...and I don't pout by the way..." Frodo added.

The movie Gandalf turned to Frodo slowly, with a rather annoyed expression.

"Wait for it...wait, hang on, my face didn't twitch that day!" Gandalf said, irritated. "Sheesh."

"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins. Nor is he early. He arrives _precisely_ when he means to."

The two in the movie stared at each other. "Oh, yeah." Frodo in the theater said. "That's our little staring competition."

Then Frodo in the theater turned around so he was facing Gandalf, and the two started another competition, but soon was interrupted by the movie when Gandalf in the movie said, "So, how is the old rascal? I hear it's going to be a party of special magnificence."

The theater was practically silent, except for the movie rolling. All chewing stopped, all sipping stopped, and all stared at Bilbo and a very awkward Gandalf. "Excuse me?" Bilbo asked Gandalf. "The old rascal?"

"Um." Gandalf began.

"You know Bilbo. He's got the whole place in an uproar." Frodo in the movie said.

Bilbo, who was sitting next to Frodo, turned his deadly stare towards his nephew who was currently sliding very far in his seat. His dark hair was barely visible to me, who was sitting a seat above him.

"What did you say?" Bilbo in the theater asked him.

"Um." Frodo also began.

"Well, that should please him!" Gandalf in the movie said, chuckling. Bilbo then swung his gaze towards Gandalf, who was also sliding down in his seat. I took my soda and drank a bit, grinning.

"Did I just hear a chuckle?" Bilbo demanded the old wizard.

Gandalf meeped.

Then the movie turned to another topic, and the movie Gandalf said, "Good gracious me!"

"Before you came along we Bagginses were very well thought of." Frodo in the movie said.

"Yeah _Gandalf_." Frodo told at the old wizard.

"Indeed?" The movie Gandalf said.

"Never had any adventures or did anything unexpected." Frodo in the movie said.

"If you're referring to the incident with the dragon, I was barely involved. All I did was give your uncle a little nudge out of the door." Gandalf in the movie said.

By this second Gandalf was practically sitting on the floor.

Bilbo leaned over his seat and glared at Gandalf. "A _little nudge_? You nearly cost me my life!" Then Bilbo threw popcorn at the old wizard's face, who batted it away. Pippin immediately leapt towards the old wizard and ate all of the popcorn thrown on the ground. Gandalf groaned as Pippin fought over the popcorn around him, blocking his way. "Fool of a Took!" He grumbled.

"Whatever you did, you've been officially labeled a disturber of the peace."

Frodo leaned over his seat as well and grinned. "Fool of a Wizard!"

"Oh really?" The movie wizard said.

"Yeah." Gandalf repeated. "Oh really?" He asked Frodo.

The hobbit children were obviously excited to see Gandalf. Then as the wizard rode past them, ignoring them, the fireworks were set off.

"I still make them!" Gandalf said cheerfully. "The best of the New Year and Fourth of July."

The movie slowly became into the party at night. Sam in the movie kept making side-long glances at Rosie, who was dancing.

Merry and Pippin leaned over Sam's shoulder, who looked uncomfortable. "Awwwww." They said in his ear. Rosie, who was sitting besides Sam, whacked both of them over the head with her purse.

Frodo took a break from dancing and sat next to Sam in the movies. "Go on Sam! Ask Rosie for a dance!"

"I would gladly accept." Sam in the theaters said to Rosie.

"I think I'll just have another ale." The Sam in the movies said.

"I would gladly accept." Merry said to Pippin. "Me too." Pippin agreed.

As Bilbo in the movies told the little hobbit children his story, one of them gasped and shook her head slightly. Arwen was thrilled. "They're so cute!" She giggled. "I just wanna pinch their cheeks - "

Bilbo in the theaters sighed. "And then she would bite you. She's like that. I almost backed away from her when they dragged me over to tell them the story."

Then two hobbits appeared, sneaking into Gandalf's cart. Merry and Pippin both whooped and cheered. "Bloody brilliant!" They said together.

Pippin took an extra large red firework, and Gandalf snorted. "I should've known." He muttered.

"Ah, but you didn't!" Merry pointed out.

Then the two hobbits in the movie stuck the firework in the ground in a tent.

"Done." Pippin in the movie said proudly.

"You're supposed to stick it in the ground!" Merry in the movie scolded him.

"Yeah Pippin." Merry in the theaters told Pippin.

"It is in the ground." Pippin pointed out, in unison of the movie Pippin.

"Outside!" Merry snapped in unison.

"It was your idea!"

But then the firework shot upwards, taking the tent up with it and throwing the two on the ground. And then the firework burst in a beautiful finale over the lake.

"That was good!" The movie Merry said happily, gazing at their accomplishment.

"Let's go get another one!"

But Gandalf came up behind them. The Gandalf besides me smirked. He caught them by the ear.

"That hurt!" The two theater hobbits whined. "You know hobbit ears are sensitive!"

"Which is why I did that!" Gandalf said gratefully.

The movie continued until Frodo had to leave the Shire with Sam, and then they met up with Merry and Pippin.

"Hoi! You get back here! Wait till I get this through you! Get out of my fields! You'll know the devil if I catch up with you!" Farmer Maggot in the movie shouted.

Merry sighed. "Ah, old times."

"'Dunno why he is so upset. It's only a couple of carrots!" Merry in the movie said.

"A couple of carrots?" Sam turned to Merry, eyebrows raised. "You stuffed yourselves with half his crop!"

"And some cabbages. And those few bags of potatoes that we lifted last week and, and the mushrooms the week before!" Pippin in the movie mentioned.

"Exactly!" Sam said.

"Yes Pippin! My point is, he is clearly overreactin'. Run!" Merry said in the movie.

"I still believe so." Merry in the theater said.

But Frodo, Merry and Pippin stopped when they reached a steep cliff. But Sam slammed into them full force and they toppled over the cliff, rolling down.

"Thanks Sam." Frodo told his friend.

But Bilbo was interested. "You really did that?" he asked incredulously. "My, my. Was I wrong to not follow Merry and Pippin's path and help them steal stuff as well."

Then the four hobbits get chased by the Black Riders, until they get to Bree and the Prancing Pony Inn. As they noticed that Aragorn, cloaked, was staring at them since they came, Frodo asked Butterbur, "Excuse me, that man in the corner, who is he?"

"Who am I?" Aragorn asked, taken aback. "Who_ am I_?"

"He's one of them rangers. Dangerous folk they are — wandering the wilds. What his right name is I've never heard, but around here, he's known as Strider." Butterbur told Frodo.

"Well then." Aragorn sat back in his seat. "I'm offended."

Sauron patted Aragorn's shoulder. "It's tough, buddy."

The movie director, at the moment, portrayed Aragorn to be a dark man. Aragorn let out a loud sigh, and sank a bit in his seat. "That's mean." He said. "Viggo looks mean."

"You mean you look mean?" Elrond asked Aragorn.

"No, Viggo looks mean."

As Frodo in the movie slipped and accidentally let the Ring onto his finger, Aragorn took Frodo to a room and threw him down on the ground, shutting the door behind him.

"Hey." Frodo said, insulted. "That was mean."

"Once again, it's _Viggo!_" Aragorn told him.

As Aragorn in the movie confronted Frodo, the door burst opened, and Sam, Merry and Pippin appeared, armed.

"A chair?" Merry turned to Pippin. "Are you serious? Who in the right state of mind uses a _chair _for defense?"

"Well Sam used his fists, which could easily be chopped off. I guess a chair works fine too." Pippin told him.

As the four hobbits and Aragorn traveled away from Bree, Aragorn told them, "Gentlemen, we do not stop 'till nightfall."

"What about breakfast?" Pippin asked in the movies. "Yes, breakfast?" Pippin in the theaters asked, put down his legs that were propped up and leaned forward.

"We've already had it." Aragorn in the movie said, exasperated.

"We've had one, yes. What about second breakfast?" Pippin asked.

"Don't think he knows about second breakfast Pip." Merry told Pippin.

The Pippin watching the movie called to Aragorn, "You know now?"

"Yes." was the response. "I didn't just sit in the kitchen and eat peanut butter all day, you know. In the period of 6000 years I have learned many things."

"Sure, you spent a year learning all of the world's new things and spent 5999 years eating peanut butter." Arwen teased Aragorn, nudging his arm.

"What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them doesn't he?"

"I wouldn't count on it."

But from over the bushes, an apple was tossed and Merry caught it. Then he passed it to Pippin, and patted his shoulder. Another apple flew into the air and it hit Pippin in the head.

"Aragorn, you're so mean!" Pippin wailed.

"IT'S VIGGO!"

* * *

><p>Once again, IT'S VIGGO!<p>

Another fast chapter. Might've made a mistake or two, just because you have to point out who is speaking in the movies or in the audience. Oh well.

But anyways, did ya like it? Hope you did. :D

Review to your delight! ;D

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	6. Lemon Juice Fights and Soda

Hello all!

Enjoy and review! :D

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 6:**

After the movies, we headed straight for the bowling alley.

Because Arwen threatened to bash our heads together if we didn't. But she said sweetly to me, "But not Dra of course."

Glorfindel grumbled something incoherent and Arwen smacked him upside his head and snapped, "You smell like rotten socks too, y'know!"

Since nobody wanted to ruin their good looks, especially the Elves, we just had to follow what she wanted to do. And rest assured, it was a very strange time to be there for me.

But because, like the others said, she was their party planner for the last 6000 years. This was just one of them.

We were also in one of those buildings that was built long ago and housed other story characters.

"How many other buildings do you have that's like this?" I asked Arwen, tying my shoelaces on one of the benches.

"Oh, we have many." She told me. "But the carnival we're going to afterwards isn't one of ours. It's a Mortals' carnival, so I guess it should be an interestingly new experience."

I nodded, watching Merry and Pippin heaved a large bowling ball to their alley.

"Sweet Eru, this is heavy!" Merry panted.

"Very!" Pippin agreed.

As they were carrying the ball around, Merry slipped on an extra-slippery part of the floor that was just mopped up. He completely missed the big yellow caution sign on the floor. They let out a yelp and the bowling ball fell on Pippin's foot.

As you can tell, Pippin was not happy.

"YEOW!" He shrieked, hopping around, nursing his hurt foot.

"_ARWEEENN MERRY HURT MY FOOOOT_!"

Arwen groaned and muttered, "Maybe coming here was a mistake after all."

I grinned and watched as Elladan and Elrohir bowled a ball down the long path, and hit most of the pins down.

"YEAH!" They shouted, as if they were in that arcade in the mall again.

Elrond attempted to do the same.

"YEAH!" He hit all of them. It was extremely funny to see him do it, considering that he was the elf lord of Rivendell, had the eyebrows that would occasionally freak me out when he was mad, and just didn't seem like he would be the one to do it.

"No, Dad, don't do that." Elrohir patted his father's shoulder. "It sounds weird, coming out of your mouth in particular."

"Yeah, it looks weird too." Elladan added in unhelpfully. "No offense."

Meanwhile, Aragorn was busy at the food section of the bowling alley, diving into his peanut butter. Well, actually it was peanut butter ice cream, but it was really the same thing.

But worst, he had taken his first stab at soda. I told Arwen and she sighed, and mumbled something like "A new obsession, like Sauron."

I watched him order a can, open it, and then take a sip. His eyes lit up in wonder. Besides him sat Boromir.

"Is it good?" Boromir asked.

"It's awesome."

"I told you so." Boromir looked smug. "That's why everyone likes it so much. A wonder to me why you never tried it in the first place."

Aragorn shrugged. "It looked like melted poop. Disgusting."

Boromir snorted. "Poop can't melt, But anyways, we need it everyday because - "

"I feel like singing." Aragorn said randomly. His eyes were dreamy like, like he was thinking wistfully in his memories.

Boromir raised his eyebrows. That was a bad sign. Always was. "What?" He asked.

"I feel like _singing_." Aragorn repeated, looking at his friend, a Man of Gondor. "I really want to _sing_, Boromir. I really want to now!"

"Please don't."

"I feel like _singing_!" Aragorn stood up, singing out the words 'singing'. But his voice was very off-tune.

_Very_.

There were crickets, evidently, in the bowling alley, because I could hear them in the abrupt quietness of the room.

Faramir shook his head and said, "I think I will go use the facilities for the rest of the time we are here. Call me out when you are ready to leave."

"Same here." Haldir said. He left.

"Same." Glorfindel said. He left.

"I can't watch." Galadriel said. "I know what's going to happen." She left.

"Oh yeah." Elrond and Gandalf and Saruman left as well.

I hid a grin. Elrond, Galadriel, Gandalf and Saruman all left because they could foretell the future. And so far they knew it would be bad.

Eowyn sat back, relaxed. "Y'know, I could watch Aragorn sing."

"THANK YOU!" Aragorn sang to Eowyn.

"I can't." Eomer said.

"Why not?" Eowyn asked.

"Because," he stopped at the men's room, "You're you. You can withstand just about 99.99999999% of anything the world has to offer to throw at you."

"Like lemons?" She asked.

"Yeah."

"I would demand to speak to life about their ripeness." Eowyn said cheerfully. "Or make lemonade."

"Or you would squirt lemon juice at people you don't like." Eomer said indifferently, before heading into the men's bathroom to hide.

_A/N: Check my profile for more throw-lemons-at-you comments! :D_

Eowyn rolled her eyes before getting up to buy a few lemons at the food section, and then tiptoeing to the men's room. She put her finger to her lips when she saw me watching her, and then rammed into the men's bathroom door, and without looking inside, she squeezed a lemon in her fist and a spray of lemon juice sprouted from the lemon.

Obviously, it hit someone, and that someone was not delighted.

"Aiiiii!" Somebody wailed. It sounded like Elrond. "My valuable hair! It almost got scissored off in the movie, why should it be splattered with lemon juice now?"

"EOWYN! I WILL KILL YOU!"

"MY PRECIOUS HAIR!"

Eowyn though was quite prepared. She practically leapt onto one of the benches, sat back, crossed her legs and acted as if she had done nothing wrong.

Eomer and Elrond who seemed to have taken most of the lemon's squirt, stormed out of the bathroom, their hair and clothes stained.

"EOWYN!" Eomer yelled.

"What was that for?" Elrond complained.

Eowyn maintained a perfectly concerned look. "What was what for?" She asked innocently.

"WHEN I SAY 'SQUIRT LEMON JUICE AT PEOPLE YOU DON'T LIKE' , I DON'T MEAN IT LITERALLY!" Eomer bellowed.

Although he was very loud, it did block out Aragorn's atrocious singing, which was good.

Elladan nudged Elrohir. "See? I _told_ you that it was a Rohan thing to have loud vocies, too. Eomer, though, has a fine example of one."

"DON'T YOU START THAT WITH ME EITHER, ELF!" Eomer snarled.

Elladan and Elrohir smirked. "Oh?" They said in unison. "How would you know which elf said it? You weren't watching us when we said it, and we have practically the same voices." They shoved their faces together, almost like back in the restaurant with Fred and George Weasley.

Eomer growled. "I'll wring both your necks - "

"Eomer!" Both Arwen and Elrond cried.

"FINE!" He snapped. "I'll have a talk, but after I deal with my troublesome sister first...where's my father?"

Eowyn raised her eyebrows. I swear, she was the master of trickery, acting and lying. "Why do you request our father? Whatever are you talking about, dear Eomer?" She asked sweetly, her voice coated in a layer of sugar. "Why do you reek of lemon juice? Oh, never mind. Wormy did it." She pointed to Wormtongue, who coincidentally was drinking lemonade and enjoying himself.

Eomer glared at Grima before stomping towards him with Elrond, seething, hot on his heels. _Oh boy,_ I thought. _Very angry Rohan prince and elf lord at six o' clock, Wormtongue! Run, now!...oh, never mind, too late now..._

Eomer knocked Grima's lemonade out of his hand. "Hey!" The pale man whined. "You owe me a dollar fifty now!"

"You think we care?" Elrond snapped.

"Why did you dump lemon juice on me?" Eomer growled.

I made a mental note to myself: Eomer and Elrond temper's are unpredictable, extremely fast, and hot. Must beware.

"Preposterous!" Wormtongue snorted. "Why would I - "

"You did, didn't you?" Eowyn faked a gasp. "How dare you do that to my brother?"

I was close to peeing in my pants. I was laughing that hard.

"Eowyn! You did it!" Wormtongue wailed.

"Most certainly did not!" Eowyn placed a hand on her chest, feigning utter shock on her face. "I am most offended!"

"Yeah!" Aragorn sang, not helping. He was now singing what other people were saying. "YOU OFFENDED THE BEAUTIFUL EOWYN!"

Frodo shook his head and sighed. Bilbo said, "They're barnacle heads!'

Faramir bolted out of the men's room.

"Who offended Eowyn?" He demanded.

Boromir asked, "Dude. You could hear Aragorn from all the way in the bathroom?"

Faramir shrugged. "Well, it's not like Aragorn's the quietest person in the world when he sings. But anyways - who offended Eowyn?"

"GRIMA WORMTONGUE!" Aragorn sang.

"Stop it." Boromir told him. "I think I need surgery on my ears now. Literally."

"I will not stop!" Aragorn sang.

"Stop singing! Look, I'm sorry, but YOU CAN'T SING!"

"I WILL NOT - " Aragorn sang, and then took a deep breath, "**_STOP!"_**

"Eru save us," Arwen murmured. "Aragorn's gone insane! And please give him a voice coach in the meantime."

"GRIMA!" Faramir snarled. "How dare you - "

Another mental note: Husbands are very protective of wives. Beware, Dra.

"Ooh, and he hit on me in Rohan too!"

"GRIMA!"

"Eowyn, you already told him that!" Wormtongue wailed.

"Several times." Eowyn said cheerfully to Faramir. "Just in case Faramir forgot."

"WORMTONGUE, I WILL LITERALLY SHOVE A CAR UP YOUR - "

I felt someone clap two hands over each ear. I looked up, and saw Arwen grinning down at me. She mouthed, "These words should not be heard in the birthday girl's ears. Especially Faramir's. His words are _spectacularly_ bad."

I gave her a thumbs - up and then she let go when the coast seemed clear.

"Please, don't swear like that ever again." Arwen said to Faramir.

He shrugged. "It'll depend on the situation. But anyways..."

Faramir, Elrond and Eomer both surrounded Wormtongue like a hungry pack of wolves about to attack on a weak deer. I almost felt bad for him.

"This should be interesting." I murmured under my breath.

In the meanwhile, Elladan and Elrohir poked their heads out of the bathroom. "Coast clear?" They asked Eowyn, who smiled at them sweetly.

"Yep. Come on out."

The two pesky elf twins crept out of the bathroom quietly, but it didn't matter because Eomer, Elrond and Faramir were busy beating up Wormtongue with bowling balls.

Eowyn secretly handed them a few lemons each. "Here. Squeeze as hard as you can and as much as you can. But hang on, I'm going to buy some more."

Then Eowyn went to the food stand and bought more, and then came back, handing them even more. All three had a happy grin on their faces. Full of delight and mischief.

"Elrohir, you go over there. Elladan, you over there, and I'll stay here. On the count of three, I'll tell you when to start. Got it? Good."

She then sent them away to their designated spots.

When all seemed ready, Eowyn shouted, "ONE, TWO, THREE - NOW!"

All three leapt forward, and squeezed the lemons in their hands as hard as they could at Eomer, Elrond and Faramir. A spray of lemon juice came at the three men who were still beating up Wormtongue with a bowling ball.

"Are they serious?" Arwen asked, eyebrows arched.

"I guess so." I was laughing hard. It just was so...funny.

"YEAH!" Eowyn, Elladan, and Elrohir crowed. "THAT WAS AWESOME!"

The result was a very ticked off Eomer, a very annoyed Faramir, and a very hysterical Elrond. And a very amused Wormtongue, who sported a bruised eye and a few cuts, who didn't get any of the spray because the three men blocked the spray from reaching him.

"EOWYN!" Eomer shouted at his little sister, who was giggling like mad.

"ELLADAN! ELROHIR!" Elrond shouted at his two sons, who guffawed.

"Lemon juice." Faramir said flatly. "Lemon juice. Is that the best you can do?"

"You'd like me to do more?" Eowyn asked excitedly.

"No!" Faramir said quickly.

Theoden came back with a tray full of refreshments, with cookies and biscuits. And lemonade. He took one long look at Eomer and Faramir. "What happened to you two?"

"And me!" Elrond said angrily.

"Eowyn did it!" Eomer pointed at his sister.

There was an awkward silence, and then Theoden laughed. "You look funny." He pointed and laughed at his nephew.

It was extremely hilarious for me.

Then, to my surprise, Theoden took his own lemonade and threw some on his nephew's T-shirt. More lemon juice splattered. "Dude!" Eomer yelped. "What are you, insane?"

"No, you just look funny." Theoden walked away, still chuckling.

"See?" Eowyn patted Eomer's head like a dog. "Even Uncle likes it. LEMON JUICE FIGHT!"

Elladan, Elrohir, Eowyn and Theoden all jumped in, and starting spraying/dumping lemon juice on Elrond, Eomer and Faramir. Even Wormtongue joined in, to take revenge for his black eye.

Somehow, I grew to love lemon juice fights.

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><p>I actually never had had a lemon juice fight. Pillow fights, yes. Food fights, yes. Lemonade? Nah. Love to have one.<p>

Why don't you guys try? :D

Please review!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	7. Destroying Mirrors With Golf Clubs

YEEHAW! Sorry I haven't updated in what, fifty bazillion seconds? Was fairly busy working on my other story, and for school. But I'm back!

I don't know what your opinion on this chapter would be, but I feel like it's gotten a tad less funnier. Eeek! My humor brain cells are running out of good funny stuff! Oh no!

Grr. My fingers hurt for some reason. The weather? Maybe, because it just became nearly 30-40 degrees Fahrenheit in just a few days this week. Okay, anyways...

On to the story! :D

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 7:**

"WHEEEEE!" Wormtongue squealed as he rushed pass me on the roller coaster. "LOOK AT MEEEEE..."

We were at the carnival, as you can tell. Aragorn was still singing, Eomer still grumbling about lemon juice, and everyone was having a good time.

It was a Mortals' carnival. Of course, they couldn't see any of the Lord of the Rings characters, which was good, but that meant that any two LoTR characters invisible to the Mortals' sitting in a roller coaster seat was a big no-no since Mortals' couldn't see them and would take their seat, unbeknownst to them that they would be sitting on a LoTR's lap.

But, if you were lucky, you could get a seat all to yourself. Like Wormtongue did.

Merry and Pippin were both on the merry-go-rounds, Merry being extremely pleased, thinking that the merry-go-round was named after him. Hence the MERRY-go-round. Eomer and Theoden were staring at the horses with frowns.

Eomer shook his head. "What a shame to the Riders of Rohan. Plastic horses!"

Legolas and Gimli were having another contest at one of the games. It was one of the aiming games, where you had to throw a dart and if it hit a balloon full of water, you got a prize. And the quality of the prize depended on which balloons you could hit accurately.

Legolas, of course, was winning, due to his archery skills. Gimli was losing poorly, to his rage. It wasn't very long before Legolas had a mountain of various toys at his side and Gimli with a few.

"I'll have no point-eared elf like you winning all my toys!" Gimli shouted hysterically as he saw Legolas smirk at him, picking up several darts and chucking them randomly at the balloons, missing all of them as well.

Angry dwarves don't make the best aimers.

Go figure.

I picked cotton candy off the stick, popping them into my mouth cheerfully as I scanned the bright lights of the carnival and watching the night gradually dimming, a soft orange glow of the sun setting in the distance. The stars were beginning to shine in the darker part of the sky.

And when I looked up, there was a giant ferris wheel, shining with colorful lights as it slowly spun around in a circle. Glorfindel told me that Arwen and Aragorn were going to be kissing in one of the compartments. "See if you can find them, when they go in." Haldir told me as Glorfindel stared at the ferris wheel, as if trying to see the future, inside of each one. "And them tell us!"

"Okay..." I said uncertainly. I hope they wren't going to do anything _bad_...

Meanwhile, as Gimli fumed to himself in a corner as Legolas enjoyed himself with his toys. Suddenly, he stood up and yelled, "Let us set the score right!" His face was set with determination.

Aragorn, Boromir, Faramir and Eowyn were walking together and they passed the elf and dwarf, who were busy quarreling.

"Oh no..." Boromir groaned, rubbing his forehead. "Those two...elf and dwarf alike would never make good friends. How could Tolkien _do_ that to them?"

But Eowyn had already gone up to them to figure out what was the argument about.

"I challenged the Elf!" Gimli said loudly. "To the mirror maze!"

"That is much too easy." Legolas said, bored, faking a huge yawn for extra effects.

"Ah, but Moria was not, was it?" Gimli asked him. "I've had plenty of practice back there, thank you."

"Yes, and you requested more paper for the map." The elf pointed out. "What did you say half the time Gandalf was trying to figure out which path to take? 'Oh, how many meters is this room?' or 'Oh, I need more graph paper' or even 'I ripped the paper with my eraser - can I get a new one'?"

"You shut your mouth." Gimli grumbled.

"So that's it. Dwarves sure are strange creatures."

"But Legolas, you weren't much help either." Boromir pointed out. "First-hand experience for me and Aragorn - you thought Merry and Pippin stole your lucky underwear when you had it squished all the way down to the bottom of your pack. You were a shrieking, squealing little elf."

Aragorn started singing again. "SHRIEKING, SQUEALING - "

"Will you shut your mouth?" Boromir growled.

That definetely didn't stop Aragorn. "- LUCKY UNDERWEAR..."

"Good grief." Eowyn pinched the bridge of her nose. "And I _liked_him back in Rohan! I wonder how Arwen is putting up with him..."

"Not very well." Faramir whispered to her.

"I was neither shrieking or squealing." Legolas said indignantly.

"Of course you were!" Boromir said loudly, over Aragorn's singing. "Like a little girl!"

"LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!" Aragorn sang.

"Well - " Legolas said, slightly sheepish, "It was - manly - "

"Manly my_buttocks_." Faramir snorted, rolling his eyes.

"No, no, he has a point." Boromir said thoughtfully.

"Can we just get on with the maze now?" Eowyn complained. "I wanna kick butt again..."

"KICKING BUTT - "

"I will rip out your vocal cords." Boromir threatened Aragorn. That did shut him up for a bit.

Then they headed on to the mirror maze, and entered. Whoever could make it out first would be the winner. The prize? They haven't decided on it yet, but it would come soon.

"This should be easy." Faramir commented cheerfully. "Just follow Aragorn's voice."

"And if he ends up in the wrong place?" Gimli asked him from some distance away.

"Then I'll follow my nose." Faramir said in turn. "Remember what Gandalf said? 'If in doubt, Meriadoc, always follow your nose.'"

Then there was the sound of loud sniffing.

"I don't smell no nuthin'" Boromir said. "Except popcorn and hotdogs and ice cream and cotton candy and stuff - "

"THAT SMELLS GOOD!" Aragorn sang and squealed at the same time.

"What, the hotdogs or something?" Legolas asked.

"PEANUT BUTTER! SODA!" Aragorn screamed and there was the sound of rapid footsteps, running. And then there was a loud "OOF!" and a thud.

Eowyn sighed. "Please don't tell me he ran into a mirror."

"My nose hurts!" Aragorn whined. "I ran into a mirror!"

"Eru!" Eowyn breathed.

"I WANT MY PEANUT BUTTER AND SODA!" Aragorn complained again.

"On the other hand, Aragorn's not singing." Faramir said brightly.

"WHERE'S MY PEANUT BUTTER AND SODA?" Aragorn sang, contradicting Faramir.

"Never mind." Faramir said grouchily. "Where's the stupid exit?"

Nobody else had found it. "Don't you dare find the exit before me, elf!" Gimli shouted as he randomly picked a path, fumbling along.

"And if I...do?" Legolas asked calmly, making his way through.

"I'll stuff your little toys down your throat." Gimli said easily.

"Such violence." Eowyn remarked. "My, Gimli. I never was aware you were a violent person."

"Ooh!" Legolas said enthusiastically. "Is that the _exit_I see?" Truth be told, he didn't really see the exit or find it. He was just as lost as everyone else, but he wanted to grind on Gimli's nerves. Just to see how it would be like...

"ARGH!" Gimli howled. "You insolent, impossible, stupid, retarded, sneaky, evil - "

"WHERE'S THE EXIT?" Aragorn sang louder than Gimli could rant, which was good, because Gimli had a handful of dwarvish curses and swears up his sleeves, ready to spill out.

"Where's the exit?" Gimli said, panicking. "Quick - I need to stuff toys down his throat!"

"Be patient." Boromir told him. "Look - you'll get out when you get out."

"I don't blame him." Aragorn said. "I want to get out too!"

"You're not singing!" Faramir said happily.

Aragorn gasped loudly. "My singing! My beautiful voice! I must find more soda!"

Eowyn groaned, and smacked her forehead. "You _had_to say that?"

Faramir shrugged. "Sorry."

"Whatever." Gimli growled. "Let's just find a way out of this stinkin' maze. Can't believe I let Legolas get away _again_ - "

Legolas remained silent. It was funny.

And as Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, Boromir, Faramir and Eowyn were busy trying to find their way out of the maze, Gandalf was busy studying the new fireworks that were going to be put out later at night. Merry and Pippin were following him around, and the old wizard couldn't get them away so he just decided he would have to put up with them.

"DO NOT touch anything." Gandalf told Pippin and Merry. "Or you're not only washing dishes for Shelob, but you're taking out the trash, doing the laundry, mopping the floors, dusting the shelves, checking the mail, raking the leaves, shoveling the snow, watering the garden, shopping for groceries, vacuuming the rugs, switching the bed covers and pillowcases, killing the critters in Haldir's room, stocking up Aragorn's peanut butter and now soda as well, replenishing the soap and shampoo for Wormtongue's bubble baths, buying video games for Elladan and Elrohir with your own money, feeding the puppies, feeding the fell beasts, bringing up food for Harry, and Eru-knows-how-much-more-things-I-could-add-to-this-ridiculous-list, or else I'll twist your ears like I did before and make you eat three meals per day, so that means NO second breakfasts, elevenses, afternoon tea, and absolutely NO midnight snacking!"

"Wow." Pippin and Merry awed at the lengthy list after they registered each and every chore they needed to do. "How much air do you reckon Gandalf needed to use to say that?"

The two hobbits followed Gandalf around to the fireworks, where Gandalf were making notes on the newer technology that made fireworks.

"Merry!" Pippin exclaimed. "Look at _that_one!" He pointed to an extremely large firework, a bright blue one.

Merry's eyes bulged like watermelons. "I like that one!"

Pippin and Merry exchanged glances before sneaking off. Gandalf was too busy muttering over the advantages and disadvantages of a particular firework.

"Got it!" Pippin said cheerfully. He lugged the giant bright blue firework off the cart and brought it away with Merry.

"Oh, it's just like old time, isn't it?" Pippin said.

"Sure is."

Meanwhile, at the mirror maze...

Aragorn used his nose to find his way around the mirror maze, like Gandalf had told them. He could smell peanut butter and soda from inside the maze. He followed the scents until he found a large door with a large sign that read, "YOU REACHED THE EXIT OF MIRROR MAZE! CONGRATULATIONS!"

"Mamma mia!" Aragorn squealed. "I FOUND THE EXIT!" He sang.

"_**WHAT**_?" Eowyn, Faramir, Boromir, Legolas and Gimli shouted. The five were relentlessly pursuing the exit and were now exhausted beyond belief. They had already given up. Now they were grouped together, sitting on the ground, looking hopeless and lost.

"GET HIM!" Eowyn bellowed, shooting up and marching straight towards a mirror.

"Wait, you can't just plow right through the mirrors!" Faramir said, pulling her back.

"Sure I can!" Eowyn said cheerfully.

"You'll get hurt! It's _glass_ - "

"So?" Eowyn shrugged. "What's the big deal?"

Before anyone could stop her, Eowyn pulled out a golf club and began smashing down the mirrors.

"OI!" Boromir yelped. "Don't do that!"

"Where'd you get the golf club?" Gimli asked, interested.

"Oh, there's a shop nearby. Thought it might come in handy." Eowyn told him. Gimli's eyes gleamed in mischief and Legolas fidgeted.

"Don't stuff the toys down my throat with a golf club." Legolas said nervously.

"Don't worry." Gimli reassured him. "It'll be painful."

Legolas moved a foot away from the Dwarf.

Then Eowyn kept smashing down mirrors until she reached Aragorn's singing voice.

"I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND IT, I FOUND - "

"Gentlemen - " Eowyn pointed to a giant door. "The stinkin' exit."

"GET IT!" Each person was so desperate to get to the door, being half-starved and exhausted and bored to death, they all pushed and shoved each other to the door.

"You guys!" Eowyn yelled. "It's not like it's the end of the world!"

They didn't listen to her. "Guys! You're full grown men, so immature - oh, you know what?" Eowyn said, exasperated, to herself, "I have a golf club and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"HAI-YAH!" Eowyn hollered. "LADIES' FIRST!" She plowed right through the shoving men with a golf club, using her expert butt-kicking skills to get her way through with her golf club.

Soon, Eowyn was the first outside. "I WON!" She shrieked with joy. Aragorn bolted away to the peanut butter and soda shops.

"Congrats, honey." Faramir said reluctantly.

"Oh, don't be a spoil sport!" Eowyn giggled. "So what's the prize, guys?"

Gimli looked grudgingly around a few times, before saying, "Legolas - give up your toys."

"What?" The elf snapped indignantly, outraged. "No!"

"Oh, Leggy, don't be so immature!" Eowyn said cheerfully, slapping him playfully on the arm. Everyone exchanged glances. Eowyn was only happy whenever she used other people's nicknames. For example, Legolas is Leggy, Glorfindel is...Glory-fiddell...

"Fine." Legolas grumbled. "Take 'em all."

"YAY!"

Soon Eowyn was buried in approximately thirty stuffed toys, all dolls, animals or plush toys.

And then, I came around the corner, just exploring. I already went through a few rides and so far it's been absolutely fantastic. And I saw Eowyn immersed in that mountain of toys..."What's with the..." I pointed to Eowyn, talking to Faramir.

"Don't ask. She likes toys."

I nodded. I learned not to expect much because these Lord of the Rings characters have _much_for me to learn from.

"Oh my gosh - do you know how long I wanted one of these?" Eowyn held up a pillow pet triumphantly. "I love these!" Then she spotted me. "Hi Dra!" She said enthusiastically. "Would you like a pillow pet?"

"Um - uh - " I wasn't sure if I wanted one of those pillows. Because...I guess, they were meant for kids -

"Sure she does!" Gimli nudged me, and steered me to Eowyn. "Take your pick, birthday girl!"

Eowyn probably had about eight hundred of them. There were penguins, lady bugs, bees, horses, unicorns, dogs, rabbits, frogs, hippos, giraffes, pandas, penguins, ducks, bears - you name it.

Eowyn decided to give me the horse, dolphin, duck and penguin, since she had about ten of them anyways.

"Thanks." I said, heaving four fluffy pillow pets up in my arms. I could barely see my feet. How was I supposed to walk? "But I can't carry this all around - "

"Of course you can't!" Eowyn said with all too much cheer. "Here, Legolas, you can carry them - "

Poor _elf_...

"Eowyn isn't very considerate of others when she's happy." Boromir told me, seeing my stunned expression. "You'll get used to it, don't worry."

"Alright then..."

Meanwhile, with Merry and Pippin...

Over the loudspeakers in the carnival, a loud, female, voice said, "And now, we will be presenting our firework show to celebrate the Big Apple Carnival's 45th anniversary!"

"Y'hear that, Merry?" Pippin said excitedly. "Fireworks! Let's set off this giant blue one now!"

Merry agreed. "But not inside a tent!" He warned his relative. "_Outside_. We hobbits learn from our mistakes!"

Together, they found a place situated enough from the other people gathering to watch the fireworks to light theirs. Sticking into the ground, Merry and Pippin both lit the fuse, as the show was already beginning.

"There we go!" Merry said. "Lovely, isn't it?"

They ducked behind a few boxes as the blue firework shot off from the ground, obviously now more well-planned and not covered in soot as they were before.

The other workers who were setting off the firework didn't notice the blue firework at first, but soon realized that this particular one wasn't supposed to go off yet. It was saved for the last. And apparently Gandalf knew that too.

Because he has super-duper wizard skills.

"Houston, we have a problem." Gandalf muttered under his breath, and headed towards the direction of the blue firework.

The blue firework burst in the sky, seemingly covering the entire sky. Everyone clapped and cheered in awe at the massive beauty of it.

"Sparkly..." Smeagol crooned. "Shiny..."

"_Gollum! Gollum!_Those fat hobbitses, Merry and Pippin must've done it!" Gollum growled.

Although the blue firework didn't make much of a problem as it did in the Shire, the whole playlist of fireworks was messed up.

Merry and Pippin gazed proudly at their accomplishment. "Well, would you look at that?" Pippin said happily.

"Sweet! That was awesome!"

"Let's get another one!"

And as it happened before, Gandalf stepped up behind them. He grabbed each of them by the ear painfully.

"Quoting the Fellowship of the Ring," Gandalf observed, "Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrin Took. I might have known. You are officially not only washing the dishes for Shelob, but - "

"We know, we know." Merry sighed. "Hold your breath - we don't want your lungs to explode."

We arrived home late, nearly eleven o'clock at night, and everyone was drowsy, exhausted, tired, yet brought home good memories.

"That was...AWESOME." Haldir sighed.

"But we didn't get to see Arwen and Aragorn kiss..." Glorfindel complained tiredly.

"You guys actually fell for it?" Arwen asked, surprised. "Whoo! I tricked Haldir and Glorfindel..."

"Wait, where's Sauron?" I asked, when I looked over at everyone.

"He went home." Theoden said. "He said he was going to go home after the carnival."

I nodded, yawning. "Off to bed." Arwen told me. I obeyed. She was such a good baby-sitter...mom...person...although I was officially twenty-five and not a kid anymore.

I changed into my pajamas and brushed my teeth, and after that, went off to bed, under warm covers. I stretched, yawning several times before curling up in a comfortable position.

"GOOD-NIGHT EVERYONE!" Aragorn sang.

"Good-night."

"Toodles."

"See ya in the 'morn."

"TTFN."

And everyone had their own way of saying good-night. Even Eomer did. With a mighty snore.

"GOOD-NIGHT, GOOD-NIGHT, GOOD - "

"Shut up already!" Frodo yelled.

"I will seriously rip out your vocal cords." Gimli said drowsily.

The rest of the LoTR characters kept bickering on and on and on about ripping out Aragorn's vocal cords, but I was too tired to notice. I slowly drifted off to sleep without commenting.

And it just had to be _**THE BEST**_ birthday I've ever had.

* * *

><p>Yeah! I'm done with Chapter 7! On to Chapter 8!<p>

Sorry for the lack of updating! I'll try to type faster but...everyone hates school. :D

So, hope you liked this chapter! I really want my twenty-fifth birthday to be like this too...mm...

Don't forget to review!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	8. How To Ruin Thanksgiving

TADA! Chapter 8! Sorry if this chapter isn't as funny as before. I think my funniness is getting worn out...my funny inspiration is dying! Eek! That's also partly why I'm taking so long to post chapters...sad face.

Happy Halloween, everyone! I'm probably going as MYSELF for trick-or-treating. Yay! What are you guys gonna be for Halloween this year? Tell me! Plus, it's got to be Haldir's favorite holiday too. Can't wait til I'm 25 so I can see the look on his face when he goes trick-or-treating, although he's about 7000 years old or so. Or maybe see how the Mouth of Sauron comes around in his original costume from the movies and scares the heck out of all the little kids. LOL...though that wouldn't be very nice of the Mouth of Sauron.

No, actually, Haldir would be even meaner if he just took the bowl of candy from the candy-giver and ran away to eat it by himself. Or stole other kids' candy.

Gee, I love my muse...

Mm…this story is more or less in the Thanksgiving era. Should've been Halloween era, so then I could keep up with the holidays and it would be cooler that way. Oh well!

CANDY! My favorite candy is Reese's Pieces and caramels. What's yours? :D

Enjoy and review!

**Chapter 8:**

I awoke, blinking hard against bright sunlight. I yawned sleepily, rubbing my eyes, and then sat up groggily. I felt tired and sore at my feet. Was I walking yesterday? I forget...too tired to remember...

"I had the strangest dream." I mumbled, mostly to myself. "I met all the Lord of the Rings characters...and celebrated my birthday with them too…and Aragorn can't sing either…and I'm pretty sure that Eowyn gave me four pillow pets…"

I looked to the side, and sure enough, there were four pillow pets. "How…" I muttered, then shook my head. "I'm still dreaming."

I pinched my arm. "Ouch." The place where I pinched it before was pinkish. Proves that the pain was real, not a dream.

And just after I pinched myself, suddenly something burst my door open, and in came a hoard of puppies…wargs…and practically leapt on me. "Aaahh!" I yelped, not ready for the attack. Drooling tongues licked my face and I was drenched in puppy saliva. "Oh, gross…" I pushed a few puppies off my chest and wiped my face with my sleeve.

"I don't have puppies!" I said randomly, still talking to myself.

"Well, newsflash." I heard a voice at the doorway. I bit back a squeal of surprise and saw an amused Arwen. "You do have puppies. Nine warg puppies, to be specific. And get up quickly, sleepyhead."

I grinned and pushed back the covers, getting out of bed. "But why quickly?" I asked, as I pulled on my slippers and bathrobe, going into the bathroom. I checked inside – good. No Merry and Pippin inside to hog the shower. I closed the door behind me and turned on the shower.

"Don't you remember?" Arwen asked.

I tested the water, which was slightly too hot for me. I pulled the handle upwards, so that the water would be cooler, and then stepped into the shower.

"Remember what?"

"I don't blame you. You had quite a day yesterday. Your parents and brother are coming over today, to celebrate your birthday, in an hour or so."

I dropped the bar of soap that I was scrubbing myself with. "Say _what_?"

"Yeah, I know, right? Really uncalled for. They told you last week – I remember them calling you on the phone – and I guess you forgot." I picked up the bar of soap and resumed scrubbing myself.

I thought back a week ago, and then I remembered. Yeah, I think they _did_ call me, saying they'd come over today…oh geez. "Are you…ready?" I asked Arwen. "Please don't freak them out or do anything that'll be suspicious."

"Oh, I can't make any promises for anyone else, but I can promise you I won't do anything to let us be known." Arwen said cheerfully.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. But I'm worried more about the warg puppies and Merry and Pippin, because they're…more…playful, I guess."

"Don't worry." The elf assured me. "Nobody else will do much of anything to get in their way, even Merry and Pippin. Not sure about the puppies, though, but Merry and Pippin fortunately have enough brain cells to know that they shouldn't fool around when there are people around."

Then another thought came to me. "But what about the cars? And I remember you told me that if I'm doing something with one of you guys, it'll appear like I'm doing something regular."

"The cars are hidden. Gandalf has magic, doesn't he? And don't worry about anything. We've got it covered. Just act like we're not even there, okay?" Then there was a resounding crash downstairs and some yelling. "Think a warg puppy tipped over a vase." Arwen said calmly, as if it happened everyday. "I'll go check on them." Then she left.

"Okay." I said, still feeling slightly uneasy. I dried myself and put on some clothes, before heading out of the room and going downstairs.

Sure enough, those pesky puppies _were_ to blame, and a shattered vase was on the ground in pieces, scattered over the rug. Thankfully it didn't fall on the floor or else the hardwood boards would have marks.

"Bad Skittles!" Rosie scolded a puppy that didn't look regretful at all. "Oh, and Sour Patch, Kit Kat, Candycane, Lollipop, M&Ms, and Hershey...Haldir, we really need to get rid of them." She began cleaning up.

Haldir was absolutely horrified. "We can't!" He gasped. "They remind me too much of candy!"

"You _have _enough candy." Aragorn told him. "Too much."

"Excuse me? What about you and your peanut butter?" Haldir questioned him.

"Those things are unquestionable. You can't argue that they have to be rid of." Aragorn snorted.

"Why do you get to keep your peanut butter while I have to get rid of candy?" Haldir whined.

"Because," Aragorn poked him on his chest. "Candy is fattening for your little fat cheeks and behind."

"So is peanut butter. And soda." Haldir said.

"Soda _helps_ me sing." Aragorn said haughtily. "And peanut butter tastes like perfection."

Eomer came around the corner. "I'm _allergic _to peanut butter, great king of Gondor. So technically it's not perfection."

Aragorn grinned. "I'm not, so HA!"

Eomer rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue. "At least I'm not as obsessed as you are."

Chuckling, I went into the kitchen, and Shelob instantly sat me down at the table and plopped a few delicious smelling pancakes on my plate. Then she pushed a jar of maple syrup towards me. "Thanks." I said, and poured it all around.

I began eating, as other people talked to each other, reading the newspaper and eating their breakfast. Merry and Pippin, to my amusement, had a whole buffet to themselves, hungrily gobbling them all down promptly.

As we were enjoying the morning, the doorbell rang.

I froze, and then looked up from my half-eaten plate, straight at Arwen, who was pouring tea for herself casually. "They're here!" I said in a slightly higher-pitched voice than usual. "My parents! And brother!"

"Well, don't sit there, get the door!" Arwen told me, smiling at my panic. "Don't worry, they can't see us."

"Right." I said, and then went to the door. Praying to myself quietly, I yanked open the door and I found myself being swallowed up by my mom.

"Oomph!" I staggered back from the impact. "Hi Mom!"

"Oh, my little girl is already twenty-five!" Mom squealed. "And it just seemed that yesterday you were just a cute, adorable little toddler!"

She stepped back, gazing over me. "You've grown up so pretty too!"

I saw the other LoTR characters gather around, a safe distance away, enjoying their new entertainment. "Mom," I told her, a bit embarrassed. "You know how I look. I last saw you just three months ago."

Mom laughed. "We brought presents!"

But, of course, being me, I was more concerned about the heating. "Come in, you're letting out all the heat!" I said, pushing them in. "It costs a lot, you know!"

My brother, Evan, and my parents both stepped inside and shrugged off their jackets.

"Oh, you just don't change, Dra." Evan grinned. "You'll _always_be the smaller one. Squirt."

"Sure." I huffed. "And who screamed like a little girl on that rollercoaster last year?"

"You were screaming too." Evan pointed out.

"Not as high-pitched as you. It sounds like you haven't even hit puberty yet, except you did."

My brother chuckled. "I still remember my voice kept cracking when I was in middle school and high school."

I smiled, thinking back fondly to those good 'ol memories. "Evan's voice-cracking…"

I followed my parents to the kitchen table, where Shelob was busy shrinking away into the living room, despite her large size. The dishes were cleaned and tucked away in the cabinet, surprisingly, and there were no plates on the table as well, except for mine.

"Look what I brought!" My mom said happily as she lifted a cake - homemade - out of a shopping bag and onto the table. I stared at its rich, creamy frosting and layers of deliciousness. There were sliced fruit on it, of strawberries, kiwi, oranges, you name it. Ah, Mom, the vegetarian.

I saw Pippin gaze at it in wonder and reached out a hungry hand to taste it, but I slapped it away automatically.

"What did you do that for?" Evan asked me.

"What?" I looked up, cringing at my instinctive mistake. "Did what?"

"You sort of jerked your hand." He mimicked me slapping in midair.

I saw Gandalf drag Pippin away from the kitchen by his ear behind Evan, which was quite a funny scene as Pippin was flailing his arms like a mad duck while Merry was busy cracking up on the couch.

"Oh..." I said, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice, and trying hard not to laugh. _Pippin, it's your fault..._"Uh...I don't know, reflexes?"

Evan smiled at my awkwardness.

Dad lit the candles, twenty five of them, and Mom had everyone sing the Happy Birthday song. Well, it was more like forced. Everyone else from LoTR also sang, and it was a cheerful scene. Even Shelob sang with her croaking.

After that, we enjoyed the cake together. Although it certainly wasn't as good as Shelob's cake, it was still pretty good and I recognized some of Mom's special ingredients that made her food taste spectacular. I would have to tell Shelob them. We talked about what we did in the past three months we haven't been together and just talked about nothing in particular after we ran out of things to say. It was a happy time together.

"Presents!" Mom said cheerfully. She just was too happy today. Maybe today was her happy day...hmmm...

She gave me my grandma's, first, which was a red woolen scarf to keep warm over the winter. Next was my mom's, which was a pretty glass sculpture of a unicorn and a bird. I saw Gandalf and Saruman lean over my shoulder, inspecting the carving. "Not bad." They observed. "But it's store-bought, so it doesn't count much."

My dad gave me a new iPod, which Elladan and Elrohir were uncontrollably mooning over, as they like electronics a lot.

Evan gave me a necklace with my birthstone, the topaz, which was a lovely golden tear-drop shaped gem. "How much did it cost?" I questioned him. He shrugged. "Eh, I can afford it."

I stared at him. "Why a necklace, though? I mean, I like it."

"Don't girls like those kinds of things? Y'know, necklaces, bracelets, make-up, clothes? Fashion?" He blinked.

Did he forget that I wasn't that kind of person? Oh well, it was a very nice present.

"Ooooh..." Gollum crooned, looking at the new necklace I got from Evan.

"Gollum, stop drooling over the necklace." Sam snorted, shaking his head at Gollum's antics, although he wasn't drooling at all.

"Ahhhh..."

I got a few books, more clothes, some nice cards, a new iTunes gift card, and a bunch more stuff from my relatives and friends. Plus I got mail from my long-distance relatives and friends, which was neat too.

"La, la, la..."

"Okay, Smeagol, that's enough." Frodo told Gollum, who snorted and rolled his eyes.

After the presents, my parents had to go back to work, although it was a Sunday. They wished that they could stay with me longer, but they couldn't. Evan, though, decided to leave to, because he had some "girlfriends" to attend to.

I lightly smacked him on the shoulder. "Have fun with your lady friends." I taunted him playfully.

Evan laughed. "I have one, not several of them. And she's a perfectly good girl."

"And what are you, for deciding to leave after spending two hours with me on the day after my twenty-fifth birthday?" I asked him.

"Not…a bad boy." Evan decided, flushing slightly at the awkward choice of words. I chuckled.

"Stay safe!" My mom called.

"Don't ride with drunken people!"

"Don't drink!"

"No gambling, Dra!"

"And happy birthday! I'll see you when I can!"

"Bye!" I called to them as they left the driveway and out of the neighborhood, the cars indeed hidden away by Gandalf's magic.

I closed the door, due to the heat loss and breathed out a sigh of relief. It was a good thing that nobody gave themselves away, except for Pippin, or else my parents and Evan would think I had a mental breakdown or hallucinating. That…would definitely not be good for overprotective parents and a very watchful brother.

"See?" Eowyn told me as I sat down on the couch, breathing deep. "That wasn't half-bad, was it?"

I shook my head. "No. Except for Pippin."

"Oh yes!" Gandalf appeared, smoking on his pipe cheerfully. "That pesky hobbit is currently washing the warg puppies, and you know just how hyper they can be."

Just then, Arwen came, her demeanor suddenly happy and high-spirited. She seemed excited for something, but I didn't know what. But apparently everyone else knew, due to the worried glances they exchanged to each other.

"Thursday this week is going to be Thanksgiving!" She announced. "And I'm hosting a party!"

Glorfindel leaned towards Elrond, and whispered in his ear, "It seems that your daughter is coming down with a bad case of party hosting."

Elrond nodded seriously. "I know."

"Have you ever tended to it for the last 6000 years?"

"Of course." Elrond snorted. "I am her father! Of course I would try to fix her. And yet it seems to me, as a healer, that this case is extremely stubborn and possibly incurable."

Glorfindel looked up, presumably meaning to look up at the sky but instead looked at the ceiling. "Eru save Arwen and get rid of that party hosting fever."

"And I'm going to invite EVERYBODY!" Arwen squealed. Then she darted towards me, obviously delighted in her new plan. "Isn't this so exciting, Dra? You'll get to meet everyone you don't know!"

Glorfindel groaned. "Eru, you party pooper."

So it was set. There was to be a Thanksgiving party this Thursday, and everyone was to be invited. Legit _everyone _in Lord of the Rings. Meaning the Ringwraiths, the eagles, the fell beasts, the cave trolls from Moria, the orcs, the Uruk-hai, and more.

"God…" I muttered to myself. "That's…almost twenty more people…sixty people. My house most definitely is going to explode at sixty people."

"'Course it won't!" Elladan overheard my muttering with his sharp elven ears and comforted me friendly. "We can fit sixty people just fine. It's going to be outdoors anyways, since the weather forecasts say it's a sunny day."

"What if it's a rainy day?" Elrohir mused, contradicting his twin and like me, concerning over Arwen's new party. "Then we'd have to stay indoors…"

"Stop being such a pessimist, Elrohir." Elladan said brightly. "Look on the bright side!"

"There _is _no bright side if there's no sun!"

"Right now there is!" Elladan pointed out the window, and sure enough it was quite sunny outside. "So look on the bright side!"

Elrohir rolled his eyes.

"But anyways," Elladan continued. "Don't worry, Dra. How do you think forty people manage to share the house, eat, play or even sleep? But we manage."

"How _do _you sleep with forty people?" I asked him, curious.

"Well, we're all, more or less, divided into our family houses. Hobbits go with hobbits, Rohan goes with Rohan, Rivendell goes with Rivendell, Gondor goes with Gondor…and so forth. We switch every so often for whoever gets the bed or the couch or the floor. And some of us sleep in the living room couches. It's very warm, by the way."

I blinked, feeling slightly guilty about me having my own room to myself. "Someone could share with me." I said helpfully.

"No, that's quite alright." Galadriel approached me. "We are quite content in where we are."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh yes. Stop your fretting, child, and relax."

_Right, _I thought. _Stop my fretting, and…how do you relax? _

* * *

><p>Thanksgiving…was quite the party.<p>

Merry and Pippin had set up one of those giant inflatable play areas with hundreds of multi-colored balls and was already diving into it, playing with a very annoyed Gandalf who tried to zap them with his staff except he lost the staff under the sea of colored balls. I never knew I had one of those until now.

Or maybe I never had one before and they just got one today…

"ARGH!" He shouted, frustrated, wading around in the sea of balls and rummaging through frantically. "Fool of a Took!"

"It was Merry's idea." Pippin pointed out truthfully.

"Fool of a Brandybuck!"

"Who wants a brandy and a buck?" Merry's head popped out of the sea of balls. "Trust me, I don't have any money on me now…but I'd like a pint of beer. Do you have any?"

A few tables were set out on the patio, covered in a Thanksgiving themed table cloth and Eowyn, Arwen, Faramir and Thranduil helped Shelob bring out the food on the table. I could already smell the delicious smells. The warg puppies each had collar and leashes on them and were tied to a tree a good distance away from everybody, watched closely by Katie and Johnny. Harry, Shelob's mate, was finally outside and was also helping Shelob cook.

Just then, the doorbell rang.

"Uh-oh…" Haldir muttered.

"Cue the chaos!" Celeborn said enthusiastically.

"The guests! They're here!" Arwen practically giggled, and then shoved her plate into Aragorn's arms, who currently was busy gorging himself with as much soda as possible for his next singing performance.

Arwen ran to get the door, and was quickly followed by a happy shriek. "Jasper! I haven't seen you in like, so long!"

"Long meaning two weeks in Arwen's measure of time." Boromir said helpfully as I listened to her squealing.

"Who's Jasper again?" I asked.

"Remember, Jasper is our Mouth of Sauron. But don't worry; he looks nothing like from the New Line Cinema movies. Poor Jasper flipped out when he saw himself depicted as a monster. Shame on Jackson for scaring that poor soul." Boromir said thoughtfully.

"Ah." I said, trying to remember it. Then appeared what I supposed was Jasper. He didn't look bad at all, I have to admit. He was a nice-looking chap with deep brown hair and friendly brown eyes. Not pale and creepy. He smiled at me and began to strike up a conversation, and his teeth were perfectly white and straight, and no smelly breath.

The doorbell rang again, and then we had more guests. I was beginning to wonder if my backyard were to explode as well. Arwen ran to get the door, and I met the Witch-King crew. There were Joey, Timmy, Jeff, Terry, Greg, Charlie, Bob, Brendan, and Brian. Originally, not according to Tolkien, they were the "nerdy and wimpy" bunch. Always made the math team in high school and middle school. Always got excellent report cards and grades. Even made it to Harvard University.

Except they lacked the ferocity and darkness that Tolkien depicted them as. Joey, Timmy, Jeff, Terry, Greg, Charlie, Bob, Brendan, and Brian (here on out to be further known as the Witch-King crew) were tall, lanky, skinny, had glasses, and simple hair styles. They even had freckles. They were all very nice people and spoke with normal voices instead of hissing, hoarse voices like in the movies. And they didn't screech either, which was good.

And the next visitors didn't come by the door. In fact, they came by air…if you got that.

There was a loud screech in the air, very uncalled for. It was so sudden that I jumped a few feet off the ground, nearly colliding into Shelob who was straightening out the plates and balancing a huge, roasted, golden-brown turkey on a single leg. As far as I could tell, there were two giant, golden eagles circling around the backyard before landing gracefully on the ground, obviously not the tree branches as they would break them with their weight.

"Gwaihir!" Gandalf exclaimed, clambering out of the inflatable playground, his clothes and hair looking quite mussed. He also looked exhausted yet frustrated. "And Landroval! I haven't seen you in months!"

"At least Gandalf has his time right." Boromir said broodingly. "Unlike Arwen."

Arwen appeared at his side, swiftly, because of her sharp elven hearing. "I heard my name. Were you talking about me?"

"No." Boromir said solemnly.

The elf gave him a suspicious glance and pointed her pointer finger and middle finger at her eyes, and then to Boromir's two eyes, doing the I'm-WATCHING-you thing dramatically.

Boromir's eyes were cross-eyed by the time she walked away.

"Elves are scary." He breathed out quietly, and I suppressed a chuckle.

Gandalf literally dragged me over to meet Gwaihir, and his brother, Landroval. Both of them were magnificent, large golden eagles with intelligent golden eyes. They were actually rather fascinating, because of the stories that they told. I was so caught up in their stories that I didn't recognize how much time had flown by, and the dinner was starting to begin.

Hurrying back to the table, I selected one of the only open spots left – right near Aragorn, the wargs, the hobbits and Arwen. There were all sorts of food, traditional and specials – stuffing, gravy, mash potatoes, cranberry sauce, creamed corn, cornbread, pumpkin pie, rolls, green bean casserole, apple salad, and so much more, even with desserts and more hidden food in the kitchen that didn't fit on the table.

Oh, and you can't forget the turkey…or should I say…turkeys. Shelob didn't _only _make one turkey; she made three, suitable enough to the amount of people who came to the party. Trying the mashed potatoes, I was beginning to wonder what new chaos was to happen when it was Christmas.

"What can't it be Thanksgiving everyday?" Merry whined, while Pippin was more or less inhaling his food rather than eating it properly.

"Because," Sam answered, "You'll be as plump as a pig and Shelob might mistake you for a pig and we'll all eat you for Thanksgiving, that's why."

"Pigs don't have hairy feet." Merry pointed out.

"No, but you broke her glasses last year so it doesn't matter." Rosie said unhelpfully.

On the other side of the table, Aragorn was smearing peanut butter on everything he dumped on his plate. Or eating it with every bite.

"Why, exactly, are you so obsessed with peanut butter?" Theoden asked who was sitting next to him. "I've known you for so long, and still, I don't get it."

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "Peanut butter is THE best food in the WORLD."

"But you're eating it with every bite. Isn't that a little too much?"

"No." Aragorn said simply. "It's perfectly fine with me."

"Isn't it unhealthy?"

"Healthy for me, healthy for you, and if you can't handle it, then you're a loser." He said indifferently, and then jabbed his knife in the peanut butter jar and scooped up a big hunk of it.

Theoden's eyebrow began to twitch.

Arwen shook her head disapprovingly at her husband and rubbed her forehead, muttering something that sounded much like, "…Isildur's heir…peanut butter obsessions…"

Eowyn looked worriedly to her brother and began to scoot away from her uncle quickly.

Turning my attention to the hobbits, I watched on with amusement as Frodo, looking bored, reached across the table quietly and stole Aragorn's jar of peanut butter, right under the King of Gondor's nose, and then quickly dumped it into the warg puppies' plates, and they gobbled it all up. Except Aragorn didn't notice at all as he was in an argument with Theoden about the term "loser" and "Why you are a loser because you don't like peanut butter."

"Eomer is allergic to peanut butter!" Theoden said, frustrated.

"Then he's a loser!" Aragorn said cheerfully, a big smile on his face from ear to ear.

Aragorn reached for his peanut butter jar, but found that his hand reached emptiness. He looked down, dumbfounded at his loss. "Where's my peanut butter?"

Frodo sniggered.

Aragorn looked at Frodo, hearing his snigger. "Did you steal my peanut butter?" He asked threateningly.

"No." Frodo said naively, his blue eyes wide with innocence. "I think Pippin did."

"Sure, blame it on me." Pippin grumbled through a mouthful of food.

"Fool of a Took." Aragorn growled. "What did you do with my peanut butter?"

"What did I say?" Pippin spread his arms apart, looking up at the sky with a defying expression on his face.

"He snatched it away and fed it to the warg puppies." Frodo said brightly and pointed to the puppies, who were busy fighting and barking over who would get the biggest part of the turkey.

Aragorn growled. "Then I will have to go find more peanut butter." He stood up, and made his way back to the kitchen, but Frodo called after him, "There's no more peanut butter, if you wanted to know! We were going to go out to buy some more but we forgot."

Aragorn smacked his forehead. "Great!" He complained. "Just great. Life without peanut butter..." He shuddered at the thought.

"You always got soda!" Pippin offered, and then regretted his words deeply.

"Oh yeah!" Aragorn exclaimed, and then snatched up a soda from the cooler.

"Uh-oh..." Pippin said.

"UH-OH?" Merry exploded. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? We're about to face Aragorn singing! And you know how horrible his singing is!"

But it was too late. Aragorn had already opened his can of soda and was gargling it in his mouth. Arwen rolled her eyes and looked away, not wanting to see - or hear what was going to happen next.

"I'M SINGING!" Aragorn sang loudly. The whole table stopped their talking and stared at Aragorn, who had stood up from his chair. Even the warg puppies stopped their barking and turned to stare at the King of Gondor before turning tail and hiding behind their parents, who eyed him suspiciously.

Jasper leaned towards Haldir. "What is the meaning of this new phenomenon?"

Haldir smirked, and patted his friend's shoulder comfortingly. "Nothing to worry about."

"LAAAAAAAAA DE DAAHHHHHHH!"

"Nothing to worry about?" Jasper questioned the elf.

"Um." Haldir began. "Well...you see..."

"HAPPY THANKSGIVING!"

Celeborn, was sitting next to Haldir, jestingly poked him. "What was that about 'nothing to worry about'?"

"Look - "

"I CAN SIIIIINNNNGGGG!" Aragorn sang.

The warg puppies began singing - well, howling - along with the King of Gondor. Arwen smacked her forehead. One of the Witch-King crew, Joey, who represented the Witch-King of Angmar, told her curiously, "I didn't know Aragorn was a singer."

Arwen shook her head weakly. "He...wasn't originally a singer...you know..."

"Yes, I know!" Joey said enthusiastically. "He was the King of Gondor, wasn't he? Such a good one."

Joey _obviously _didn't know that Aragorn was currently obsessed with peanut butter and soda and singing.

And Arwen wasn't going to tell him that in case Joey had a mental breakdown.

Which would be very hazardous to his health.

Not to mention _yours_.

But this Thanksgiving was pretty good, I must admit. Shelob cooked the best turkey ever, and after the dinner, we played games and finally, Gandalf found his staff in the inflatable playground and tried to zap Pippin and Merry, but it was legitimate epic fail.

As always.

* * *

><p>Yay!<p>

Once again, happy Halloween! Man, that was a tiny snowstorm up here in New England, but it caused so many down wires and fallen trees and power outages...plus, we have no school on Halloween! Cool. And probably no school on the day _after _Halloween.

Trick-or-treating, here I COME!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	9. The Snowball Battle of Helm's Deep

Aloha! No, I'm not inHawaii...though I'd like to be, because it's SO EFFING COLD!

Anyways, here's Chapter 9, like you've all been waiting for! Good times ensued in here. :D

Enjoy and review!

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 9:**

It was a quiet day on our lovely month of December. Or so I thought.

I was at home, reading a book on the couch while everyone else went about their business. It's almost a month since I first met the LoTR characters and I was feeling fairly comfortable. No more surprises, I guess.

Yet Merry and Pippin, as usual, were on the laptop not near from me and giggling like girls to each other. They pointed to the screen and let out more bubbly giggles. It was pretty annoying, though I tried my best to ignore them.

But apparently Eomer couldn't.

He peeked over their shoulder. "What are you two hobbits giggling about?" He demanded.

Merry giggled. Again. "Nothing!" But it was very hard to believe them since they were close to peeing in their pants.

Eomer rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Suuure...give me the computer."

Pippin shook his head and pushed Eomer away. "No, it's too funny!"

"What's so funny?" Gimli came around the corner, and so did Legolas.

Merry and Pippin burst into a huge fit of giggles, which turned to guffaws.

Gimli leaned towards Eomer. "They sound like little girls." He whispered loudly.

"Pigs, you mean," Eomer snorted. "Little, squealing pigs."

Merry and Pippin both looked up again to see the elf and dwarf standing besides each other and cracked up once more.

Merry nearly fell out of his seat, and while Pippin tried to help him up, he couldn't because he was laughing so hard and accidentally shoved him to the ground again.

"Alright, _what is so funny_?" Eomer growled, and snatched the laptop away. He went to the corner of the room to view the screen, and after a few clicks he let out a bark of laughter.

Gimli and Legolas exchanged glances, and went to their friend.

"Gimme the computer!" Gimli tugged it away from Eomer and looked at the screen, with Legolas looking over his shoulder.

They both paled.

I grinned at their frightened and horrified expressions, and set down the book.

"What happened?" I asked them, and they just shook their heads.

"Seriously, what happened?" I asked again.

This time, Arwen and Eowyn strolled into the room, curious to see what the laughing was all about.

"What's going on?" Eowyn asked me. I shrugged. "I don't know. Check out the laptop - it's messing everyone up."

Arwen took the computer and after taking just one look at it, instead of raising her eyebrows, she muttered, "Sweet Eru, they've discovered fanfiction." She looked up. "Not only fanfiction, they've discovered slash stories. The twenty-first century has taken a turn for creepy."

Eowyn dove to her side and shoved her face in front of the screen, her long blonde hair blocking Arwen's entire vision. "Mmmph." Arwen mumbled. "Gah yauhr harh ouda mah fash."

Eowyn snorted, laughing hard. "Sorry, what did you say?"

Arwen pushed her aside. "I said, 'get your hair out of my face."

"Oh!" Eowyn giggled. "But it's just so funny! The story!"

She patted Gimli gleefully, who looked equivalent of a deer in headlights, just seen a ghost, nearly died, just saw a very disturbing image, and much more. But to make it shorter, he just looked plain terrified.

So did Legolas.

"Oh...Legolas and Gimli slash stories, I love 'em!" Eowyn chuckled.

Aragorn and Boromir and Galadriel walked into the room.

"I sense there is something disturbing in the air." She said, mildly concerned. "Or maybe it's just that Merry and Pippin are yet but a second away from relieving themselves in their pants."

Merry and Pippin raced to the bathroom, each fighting over who would get the better one. Finally, there were two slams of doors as they finally decided, and then the flush of the toilet, and then they came back to the room they were in before.

And resumed laughing.

"There is _definitely _something wrong here." Boromir said at once.

"Gee, are you sure?" Aragorn asked Boromir sarcastically. Then he walked over to the laptop.

Boromir knelt by Legolas, who was staring blankly into empty space with a look of fear on his elven face.

"Dude." He waved a hand in front of the elf's face, but he still didn't twitch a muscle. "Are you okay?"

Aragorn was about to read the screen when he looked up. "Check for a pulse."

"I doubt he still has one." Arwen remarked.

"No," Boromir said. "He has one. Hey Elrond!" He yelled suddenly.

"What?" The Rivendell elf entered the room. "What's going on?"

Aragorn doubled over and cracked up.

"I _told_ you he was a crazy king." Elrond said. "And look what you got for a husband."

Arwen rolled her eyes. "Please, Ada. Do you really think being a ranger, being obsessed with peanut butter, soda and singing prevents me from loving him?"

Aragorn began to wheeze, and clutched his stomach in evident pain that his ribs were nearly cracked from laughing so hard. Also, he almost choked on his saliva.

Arwen twiddled her thumbs awkwardly.

"Whatever." Boromir said. "You're a healer. What's going on with Legolas?"

"And Gimil!" Eowyn was still laughing, but she managed to speak two words with deep breaths. Eomer, on the other hand, lost his power of speech due to laughing and banging his fist on the ground. He was now laughing silently.

Elrond eyed the frozen dwarf and elf. "Severe shock." He replied. "Very severe."

"You're sure?" Boromir asked. "Not brain trauma or something? Brain cancer?"

"Nope." Elrond began walking away.

"What do we do with them now?" Boromir called after the elf.

"Nothing." Elrond said cheerfully. "Just wait for them to get over it. So in the meanwhile, eat as much as you can before Gimli can get to it."

"No, I don't think you'll need to." Arwen said, staring out the window.

"Why?" Boromir asked, loudly over the loud laughter.

"It's snowing."

"WHAT?" Merry and Pippin ceased their laughing abruptly and scrambled to the window. "IT'S SNOOOOWWWWWINNNGGG!" They squealed.

I also looked out the window, and saw that there was lots of snow already covering the ground. That was pretty fast actually…but then again, my world doesn't make anymore sense than when you have LoTR characters living with you.

Boromir glanced at Arwen. "It wasn't necessary to say that, was it?"

"At least we shut them up from laughing." Arwen pointed out.

Merry and Pippin did a high-five to each other and scrambling up the stairs, tripping on another to get to their heavy snow jackets and boots and snow pants. On the way to getting their supplies the noise was chaotically loud.

"Or not."

Later, everyone was outside in the snow. Since my house didn't exactly have a high hill, we decided to head for the park, where there were _lots _of tall hills. That is, except for Legolas and Gimli who were lying on their beds at home and still recovering themselves from shock.

Frodo and Sam and Rosie were making snow angels, while Merry and Pippin each made a complicated obstacle course, with snowmen, bumps, curves, bends and tall slopes. They would slide down the hill and crashed into the snowman, then wind their way down a series bends and curves at the speed of a rollercoaster, and then at the very end, there was a high slope and they would rocket right off of it, high into the air and try to land in a target area they made themselves.

Aragorn, Haldir, Theoden, Glorfindel, Eowyn, Eomer, and Gandalf made a giant fort and pretended to do a Helm's Deep sort of siege, with Boromir, Faramir, Wormtongue, Saruman, Gollum/Smeagol, Elladan, and Elrohir as the orcs and Uruk-hai. They used snowballs as their weapons.

"OH!" Eowyn crowed as she smacked Faramir full in the face with a snowball. "AHA I GOT YOU! PWNED! PWNED! PWNED, I TELL YOU!"

Faramir did not twitch a single muscle, but stared at her with a furious expression as snow dripped off his face in pieces.

Eowyn giggled. "Sorry, Faramir love!" She called over the fort wall.

Then Glorfindel called, "Eowyn, can you help me with these snowballs? My hands are gonna get frostbite."

"Sure!" As Eowyn's head was turned to help make more snowballs, Faramir scooped up more snow and molded it into a ball. Then Eowyn turned her head back and he got her in the face as well. She yelped and wiped the snow off her face, and with a look of defiance, she rolled up her sleeves and shouted, "OH IT IS SO **_ON!_**"

I can't even tell you how funny it was in an epic way.

Luckily the snow was soft and nobody got hurt, but Eowyn did a pretty good take-'em-down tackle as she leapt onto her husband, wrestling fiercely.

Haldir and Glorfindel decided to team up against Elladan and Elrohir so it was more or less like an elf-versus-elf fight with slippery ice and snow.

First off, Haldir was shrieking at the top of his lungs.

"It's so cold!" He screeched. "SNOW IS SO COLD!"

"What did you expect snow to be, hot as the sand on the beach?" Glorfindel asked him, watching him with great amusement as his friend danced around, clutching his snow jacket like his feet were on fire. "It's not my fault you got snow down your shirt."

"SNOW TOO COLD!"

Just then, Elladan scored another snowball hit on the back of Glorfindel's head, and the snow slid off except for some that escaped down his shirt as well.

The elf leaped into the air, yelping and yapping away about how cold snow was. So there you have it, Glorfindel _and _Haldir shrieking about how cold snow was.

"OH MY GOD! MY BUTTOCKS ARE GONNA FREEZE OFF! MY POOR BEHIND!"

Aragorn, who happened to be nearby but on their fort wall, doubled over in his laughter to see the two elves screaming about snow and fell off the wall, but he landed safely in the snow, rolling over and clutching his sides.

Gollum/Smeagol tried to nail Aragorn with a snowball but he tripped over Sam's body that was making snow angels.

"Hey!" Sam yelled. "You messed up my snow angel!"

"It doesn't really matter if he messed up your snow angel because you already made nineteen." Frodo told him.

"MY SNOW ANGEL!" Sam didn't seem to hear his friend.

"Oh boy." Frodo said, rubbing his forehead. "Again with the snow angels."

"_Nasty, fat hobbitses!" _Gollum spat rudely. "_Always getting in our way! Stupid hobbit!_"

"_No, no, he's a good hobbit!" _Smeagol told Gollum, or himself.

"_Fat hobbit!"_

"_Good hobbit!"_

"_Fat hobbit!"_

"_Good hobbit!"_

"_FAT HOBBIT!"_

"_GOOD HOBBIT!"_

"OH WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Sam shouted at Gollum/Smeagol, but they didn't notice him yelling. "YOU MESSED UP MY SNOW ANGEL!"

"_FAT HOBBIT!"_

"_GOOD HOBBIT!"_

And now it seemed that our perfect Helm's Deep/fort wall was in total chaotic disaster…

Until…

Eomer and Gandalf decided to show up!

"YAHHHH!" Eomer and Gandalf slid down the hill at top speed after stealing Merry's sled, straight towards the fort wall. "WHEEEEEEEE!"

"Huh?" Aragorn, Haldir, Theoden, Glorfindel, Eowyn, Faramir, Boromir, Wormtongue, Saruman, Gollum/Smeagol, Elladan, and Elrohir all looked up to see Eomer and Gandalf on a single sled charging at them.

"Uh-oh…"

"RUN!"

The opposing group fighting against Helm's Deep made a mad dash for it to dodge the wizard and Rohan heir but they failed.

"You can't run now!" Eomer hollered as the two of them both pulled out their own snowball gun, and began randomly nailing the enemies wherever they tried to run.

"YAY!" Aragorn, Haldir, Theoden, Glorfindel, and Eowyn cheered, applauding and laughing as Eomer and Gandalf whizzed past them, still shooting.

That is, until they crashed into their fort, forgetting how to break.

"NO!"

Aragorn ran forward, close to crying. He hugged his half-ruined fort in his sorrow. "It was such a beautiful wall! It reminded me of so much of Helm's Deep! My poor, poor wall!" Theoden patted him on the shoulder. "There, there, now, Aragorn." He comforted him.

Aragorn bawled.

"Look out belooooowww!"

There was a shout at the top of the hill, and Merry and Pippin were both teetering and tottering on the highest slope, apparently going to head in the direction of the Helm's Deep wall.

"Get out of the way!" Theoden shouted, and everyone stepped aside.

"Aragorn, move your fat butt!" Glorfindel bellowed, as Aragorn was still wailing over his precious wall.

Aragorn wailed louder.

"This should be funny." Eowyn remarked.

Then Merry and Pippin took off down the hill, speeding up as they reached the bottom. "NO HANDS!" They squealed in delight, and Aragorn heard them. The King of Gondor looked around, and screamed when he saw the two mischievous hobbits coming straight towards his wall.

Eowyn imitated the dramatic "Dun dun dun!", as Haldir said loudly as he watched, "Will our used-to-be stinky ranger and King save his own skin, or will he save his own fort that he so dearly cherishes?"

Aragorn chose to save his own fort. Clinging tightly to a big snowball chunk that fell off of the wall, he awaited his fate…

A/N: Drum roll, please.

Merry and Pippin crashed into the other side of the wall that wasn't damaged so much, and the entire fort gave way, and collapsed on the hobbits and Aragorn himself.

"Aragorn!" Glorfindel sounded more annoyed than concerned.

Eowyn, Gandalf and Eomer cracked up; their snorting and shrieks of laughter echoing throughout the entire park although no mortals could hear her.

"MY SNOW ANGELS!" Sam cried, flopping onto the snow and tried to hug the ruined snow angel, but that meant he had to hug the ground too. Frodo sniggered, but Rosie saw him and slapped him on the shoulder.

"_**FAT HOBBIT**!"_

"_**GOOD HOBBIT**!"_

"YES!" The hobbits' heads exploded out of the snow, and they high-fived each other. "Let's do that again!"

Aragorn poked his head out of the snow, uninjured. He sniffed. "Oh well. I guess…that was okay."

"Oh well?" Eowyn guffawed. "That…was…AMAZING! Oh, my ribs…"

Aragorn rolled his eyes, and stood up, brushing the snow off his jacket when some snow slid down his jacket.

"AIIII!"

* * *

><p>Sorry, this is a pretty short chapter compared to the others! But anyways, I hope you liked it!<p>

Don't forget to review! I love reviews, don't you? :D

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	10. 6,082,951 Dots

Wow! Got lots of reviews for the last chapter! I just got home from school and checked my email and I was blown away. Thanks to all that reviewed so far! It might not seem like a lot but I never thought I'd be this good…

I got feedback from a fellow reviewer asking me about Denethor...and I know he hasn't shown up yet, but I DO have plans for him in later chapters. It's just that I haven't got there, but promise, you'll see in maybe another chapter or so. Just can't say it yet. 'Kay? :D

Oh – and happy 25th birthday to Dra! Last Saturday (11/19) was her birthday…and celebrating it as I speak! I mean, type!

Enjoy and review!

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 10:**

"We're goin' skiing, we're goin' skiing, we're goin' skiing…"

Aragorn conducted the mini choir consisting of Elladan, Eowyn, Elrohir and Boromir while seated – well, stuffed, if you will – in the car of Boromir's. I was also squished in the back, trying to breathe and laugh at the same time.

"I bet you twenty dollars that Elladan will chicken out on the highest trail on the mountain once he starts, crash, and then land on his fat bottom and get snow down his back, and then scream like a little girl all the way home." Elrohir challenged Elladan, out of the entire Lord of the Rings characters. It was quite funny because Elrohir was the wimpiest elf and Elladan happened to be the most reckless.

"Yes, I'm sure that'll happen." Elladan said sarcastically. He held up his hand. "See?"

He wiggled his fingers in turn. "This little piggy went to buy peanut butter and soda, this little Gondor piggy stayed home and grew fat, this handsome piggy named Elladan the Great had roast beef, this little Rohan piggy princess had none. And this little piggy named Elrohir went "Wee, wee, wee" all the way home because he did the following – chicken out on the highest trail on the mountain once he started, crashed, and then – "

"Elladan the Great." Eowyn sniggered.

"I find that very offending." Boromir sniffed. "I do not stay home and grow fat."

"Of course you did." Eowyn told him. "Since we had no War of the Ring you mainly just sat on your bed, eating cake and such and counting the dots on the ceiling, and then you grew your pudgy cheeks. And of course you're mistaken, Elladan."

"About what?" He asked.

"About the roast beef. You never got the roast beef. Neither did I, so don't start bawling. Shelob can make plenty more if you ask."

"Then who got the roast beef?"

"Merry and Pippin. _Duh_."

"Wow, I wish I could do that." Aragorn mused. "Running kingly errands prevent you from counting dots…How many dots were there?"

Boromir shrugged, scrunching up his face and he tried to remember. "Hang on, lemme think…"

"I would never say 'wee, wee, wee' anytime!" Elrohir defended himself.

"Yes, and who shrieked and nearly peed in his pants when you first met Shelob as an elfling?" Elladan asked. "And who went straight up to that giant spider and shook hands with her?"

"That's different. I was an elfling!"

"As was I."

Elrohir blew a raspberry at Elladan.

"Speaking of which, I actually like going out to buy peanut butter and soda." Aragorn said brightly.

"And then you'll stay home and grow fat." Eowyn added.

"It only counts for Boromir." Aragorn said.

"You're a Gondor piggy too." She pointed out.

Rolling his eyes, he fumed and pouted while he drove.

Later, we got to our destination. It wasn't a regular Mortals' skiing place, but it was Lord of the Rings themed one. Meaning there were orcs, Uruk-hai, eagles, fell beasts, cave trolls, more giant spiders, soldiers, horses – now I'd like to see a HORSE ski – peasants, knights, villagers, hobbits, elves, dwarves, men, women, children, and so much more.

"Wow." I breathed out, my eyes roaming around the mountain and watching Lord of the Rings characters wind their way on skis or snowboards on the snowy trails. "That's…a lot of people." Somehow, forty people living in my house just didn't seem that much compared to this.

"Deagol!" I heard Gollum/Smeagol squeal in delight, and embraced a hobbit that looked a bit like him. "We misses you!"

There was the sound of barking as well.

"Who let the warg puppies come with us?" Eomer moaned.

Eowyn began casually walking away from her enraged brother, whistling.

We got our snow boots and skis and helmets, and then decided to ride the ski lift all the way to the top. Everyone knew how to ski, so it was fine.

That is, except for Elrohir.

"I don't know how to ski!" He wailed. "I'M GONNA DIE!"

"I can ski." Elladan said haughtily. "Sucks for you!"

"I'll show you." I offered, inwardly rolling my eyes at Elladan's child-like behavior. He was sometimes like that. Turns out being an elf doesn't mean you have a perfect personality. "I know how to ski, so I can help."

"Ha!" Elrohir stuck his tongue out at his twin. "See, Dra's a fat lot nicer – "

Just then, Elrohir stepped forward and his foot met some unsuspecting ice, and then with a yelp, he slipped and fell on his butt with elvish grace.

Elladan roared with laughter.

"OWWW THAT HURTS!" Elrohir wailed loudly. It sounded like the two of them were competing on how loud that could either laugh or wail. Everyone turned to stare at them. Even the skiers on the top of the mountain were squinting down in the distance. "MY BUTT HURTS!"

A random orc who was near Elrond and Arwen whispered, "Are those two elves your twin sons, Elrond?"

"No." Elrond said, glowering at his sons and feeling embarrassed, "I don't know who they are."

"I don't know them either." Arwen added.

The orc looked confused. "Are you sure? I heard of your twins and they looked like they would be – "

"You must be mistaken. They're hobos." Arwen cut in.

"Oh. Okay." The orc shrugged, and then walked away.

After they were out of earshot from the orc, Elrond turned to Arwen and demanded, "Hobos? Is that they best you can think of? They're more than hobos! They're…they're…"

"Complete mental nut-heads. They could compete with the movie Denethor and most likely win." Arwen said truthfully.

"Exactly."

* * *

><p>I can tell you at least one thing about riding the ski lift with Elrohir, Aragorn, and GollumSmeagol – don't try it.

Funny as it was, I was considering just jumping off the ski lift to get away from them.

But alas…I must teach Elrohir how to ski.

First off, Elrohir was scared to death about falling. Frankly, he was scared to death about everything. He was a claustrophobe, which made life better for the four of us squished together in a seat since there weren't enough ski lifts to go around. Elrohir dragged me to there despite his fears – said something about "showing Elrohir what he's made of" - and Aragorn and Gollum wanted to tag along.

Second, Aragorn bought about fifty cans of soda from the vending machine and peanut butter ice cream and is now singing his butt off like he's in American Idol or something about peanut butter and how good it tastes. I think he must've taken the entire stock because from the high view from up here I can see a Coke-Cola truck driving in now.

Third, Gollum/Smeagol are arguing at themselves because one of the, Gollum or Smeagol had dropped their iTouch somewhere down below and screaming at Aragorn to shut up. Plus, there must be something wrong with the Gollum's butt because he can't sit still for a fraction of a second. I'm not kidding – he just won't sit. So he's climbing all over us, with Aragorn frantically shielding his coke and peanut butter ice cream, whacking the air with his ski poles and Elrohir squealing about being claustrophobic and all that insanity.

Fourth, I'm feeling like I'm going to suffocate, I'm going to go deaf, I'm going to die because Aragorn's going hysterical about protecting his so-called "precious", and I'm going to be stomped to death by Gollum's ever-persistent climbing.

Help.

"AGHH – get away from my soda!" Aragorn bellowed.

"!" Elrohir screamed. "I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!"

"_Nasty fat humanses and elfses_!" Gollum spat. "_I wants my iTouch back_!"

"_We, you mean_." Smeagol told himself. "_WE wants our iTouch back._"

"_We?_" Gollum asked incredulously. "_We? You dropped it in the first place! Fat lot of good you did_!"

"You guys!" I yelled. "Stop it!"

They didn't stop.

Rolling my eyes, I pinched the bridge of my nose to calm myself. Gollum was currently climbing on me, and I pushed him off towards Aragorn, who shrieked. Ranger of the North, leader of the Fellowship after Gandalf, lover of Arwen, excellent swordsman, a great healer, father of all kings, heir of Isildur, King of Gondor – now batting away feebly at Gollum's prying hands, hugging his peanut butter ice cream and soda, and squealing like a girl.

And he's sitting right next to me! Gee golly, I must be the luckiest girl in the world.

I scanned the mountainside. We weren't that far up the slopes, and I figured since this was Elrohir's first time, we shouldn't go too high. "Elrohir!" I grabbed his hand. He was still screeching. "ELROHIR!"

"Yeah?"

A little dumbfounded by the sudden transition of screaming to looking curious, I then said, "We are going to start skiing now. Since we're near the unloading area, I want you to get ready. I'm sure Aragorn knows what to do and so does Gollum, but you don't, so listen closely. Slide forward in your seat a little…yeah…point your skis upward, just the tips…"

I gave him a mini lesson on how to get off the ski lift, which was quite the intimidating process for him. But we did get off anyways, with Gollum and Aragorn still wrestling.

Elrohir still screamed when he got off.

"See?" I asked him. "You did it. Good job."

"That…was…so…" Elrohir panted, fear still written on his face.

"Exciting?" I offered. "Scary? Fun? Challenging?"

"Like you need to go to the bathroom?" A skier skated out from behind us, and by the voice I could tell it was Elladan.

"Yeah." Elrohir said. He obviously didn't notice that the skier was his brother, strangely. "Like that."

I inwardly rolled my eyes. "Okay, fine then Elladan. Did you chicken out on the highest mountain trail yet?"

Another skier, with blonde hair that I recognized to be Legolas, also skated down from behind us and stopped. Legolas had recently recovered from his fanfiction slash trauma, but he still avoids Gimli at all costs. And whenever we say the word "Gimli" or "slash" or "Fanfiction" or "Legolas and Gimli", he practically shrieks and hides under his bed. Merry and Pippin had come up several of times to either dwarf or elf, scaring the heck out of them when they repeatedly shout those "bad" words to them at the most random days.

"Oh yes he did." He said with a delighted grin, like he had just celebrated his birthday on Christmas day and earned twice as more presents than he would've gotten for a single holiday. "Wouldn't come off the ski lift! I had to push him off! Can't you believe it?"

"That's a lie! I never did such thing." Elladan said snottily.

"I'm sure you didn't." Legolas said sarcastically.

Snorting, Elladan left us, followed by Legolas who promised us to be person who keeps track of whatever Elladan does.

"See?" I nudged Elrohir. "You can do it. Elladan's not that great."

I slowly taught him to ease himself down the slopes, and after a good thirty minutes of screaming, shrieking, screeching, hollering, shouting, yelping, flailing arms and limbs, tree-hugging so he wouldn't have to keep going, and so much more that I could name, but it would take me at least eighty years to finish, Elrohir finally relaxed and could slide down the hills for at least five minutes before stopping and doing a whole another screaming, shrieking, screeching, hollering, etc. round.

I could see Elladan waiting at the bottom, a smirk on his face.

"You want to race Elladan now?" I asked Elrohir.

"Yes!" He shouted triumphantly, throwing his fists in the air, which made me glad at his immediate answer.

"No." He revised his answer, frowning, lowering his arms.

"Maybe."

"I'm not sure." He shrugged.

I blew some of the hair that had fallen out of my ponytail out of my face. "Look, try it. If you lose, that's fine. If you win, great. Just give it a go."

I gave him a slight push, and he began sliding down the hill very slowly. "Uh-oh…" He said fearfully. I never pushed him before, only let him slide down before letting go, so he was fairly new to it.

"It's the same thing when I let go of you!" I shouted, half annoyed.

"Hi brother!" Elladan waved and patted him on the shoulder, making him slide down even faster to his fright. "You wanna race now? You're on!"

I rubbed my forehead. Oh, yes, Elrohir was now going to flip out in five…four…three…two…one…

"AHHHHHH!" Elrohir finally reached the edge of a rounded slope, making him fly off in midair and he disappeared over the edge, to my vision.

I quickly skied ahead and to my relief he was still okay. Looks like he's handling it fine…ouch, he just smashed into Arwen who was making out with Aragorn, who was also clutching his sodas in his arms. Strange sight to see.

"ELROHIR!"

"Sorry, sorry, my bad!"

Chuckling, I skied on.

Elrohir was making a wild dash for Elladan, who was skiing contentedly and slowly with Legolas watching his every move. As Elrohir whizzed past Elladan, he hollered, "HI ELLADAAANN!"

Elladan looked up to receive a face full of snow.

"Ha!" Elrohir whooped. "That's for making fun of me!"

Elladan wiped the snow off to receive another one rocketing straight for his belly.

"That's for making me the piggy that went 'Wee, wee, wee'!"

And there was one final snowball aimed for Elladan's stomach, but it accidentally went a little below his stomach.

"Ouch." Legolas winced. "That's got to hurt.

"AND THAT'S FOR GOOD MEASURE!"

"ARGH!" Elladan shouted in his frustration, and thus began our tournament.

The two of them were racing neck-to-neck for the most of the game, plowing through various orcs and moody Rohan Riders who waved their fists angrily at them.

And anyways, Arwen and Aragorn had decided to find another location to resume their kissing session. But as Elladan and Elrohir were racing down the snowy slopes, they just happened to find Aragorn making out with their younger sister.

"OI!" They roared. "NOT IN PUBLIC!"

No, they weren't concerned that Arwen and Aragorn were practically glued to each other. No, they weren't concerned that it was rather disgusting to see. No, they weren't concerned that you couldn't tell whose hair – rather, face - was whose.

But yes, they were quite concerned that they were in public when everyone knew that Elladan and Elrohir were the brothers of Arwen and would most likely tease them for Arwen and Aragorn.

Elladan, who was the more protective one of Arwen, didn't think twice before literally flying down to the couple and crashing into them.

"**ELLADAN!**" Arwen's voice could be heard half-way across the world toAustralia, where some birds rapidly flew off a tree and into the sky.

"Um, sorry?" Elladan tried meekly.

Without hesitation, Elrohir skied hurriedly down the rest of the mountainside and finally made it to the end, and the race ended.

And Elladan LOST.

"OH!" Elrohir kept crowing at the top of his lungs on the way home. "I BEAT YOU! I BEAT YOU! I BEAT YOU! DON'T DENY IT – I BEAT YOU! **I WON!**"

Elladan fumed to himself in the "corner of shame" which was pretty much the trunk of the car.

Elrohir leaned over the car seats to Elladan. "Hey, guess what?"

"What?" Elladan said, annoyed.

"I WON! So that means I get the roast beef! And you go 'Wee, wee, wee' all the way home! I told you! I told you you'd lose! But did ya listen? Noooo you said that you were Elladan the Great or whatever! You chickened out on the highest slope according to Legolas and then you crashed into Arwen and Aragorn's making out session!"

"You're still paying." Arwen called from the front. "Don't think that I would forget."

"You and Aragorn had a _making out session_?" Elrond questioned Arwen.

"Yep. You got a problem with that?"

"In public?"

"Mm-hmm."

Boromir leaned towards me. "Now I see where Elladan and Elrohir got the public issue from."

"And you did land on your fat butt!" Elrohir kept hollering.

"Because I punched him in the face." Arwen said indifferently.

"And then you got snow down your jacket! And you shrieked like a little girl!"

"I didn't do it all the way home." Elladan shot back.

"Who cares? You did most of 'em anyways, so THERE!"

"Will you guys just shut up back there?" Aragorn yelled. "I'm trying to drive!"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR DRIVING!" Elrohir shouted.

"IF I CRASH IT'LL BE YOUR FAULT AND IF OUR STUPID INSURANCE SAYS THAT THEY AREN'T COVERING OUR DAMAGE LIKE THEY ALWAYS DO YOU'RE PAYING!"

"I DON'T CARE!"

"Honey, Harry can pay – " Arwen assured Aragorn, but was interrupted again.

"GOLLUM HAS ALREADY ANNOYED ME EIGHTY TIMES TODAY – "

"BECAUSE HE STOLE YOUR SODA AND PEANUT BUTTER – GOOD RIDDANCE – "

"OH, DON'T YOU GOOD RIDDANCE MY SODA – "

"YOU'LL TURN INTO A FAT, BLUBBERY – "

"YOU'RE FATTER – "

"YOU'RE THE FATTEST – "

"I've got it!" Boromir said triumphantly, and everybody went quiet, staring at him.

"Got what?" I asked.

"How many dots there are on the ceiling! Since there was no War of the Ring, I _did _stay home and count the dots on the ceiling! Six million, eighty two thousand and nine hundred fifty one!"

* * *

><p>Wow. 6, 082, 951 dots is a lot…<p>

Okay, well, hope you found this chapter funny! I'm losing my funny inspiration so it's getting harder to get a good joke out of these LoTR peeps…

Don't forget to review!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	11. Uncle Pig FiddleDrat the LXXVII

Enjoy and review! :D

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 11:**

Now that I think about, I vaguely remember Elladan and Elrohir telling me something about Shelob having another litter of spiders coming up on my birthday.

But did I take them seriously?

Nope.

Why should I?

But figures – they were speaking the truth.

Whoops. My bad.

And currently our Rivendell twin elves are panicking because they believe that the new litter will steal their computer and video games.

Aragorn's busy hiding his peanut butter and sodas somewhere, but it doesn't really matter because tiny spiders are the best at finding things, according to Arwen.

Haldir's also quite hysterical, demanding that he MUST find a hiding spot for his candy.

Eowyn, Arwen, Galadriel and Rosie are all knitting at top-speed to make as many little spider sweaters for the litter, which stuns me because I never knew that spiders would wear clothes.

And of course, Shelob and Harry are in the living room, all ready with a basket of spider eggs by their side, nice and warm with the fire going.

But anyways, everyone was in a chaotic frenzy.

And me? I guess I was…okay. All I really did was watching everyone hustle around, not knowing what to do because they would go, "Oh no, dear, I got that!" or "You don't have to do that!" or "Let me!"

But without Shelob cooking our meals, the hobbits (including Gollum and without Rosie) decided to team up and cook for us. Since Sam could cook since the period of the War of the Ring, Frodo and Bilbo were very helpful, and Merry, Pippin and Gollum were the taste-testers, it was fine.

Except Aragorn kept poking in and out whenever the hobbits weren't looking and tried to scoop peanut butter into the soup or frying pan, but Gollum usually noticed and would attack him with a frying pan with the hobbits rooting for Gollum.

"What are we going to name them?" I asked Eomer and Gimli, who were easily the laziest people in our motley characters. Eowyn, Arwen, Galadriel and Rosie were in their chairs and knitting with nimble fingers only a few feet away from us, so they were tuned into our discussions too. Shelob and Harry were near as well.

"I don't know." Eomer shrugged. "Just don't let Haldir name them anything candy-related like the wargs."

"WHAT?" Haldir poked his head in the room. "I heard my name and something about candy."

"None of your business." Gimli said.

"Anything with candy is my business." Haldir said snottily. "So spit it out."

"How about you spit out your candy and start talking properly?" Arwen said without looking up, focusing on a pretty light blue woolen sweater.

Haldir rolled his eyes and pranced upstairs, his arms full of candy.

"Prissy elf." Arwen muttered. Then she set down her sweater, frowning. "I need more wool. Hey Galadriel, Rosie? You know where you put the wool?"

"Yeah, just come with me." Galadriel said. The two elves got up. "But I think the wool is on the very bottom of the shelf and all the way inside. Rosie, do you mind helping us? You're the smallest, so…"

The three of them headed upstairs.

Besides me, Shelob began to whine. Harry glanced at her, looking slightly worried.

"Care to explain why Shelob's whining now?" Eowyn asked.

"No." Gimli said. "Why?"

"Because it's beginning to get really loud."

It was true. For some no good reason, Shelob was whining louder with every huge breath she could inhale, with Harry looking very concerned for the welfare of his mate.

A single egg began to crack, but no one noticed…

"Does it mean anything?" Eomer asked cautiously.

"Do I look like a spider doctor to you?" Eowyn asked. "Of course not. But it shouldn't be too hard, seeing that spiders lay eggs like birds. Let's just hope that it'll be as easy as raising chickens. Watch them go sqwak sqwak all day."

Shelob let out the loudest wail yet.

And I'm not too sure what happened yet, but I know it consisted of me and Eowyn working hard to help Shelob and the spiders, Harry anxiously anticipating his new litter of tiny spiders, Eomer shrieking his head off about "SPIDERS!", Gimli squealing like a little girl because apparently the dwarf has arachnophobia – and I'm not just saying that he is, he SERIOUSLY was squealing – and Arwen, Galadriel and Rosie scrambling downstairs, and now everyone else in the house is starting to scream and hide their things even more, especially Haldir, Aragorn, Elladan, and Elrohir.

But one thing for sure – we had seven new…baby spiders.

Oh, what a world, what a world…

Eomer mimicked a fanfare.

"They are _so _cute!" Eowyn, Arwen, Galadriel and Rosie were all drooling over the spiders, clutching one in each of their arms. Shelob had the other four and the rest of the LoTR characters were backing away, very far.

I think Gimli is in his room, hiding under his bed, with the door locked and bolted and furniture pushed up against it.

"What should we name them?" Arwen asked excitedly.

Rosie and Galadriel gave their spiders to Elladan and Elrohir who both squealed, and then the elf and hobbit both dove at Haldir, pining him down to the ground with flailing arms and limbs, and covering his mouth so he wouldn't say anything candy-related.

"So that's taken care of." Arwen said dismissively. "But we really need to name them something decent. Nothing stupid."

Everyone exchanged glances. They all loved annoying Arwen, no matter the cost.

Eowyn moved first. Holding her black spider in the air with the look of adoration on her face, she announced, "Aunt Ooofils!"

That was set. The spider was officially named….Aunt Ooofils, in memory of her dog from Rohan.

"Eowyn! What did I just say?" Arwen asked exasperatedly. "Oh well, it's only one of the spiders – "

"Pepperspray." Elladan said helpfully, naming his spider.

"Elladan! How about Junior?" Arwen said, and her spider was named Junior.

"Junior's a stupid name!" Elrohir said. "Miss Silky Tolkien." He said fondly. "Memory of the guy who made us famous."

"Alright! So we have Miss Silky Tolkien, Junior, Pepperspray, and Aunt Ooofils. What else?" I asked.

Eomer piped up from hiding in the kitchen. "They look scary! Make one of them be named Scorn!" Another one was named.

"They'll be throwing a fit when we don't let them play with our video games and computers." Elladan and Elrohir mused. "At least one of them, anyways. Temper Tantrum's a nice name, so we can nickname that spider T.T."

"You're serious." Arwen said. "You're really serious, aren't you? What kind of name is T.T.?"

"It's **A** name, sis." Elrohir told her.

Arwen looked up at the sky. "At the very least let the last name be a decent one."

Everyone either sat or stood there, mulling over a good name. Finally, Pippin had a good name. Or you could call it a very strange name.

"I'VE GOT IT! UNCLE PIG FIDDLEDRAT THE LXXVII!"

"That is _by far_ – " Arwen began to scold him, but stopped. "Y'know what? Forget it. I need some coffee." She got up to go to the kitchen.

"I was thinking of Bugs Bunny or Dora but I guess that works too." Merry commented.

"No, Merry." Pippin told him. "Don't ever name a spider Dora. It'll influence the poor thing – I mean, the banana tree's right in front of her and she calls herself an explorer?"

* * *

><p>Over the next few days before Christmas, life was fairly chaotic.<p>

Speaking of Christmas, I was helping Gandalf, Saruman, Aragorn, Arwen, Haldir and Eomer wrap presents and while others were making finishing touches to the outdoor decoration and Christmas tree, since most of us forgot to put them up beforehand because of Shelob's new litter.

Except the new spiders kept bothering us.

"AII!" Eomer screamed as a spider approached him. He leapt up on a chair like there were mice everywhere. "SPIDER!"

"His name is Pepperspray." Aragorn told him. "Not 'Spider'."

"I'll pepper-spray your butt!" Eomer snorted.

"That's very offensive." Aragorn blew raspberries at Eomer.

"I find spiders very offensive!" Eomer shot back.

Pepperspray leapt onto Eomer, who fell off the chair and onto the couch. "SPIDER! SPIDER! SPIDER! SPIDER! SPIDER!" He shrieked.

"That's not half-bad." Saruman remarked, quite amused. "Eomer does not have arachnophobia, so imagine what Gimli would do."

"Where is Gimli anyways?" I asked, curling a red ribbon with scissors.

"In the closet. Spiders found him under the bed so he locked himself in the closet. They're too big to fit through the cracks." Gandalf told me.

Nodding, I decided to take a break and see how the others outside were going.

"Wow!" I did a double take on my house, which was now decorated beautifully. I never really decorated my house very well and was quite astonished at the LoTR's creativity.

"You like it?" Glorfindel asked me.

"Like?" I asked incredulously. "No, I don't like it. I LOVE it! It's amazing!"

"It'll be more amazing at night. Just wait and see."

I walked around, viewing their hard work and bombing them with dumbfounded praise.

But alas, I could only look so far when Eomer ran out of the house, screaming his head off about spiders with poor little Pepperspray clinging for his dear life onto him.

Everybody stopped and stared. Nobody moved. Nobody said anything. They just stared.

So basically it was just Eomer running around the house and screaming.

I leaned towards Glorfindel. "Let me guess – Merry and Pippin are filming this, right now."

He nodded. "Yep." And then he gestured towards the hobbits.

To my surprise, I was quite right. Merry and Pippin had whipped out a camera, cell phone, iTouch, iPad, and more and was filming, recording, and taking pictures all at the same time, while clutching their stomachs and cracking up in silence.

"I can bet you that they will be replaying this forever every Christmas when we watch movies together, and when we do finish replaying, it'll already be the twenty-eight century." Glorfindel said rather thoughtfully.

Just then, as Eomer was screaming and screeching, he accidentally tripped over a wire, yanking most of the lights off the roof and windows. Also, he crashed into Gollum/Sméagol's ladder. In frenzy, Gollum/Smeagol tried to balance the ladder but he ended up pulling more lights and also the Christmas wreaths off as the ladder fell, and fortunately he was unharmed.

"_Stupid human! Nasty, false, tricksey fat human!_" Gollum screeched.

Eowyn laughed and nearly doubled over on her ladder. "Fat Eomer!"

And of course, Eomer kept crashing into other ladders and soon everyone was on the ground with sore butts.

And then Arwen came outside, much to everyone's misfortune.

Rolling her eyes at the mess we created, she put her hands on her hips and looked at all of us sternly. Only Glorfindel and I were enjoying her epic temper tantrum that she threw, especially at Eomer.

"But it was Pepperspray's fault!" Eomer whined. "Not mine!"

"Pepperspray is still a baby, by spider reckoning!" Arwen snapped. "And spiders aren't that scary!"

"Pepperspray is!"

Aragorn appeared from the doorway. "Eomer said he would pepper-spray my butt." He tattletale to Arwen.

Eomer smacked his forehead. "Thank you Aragorn, you hopeless ranger."

You can tell what happened next.

Arwen throwing more temper tantrums, Pepperspray getting Eomer in trouble, Eomer whining, Aragorn getting to tattletale and everyone having to clean up the mess and redecorate.

Oh, and Eowyn's never going to let down "Fat Eomer!"

* * *

><p>Sorry guys, short chap again. It's basically a filler. But never fear! Y'know why?<p>

Because I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS! Tada! Christmas is most certainly coming in December and it's coming in the next chapter! (Sorry, that was a spoiler.) Since it's gonna be CHRISTMAS next chapter is most likely to be longer. And I'm getting into a holiday mood right now.

So get ready for Christmas!

Don't forget to review!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	12. Catching Santa Claus

Merry Christmas everyone! :D

What do you guys want for Christmas? I want an iPad, books, iTouch, Mac, cell phone, books, books, and more books, paint brushes, oil pastels, good drawing paper, books, clay, origami paper, ice cream, doughnuts, books, Smartboard (yes, a Smartboard in my bedroom, or at least give it to my social studies teacher because she always wanted one), white board with Expo markers if I can't get a Smartboard, books, calligraphy pens, my very own room so I don't have to share with my sister, books, a better Spanish to English Dictionary so I don't flunk Spanish class, books, Christmas lights and decorations to "out-shine" my neighbor (There's some sort of competition between my neighbors, seeing how many lights you can put up for Christmas), books…did I mention books?

And I am not kidding about that list. But most of the time I can get those things anytime I want. It's just my I-NEED-THIS-THINGMABOB wish list before I die, so don't take me as a spoiled kid. :D

Man, just thinking of Christmas makes me so EXCITED! Alright, so this chapter and the next are dedicated to one thing – CHRISTMAS. Chapter 12 will be on Christmas Eve and Chapter 13 is on Christmas Day, so lucky you! Just a reward for you peeps. So while you're opening presents, hopefully you'll enjoy these chapters! (That is, if you're not too engaged in your presents) I've been anticipating these two chapters…

Enjoy and review!

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 12:**

Today is Christmas Eve. It's the most obvious I can make out of this special holiday.

Hmm. Christmas? What does that mean, especially to my new friends?

Okay, well, giving presents, opening presents, having fun, eating good food, laughing, talking, celebrating, singing, playing, and more. That sounds right, right? I do it all the time.

But we're missing one thing, according to my friends.

Everyone was in the living room, for some reason, and I happened to be the only one who didn't know what the heck was going on, and how did everyone squeeze inside.

"What's going on?" I asked Haldir, who looked positively delighted.

"You'll see." He said. "Just watch."

So that's what I did, and I watched as Pippin clambered up on a stool, facing the excited looking crowd.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" He announced. "Tonight, we will be CATCHING SANTA CLAUS!"

Everyone cheered.

Well, except for me.

"What?" I said automatically. "Santa? What?"

"It's really nothing that hard. It's catching Santa Claus, and we haven't caught him since we started." Arwen told me. "Every year we try something different, but it always failed."

I blinked. "And…isn't Santa Claus…for kids…or something?"

"Nope!" Aragorn appeared besides me, so quickly that it startled me. "Nopeity nopeity no! Santa's always been real. We see him every year, but we can't catch him! But we plan to this year!"

I stared at my friends, slightly bewildered. Alright, I'm talking to these ancient-old people from Lord of the Rings, and God knows why they're still here and not in heaven or something. Plus, these people are mature adults/warriors/royalty. And they believe in SANTA?

Tolkien's way too good at lying.

"…Why?" I asked.

"Because apparently Santa hates me." Faramir said miserably. "He gives me bad stuff."

"And loves me!" Boromir added in cheerfully. "And gives me good stuff!"

"I am going to force peanut butter and soda out of him." Aragorn said brightly.

Everyone turned to stare at him.

"Never mind." He said.

"But basically we just want to catch Santa." Arwen said. "It's going to be so fun!"

"Um. Yeah." I agreed.

"Now we must start our preparations!" Pippin continued his speech. "We're going to divide everyone into teams, designated for different areas. Team A will have…"

So overall, everyone was split up with into three groups: Team A, Team B, and Team C. Pippin was in charge this year, which was a bit of a problem since Pippin was a known hobbit to mess up important things, so Arwen had to take over. The plan was so…epic and strategic.

Mmph. Must be LoTR warrior instincts.

Team A had me, Gandalf, Pippin, Legolas, Gimli, Gollum, Eowyn, Elrohir, and Glorfindel. We were located in the tree house next to the house.

Team B had Gimli, Faramir, Boromir, Frodo, Sam, Theoden, Aragorn, Haldir and Eomer. They were going to be in the attic with the one window on the roof.

Team C had Merry, Rosie, Elrond, Thranduil, Saruman, Arwen, Celeborn, Glorfindel and Galadriel. They were positioned in one of the rooms on the top floors.

Team D consisted of the spiders and wargs. I don't know why they decided to get the pets to join in the fight.

Team B was going to be the main catchers, since they were in the attic and had a better chance of catching Santa. Team A were the backup catchers if there were problems and also lookouts. Team C was the lookout for Santa and Team D would be waiting at the fireplace to get Santa.

This is what I mean by strategic.

But then again, it was a pretty good plan.

Short, simple and sweet.

Sort of.

* * *

><p>Everybody got their own walkie-talkies, flashlights, binoculars and whistle.<p>

This was a bit of a problem.

"Hi Merry!" Pippin whispered through his walkie-talkie. We were in the tree house right now, shivering insanely in the bitter cold wind and waiting for Santa Claus.

"Hi Pippin!"

"Hi Merry!"

"Hi Pippin!"

"Hi Merry!"

"Will you two shut up?" Gandalf hissed. "It's almostmidnight!"

Nobody spoke for a bit.

"Hi Pippin!"

"Hi Merry!"

Gandalf pinched the bridge of his nose, giving up.

"Pippin, Team C is SO MUCH better than yours! We are Team Cool!"

"That's stupid. Team A is TEAM AWESOME!"

With no sign of Santa anytime soon, everyone was getting pretty bored and doing other things in the meantime.

Gimli was hosting his little "Team Awesome Fellowship Club", for example. The members included himself, Gandalf, Legolas and Pippin. The Team Awesome Fellowship Club (TAFC) couldn't talk to anyone else who weren't originally in the Fellowship, which got the rest of the team very annoyed.

So the rest of the team, Gollum, Eowyn, Elrohir, and Glorfindel, decided to make their own club called "Team Awesome Other People Club" (TAOPC). Their mission was to try as hard as they can to make the TAFC open their mouths or at least annoy the heck out of them.

"Poke." Eowyn poked Gimli. She giggled.

"Poke." The rest of TAOPC began poking the TAFC, and said the word "poke" as they poked the TAFC. "Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke – "

Poke doesn't even sound like a word anymore.

"WILL YOU STOP POKING US?" TAFC shouted.

"…Poke."

Before the rest of TAFC could strangle TAOPC, we finally got something.

"Hey, I think I see something!" I heard Arwen exclaim excitedly from inside the house. "Look up, Team B and A. The red sleigh is sort of by the moon. Do you see it?"

"I see it!" Gimli yelped quietly, and clambered over Legolas to see the sleigh, resulting in lots of awkward positions, muffled yelling, and people almost falling out of the tree house.

There it was – a bright red sleigh, pulled by all the reindeer – Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Conner, and Blitzen - and what I guessed was Santa Claus on the sleigh, shouting "HO HO HO!"

It might've been a hallucination to me if I never met the LoTR characters to see Santa. But now? I really think I can believe it.

Santa landed on the roof with a dull, soft thud, the reindeer shaking their heads and breathing out faint mists of warm breath. Staring at them with growing amazement, it was a wonder how reindeer – like, actual REINDEER – were on…my roof. Santa was now clambering out of his seat and to the chimney.

I almost cracked up when I saw Team B get ready through an attic window. They eased open the attic window, and a reindeer noticed the movement. The reindeer made a noise, but Santa ignored him. Or her. Or whatever.

Santa plopped himself down the chimney, like the old stories said, and slowly slid downwards.

I really hoped nobody lit a fire in the fireplace.

That would be…extremely…

Let's not think about that.

It could've been a type of Mission Impossible mission for us. It was probably the extreme excitement I was feeling or maybe it was because Pippin was humming the theme song under his breath.

Then I heard a bark inside the house, followed by about ten other barks, and then barking all at once. There was a yelp of surprise and fear, and then it sounded like eighty gazillion china cups breaking.

The reindeer tried to take off, due to the loud banging and shouting and barking noises, but Team B had to keep them down or else.

My team, Team A, was already running towards the house with everyone whooping for joy because apparently we caught Santa, and inside, Team C, were visibly sprinting down the stairs.

* * *

><p><em>AN: Kids, don't try this at home._

_Possible side effects - many broken bones, bruises, cuts, broken silverware, setting off the alarms, neighbors dialing 911, police coming to your door, people falling off roofs, reindeer biting/kicking you, roofs with holes in them, fat people unable to get out of the chimney, people slipping on ice, broken vases, lamps, windows, statues, etc, a bad reputation in your friendly neighborhood, and lastly, your insurance company most likely will not cover for your damages. Why? Because they're stupid._

_Besides that, don't try it at home._

_Don't say I didn't give you a fair warning._

_I am not responsible for any damages or injuries__(See above)__if you choose to catch Santa Claus and force peanut butter, soda, or candy or whatever you want out of him. I'm writing for fun. Choice is yours, buddy. *shrugs*_

_Back to the story!_

* * *

><p>Back inside the house, Shelob, Harry, Katie, Johnny, Hershey, Peppermint, Skittles, Lollipops, Candycane, Sour Patch, M&amp;M, Kit Kat, Starburst, Aunt Oofils, Miss Silky Tolkien, Pepperspray, Junior, Scorn, T.T. and Uncle Pig Fiddledrat the LXXVII – phew, that was a mouthful – were all waiting for Santa, and it seemed to be that they attacked him. Nobody told them what to do, which probably was the biggest mistake, so Shelob had taken over. And…due to the fact that these spiders and wargs used to be very savage creatures that terrorized Middle-Earth, they decided to attack.<p>

Everyone was cheerful and happy, but we still had some work to do.

WHO WAS THE JOLLY, FAT, OLD MAN BEHIND THE BEARD?

Arwen decided to take off the beard – if it could, that is – and guess what?

IT CAME OFF!

Everyone became dead silent, and stared at the man who looked back at us, just as stunned as we were.

And that man was –

* * *

><p>Aw, too bad! I decided to cut this chapter off! *gasp* OH, THE SUSPENSE! Now you will never know!<p>

No, I'm just kidding. You'll find out tomorrow. Because technically today is Christmas Eve, and TOMORROW IS CHRISTMAS DAY! WHOOHOO! But really, who IS this man? Hmm…it's your job to guess now! You get extra presents for those who guess correctly!

I'm not sure if you want hints, though. It's a bit obvious – who hasn't shown up yet? Hints are sprinkled all over the chapter. I wouldn't be surprised if most of you got it. So…stay tuned! Hope you get your presents! AND WATCH OUT FOR SANTA!

And Merry Christmas, once again! :D

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	13. And Santa is

Merry Christmas!

Ah, happy times. Hope you didn't attempt what our favorite LoTR characters did last night. That…would've been highly dangerous and possibly a tragedy.

Anyways, what did Santa get for you guys? I (sadly) didn't get everything on my wishlist or else I'd probably be turning my pockets inside and out for money next time I buy something…but I did get some good stuff. Plenty of books to satisfy me until next Christmas. :D

So the votes are in – WHO IS THIS SANTA CLAUS? We know this dude really isn't Santa, he's just impersonating him. And this Santa is… (Look below) Yay to all who guessed correctly!

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 13: **

"PEANUT BUTTER!" Aragorn bellowed in sheer delight as he tore the wrapping paper off in frenzy. "PEANUT BUTTER!"

He held up a peanut butter jar in triumph.

Jiffy Peanut Butter, to be specific.

"Do you like it?" Arwen asked him. "I got them especially for you."

Well, truth be told, everybody got peanut butter or soda for Aragorn.

"D-do I _like_ it?" Aragorn sputtered. "What do you expect, only _like_? I LOVE IT!"

Behind him, Haldir waltzed happily with his candy, and Elladan and Elrohir were already on level four on their new video games, eyes glued to the screen and nimble elf fingers dancing over the remotes.

Shelob, Harry, and all their kids were in the kitchen, cooking, and the little spiders were also wearing cute, woolen sweaters made for them on Christmas. Pink sweaters with little blue and orange flowers were for the girls, and blue sweaters with red and green balloons were for the boy spiders. Also, on the back of each sweater were the names of each spider so we wouldn't forget their names.

Oh, and Merry and Pippin were eating up our refrigerator. There goes a few hundred dollars of groceries for fifty people _doooown_ the drain…

Everyone had gotten something that they wanted. Aragorn wanted peanut butter or soda, Bilbo wanted books, Haldir got his candy, Wormtongue got more soap for bubble baths, Elladan and Elrohir got their Xbox, Wii, Nintendo DS and computer games, Merry and Pippin got their food, Legolas and Gimli were up on another match of drinking (again), and so on. It was definitely the most joyous holiday I ever had in my house.

Even I got my fair share of presents – and fair share meaning about fifty presents including my relatives' presents.

WHICH WAS TOTALLY _AWESOME_.

"Go on like that," Elrond told Arwen sternly as my face lit up, pulling out a brand new iTouch, "And you'll spoil Dra senseless."

"So what?" Arwen asked. "You did that all the time to me."

"Yeah – well – you – " Elrond tried to make a point, but failed.

"So the thing is that you shouldn't tell me what to do if you did it yourself. HA!"

Elladan leaned over to his twin. "Ooh, Dad just got _dissed_."

As the twins' backs were turned, Elrond promptly whacked them upside the head with a book.

I'll never be bored again.

I went into the kitchen, where I found that indeed, Merry and Pippin were eating up the refrigerator. By them were a very pleased Faramir and a very downcast Boromir.

And you know who they were talking to? Santa! – Not dressed up.

If you got it right, you shouldn't be surprised if you saw Denethor.

Well, who knew? That old, gray-haired, wrinkly Steward from Gondor turned out to be jolly, fat 'ol Santa…don't tell him I called him fat.

And apparently Tolkien got mixed up…again.

It wasn't Faramir that Denethor hated.

IT WAS BOROMIR!

The story really was that somehow Tolkien wrote it the other way around, since he found a letter from Denethor to Galadriel about how much he hated Boromir but liked Faramir, and since Denethor's handwriting is unfathomably beautiful yet so hard to decipher, Tolkien mistook the word "Boromir" for "Faramir" and wrote his story the other way around.

And when Denethor became Santa, he always hand-wrote the names on the Christmas presents with even more pizzazz and style, so even Faramir and Boromir got their presents mixed up – Boromir got the good present, Faramir got the bad present.

After Denethor "died" in Gondor, the resulting chain events were almost like Scrooge from Charles Dickens' _A Christmas Carol_. Denethor decided to become Santa, after Saint Nick was invented, and flew around the world giving presents to everyone. After all, he was pretty old and could impersonate Santa. Well, not the fat part. Denethor stuffs pillows around him because he gets very cold sometimes, not because he's got a blubbery…stomach…okay, that was a bit disgusting for mental images…

"Thanks Dad, for all the presents!" Faramir exclaimed excitedly.

Then he turned to Boromir gleefully. "Now I get all your video games, computers, TVs, iPods, iPads, toys, books, and movies! And you get my pile of rubbish – Oh, 6000 years of horrible Christmas presents just turned to AWESOMENESS!"

Boromir stuck up his nose and turned away, pouting in his "corner of shame", which was really the corner of the kitchen. Except there was a proven fact that he was hogging up most of the cooking area so Shelob and the spider kids kicked him out to the living room, so that was settled.

In the other part of the kitchen, like I said, Merry and Pippin were practically ordering Shelob around.

Feeling a tad bit hungry, I asked for a good bowl of mac and cheese, potato salad and some lemonade.

But of course, that warm meal is easily inferior to the ever-growing pile of food for the hobbits – pizza, mashed potatoes, baked chicken, stuffing, yellow rice, corn, jello, hot rolls with butter, cheese cakes, lasagna, sausages wrapped in bacon…yeah, you get what I mean.

Plus, they were trying to steal Shelob's prized Christmas traditional trifle pudding that was on top of the highest shelves, but the spider kids guard them with their own lives, which was good because it was meant for dessert after dinner.

In the den, the warg puppies were wearing new, neon green collars and barking madly at a TV screen, where Gandalf, Galadriel and Saruman were watching the Wheel of Fortune and were screaming/shrieking/shouting/kicking/throwing TV remotes or pillows/tearing hair out/going hysterical/insane/mental/crazy. Only Celeborn was calm and quiet, as if his wife and two wizards weren't causing uproar just because of a show.

"E! E! E! E! PICK E!" Gandalf and Saruman belted out.

"NO! SHE'S GONNA PICK F!" Galadriel shrieked.

"**PICK E!**"

"F!" A contestant said confidently on the show.

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?" Galadriel screeched.

"F…is incorrect."

"ARRRGHH!" Galadriel, Saruman and Gandalf both let out a deranged yell and collapsed on top of each other, sobbing uncontrollably.

"SHE LOOOOSSSTT..." They wailed.

I backed out of the room, and then I heard Arwen scream, "DINNERTIME!" halfway across the house.

I was instantly knocked over flat on my bum and trampled on very excited warg puppies.

Groaning, I sat up, rubbing my sore head. Warg puppies grow fast. Almost too fast.

"Ouch, that was violent. You alright there Dra?" Celeborn helped me up.

"Oh…yeah…"

At the dinner table, everyone was literally climbing over each other to get the best food. Not that they were bad of course, but some foods were more tastier than others and soon the baked chicken, turkey, stuffing and bacon vanished in about .5 seconds into the delightful meal.

Most of it was consumed by Merry and Pippin.

"Fool of a Brandybuck! Fool of a Took!" Gandalf scolded them. "You just took all the good food!"

"That's too bad." Merry said cheerfully.

"You didn't get it fast enough!" Pippin added.

On the other side of the table, with Haldir and Aragorn…

"I say candy is better."

"I say PB and soda are better."

"Candy."

"PB and soda."

"Candy."

"PB and soda."

"Don't you think PB and soda is a bit wordy?" Rosie asked Aragorn.

"It's worthy enough to be wordy." The former King of Gondor said confidently.

"What a mouthful." Rosie mused.

It would've been very nice if we went caroling. But Arwen insisted that we stayed inside, because it was freezing like bloody, bleeding hell outside and we would all catch a cold. I guess we could do it next year.

But of course, Aragorn was most eager to share his so-called "singing" with us, with a hefty load of soda.

"I'M DREAMING OF A WHITE CHRISTMAS…"

"Oh, bother." Wormtongue rubbed his forehead as we sat in the living room, a toasty warm fire going on in the fireplace.

"It's more like poopy brown and veggie green Christmas for the past years." Glorfindel said thoughtfully. "Not at all white. Remember last, last year? It was disgusting. Or else it did snow, but not at December. It snowed during Halloween!"

"Poor kids." Theoden said. "Slipping all over the ice and spilling their candy everywhere…"

"JUST LIKE THE ONES I USED TO KNOW…"

"No," Eowyn commented. "But Haldir's taken the extreme advantage of prancing around like a mad baboon and tripping all those kids and stealing their candy."

"I am NOT a mad baboon." Haldir snorted.

Eomer sat down next to the former Marchwarden of Lorien, and looked at Haldir from head to toe. "Look like a mad baboon to me." Then, with some afterthought, "No, more like an insane baboon."

"INSANE BABOOONSSS…"

"Hey, that's not part of the song!" Eomer told Aragorn.

"Oh yeah! Okay…WHERE THE TREETOPS GLISTEN…"

"Y'know, I think Aragorn's getting better at singing." Gimli observed his friend with Legolas.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Legolas asked warily.

"Definitely a bad thing."

"AND CHILDREN LISTEN…"

"Watch him sing opera in a couple of months. Here, I'll bet you a hundred dollars." Gimli told Legolas.

Legolas smirked. "You'll lose, Master Dwarf."

"Ah…no. Hand it over, Barbie."

"Here you go, Grumpy." Each fished out a fifty-dollar bill from their fat wallets and slid it inside a pink piggy bank with blue flowers decorated on its sides.

"TO HEAR SLEIGH BELLS IN THE SNOW…"

It was pretty true, that Aragorn's singing was progressing towards what you might call "decent". Although it still sounded like cats yowling at the top of their lungs, I'd rather this than before.

"IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS…"

"It IS Christmas, Aragorn." Boromir told him, looking up from a chess game with Faramir.

"E'VRYWHERE YOU GO…"

"I don't think he heard me." Boromir said.

"I don't think so either." Faramir replied.

"Hey, look guys!" I heard Eowyn exclaim happily from the next room. "American Idol is on!"

Faramir smacked his forehead. "Oh no, Aragorn's going to try to compete too…"

Aragorn made a wild sprint for the next room.

Boromir patted his brother sympathetically on the shoulder. "Well, you DID marry her."

The sound of Aragorn singing/screaming at the top of his lungs was deafening. Cut that I agreed that Aragorn's singing was getting better; it's worse. Not even cat yowling could compare this.

A/N: Please feel free to sing along with Aragorn's horrible singing! :D

"RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER – "

"Reindeer!" The hobbits piped up cheerfully.

"HAD A VERY SHINY NOSE! AND IF YOU EVER SAW HIM – "

"Saw him!"

"YOU WOULD EVEN SAY IT GLOWS!"

"Like a light bulb!"

"ALL OF THE OTHER REINDEER – "

"Reindeer!"

"USED TO LAUGH AND CALL HIM NAMES!"

"Like Pinocchio!"

"THEY NEVER LET POOR RUDOLPH – "

"Rudolph!"

"PLAY IN ANY REINDEER GAMES!"

"Like Monopoly!"

"THEN ONE FOGGY CHRISTMAS EVE, SANTA CAME TO SAY – "

"How ya doin' Rudolph?"

"RUDOLPH WITH YOUR NOSE SO BRIGHT, WON'T YOU GUIDE MY SLEIGH TONIGHT? THEN ALL THE REINDEER LOVED HIM - "

"Loved him!"

"AND THEY SHOUTED OUT WITH GLEE!"

"YIPPEE!"

"RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER!"

"REINDEER!"

"YOU'LL GO DOWN IN HISTORY!"

"LIKE WASHINGTON, D.C.!"

Hope you liked it all! New Years' Day chapter will be up soon…not saying when though…:D

Merry Christmas (again)! I think I said that about eighty times already at school, home, neighbors…to you!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	14. The Awesome People

Hello everyone! Hope you liked the two Christmas chapters…:D

But hey – it's the New Year! We're gonna die in 2012, so why don't we make the best of it, eh? (For those of you who are skeptical about the 2012 apocalypse, I'm joking.)

Here you go, Chapter 14.

Happy New Year!

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 14:**

"Hey Dra…"

I mumbled incoherently in my sleep and rolled over.

"Dra…"

"Five more minutes." I said through my pillow.

"Dra!"

"What?" I looked up sleepily to see Eowyn peering over me. "What's going on?"

"Wake up! It's almost 2012!" She whispered excitedly. "It's almost New Years'!"

To be honest, I could really care less about the New Year. "Okay." I said. "Wake me up when it IS 2012."

"No! You have to help us!" Eowyn grabbed my arm and yanked me swiftly out of bed. "Ooh, sorry!"

I looked up at her from the ground, fully awake with eyebrows raised. "It's fine. What are you doing?"

"You mean what WE are doing."

"We?"

"Yes, we. Me, Elladan, Elrohir, Merry, Pippin and you."

Dang it, dang it, dang it, dang it, dang it…knew I should've accepted Mom's offer to come to theCaribbeanfor the holidays. Instead, I wanted to spend time at home with my jolly 'ol friends.

"We're planning to wake up everybody atmidnight! Oh, it's going to be so fun!" She said cheerfully as she led me down the stairs as if she knew where she was going even in the dark.

"How are you going to do it?" I asked quietly.

"We recorded Aragorn singing Lady Gaga's song "Marry the Night" in the shower a few days ago, so we're going to blast that up to full volume with a loudspeaker in every room and that'll do most of the waking up process. Then we're going to set the warg puppies throughout the house barking and howling, and get the spiders to attack everybody, set off firecrackers in metal pots, and get a confetti machine, and scream like we're going to die…"

What a world, what a world…

"Ready?" Eowyn whispered to the Rivendell twins and the two mischievous hobbits.

"Can't wait." Elladan replied.

"Arwen's gonna be SO ticked off…" Elrohir sniggered. "Waking her up from her beauty sleep…like she really needs one…literally."

"Go!" Eowyn shouted loudly.

Eowyn blasted Aragorn's screechy singing up to full volume, Elladan started sending out all the warg puppies, Elrohir set off firecrackers, I started sending out all the spiders, and Merry and Pippin were joyfully screaming at the top of their lungs and running around in circles.

The result…was priceless.

At first, I heard lots of people falling out of their beds, and somebody yelling angrily, which I identified as Haldir shrieking, "BLOODY MURDER! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" at the top of his lungs, and Aragorn sprinting downstairs with a fluffy pillowcase, probably suspecting that we were robbers and tried to save his peanut butter and soda, resulting in a pillow fight with Merry and Pippin.

Upstairs, Celeborn didn't even twitch when Aragorn's singing came on. He was a deep sleeper, after all. Very deep sleeper.

Galadriel snorted in her sleep, and muttered, "T'was foretold…my twin grandsons…would set the dogs…on Haldir's candy…good riddance and thank Eru…"

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Arwen came storming down the stairs, followed by a disgruntled looking Eomer.

"It's 2012, Arwen!" Eowyn said brightly. "Join in the fun!"

"I don't want to have fun right now! I want to sleep!"

"Told you Arwen didn't get enough of her beauty sleep." Elrohir giggled. "Just look at the steam pouring from her ears –"

Arwen spun around so quickly that Elrohir yelped, jumping up into the air and tripping over a stool. She gave him the "Death-glare", which, in LoTR terms, is when Arwen's gets so angry at something and/or somebody that it's like an Arwen nuclear bomb that shoots lasers and spews lava and machine guns and eighty grenades and blows up the entire universe…to the power of eight.

"Uh-I-er-I mean, uh, Arwen looks very ticked off right now so we should probably shut off all the music and the lights and get everything back under control in about ten seconds now because health is seemingly the most unlikely thing that will remain in good standards." Elrohir quickly amended his statement, which possibly was the best solution to do at the moment.

* * *

><p>"<em>ARAGORN, THEODEN, WORMTONGUE, THRANDUIL, CELEBORN, GANDALF, AND SARUMAN – IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET DRUNK GO GET DRUNK SOMEWHERE ELSE<em>! _NOT IN THE HOUSE! YOU ALREADY BROKE A LAMP; YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BREAK ANOTHER ONE!_"

Well, that's a great start to begin the year - Arwen screaming at half the grown men in my house to get drunk somewhere else. What a delight.

Eyes on fire, she turned to Legolas and Gimli, who were just about to start another drinking competition. "It's getting quite monotonous, your drinking contest." She told them curtly. "And if you're doing it again you better join Aragorn and his crew as well."

"Hey guys!" Haldir yelled. "It's Fluffykins and Ducky! And Mimi! In the backyard!"

Frodo let out a startling scream and dove behind Sam.

"Who?" I asked Sam. "I know I heard of Fluffykins and Ducky, but not Mimi."

"Er, Fluffykins and Ducky are the fell beasts, remember? And Mimi's a cave troll from Moria."

"…Oh."

"Mr. Frodo here has a perpetual fear of fell beasts and cave trolls. And a bit of spiders."

I ran into the backyard, praying that they wouldn't rip the roof off. God knows what I'd do if they ripped the roof off.

I arrived at the backyard.

They didn't rip the roof off, thankfully. In fact, they looked quite tame and considerably calm, besides the fact that they were giant, black, had spikes and fangs the length of my arm, and they wanted me to pee. Not climbing all over the house, trees, everything. Even Mimi, a huge, tall, ugly cave troll and bulging brown eyes with barely any civilized clothing on was sitting down on the ground next to the fence.

Might've fainted right there and then if there wasn't the house's wall to keep me upright.

"Fluffykins and Ducky really like butterflies." Glorfindel said brightly, as if there was nothing wrong at all with a female Moria cave troll and two fell beasts in my backyard. No, not at all.

Mimi spotted me, and leaned down to get a better look at the newbie.

What do you do when a cave troll shoves her face millimeters in front of yours?

"Hi." I said awkwardly. "How do you do?"

Mimi's grin spread from ear to ear as she stuck out a hand, which I tried to accept and shake, except it's rather hard to accept a cave troll's hand were their hands are about a hundred times bigger than yours.

Almost crushed my hand at that, too.

Go figure!

* * *

><p>Meanwhile, our fellow friends were out in the woods not far from the house, drinking soda and beer and cheerfully getting drunk.<p>

"You are sooo weird…" Theoden slurred, clapping Aragorn on the back.

"You're weirder…"

"Weirdest …"

"Weirdest-der…"

Theoden looked at Aragorn skeptically. "I didn't know that was a word."

"Just been added."

"Oh."

Gandalf and Saruman were busy creating new fireworks, including one that would follow anyone that you wanted the firework to follow until they singed the victim's butt.

"Hee hee, let's get Wormy…" Gandalf snickered.

That night Wormtongue was running around in the woods, tripping over logs, slipping in the mud, plowing through thorn bushes, getting whacked in the head with tree branches, all the while screaming that the Boogeyman was out to get him.

"Ooh, look at him go!" Saruman squealed like a pig.

Thranduil spied Wormtongue trying to get away from the firework so he stuck his foot out to trip him. Wormtongue sprawled on the ground, and the firework got to him.

"YAY!" Gandalf and Saruman cheered, clinking beer bottles and dancing around. "WE ARE MAD GENIUSES!"

* * *

><p>"Good grief Shelob." Arwen eyed the giant spider's large platter of food, consisting of every food you could think of off the top of your head. "Breakfast does not need to be epic."<p>

"Course it does." Elladan and Elrohir entered the room, much to Arwen's irritation. "It's the beginning of the year, and you NEVER start a year with cereal."

"Why not?" Arwen asked crossly.

"You just don't, little sis." Elrohir said cheerfully.

"By the way, where's Aragorn & Co.?" Elladan looked around. "It's morning now."

"Outside getting drunk." Arwen said. "Why don't you go get them?"

"Right away." Elladan waltzed to the back door and left.

Elrohir debated whether or not he should go with his twin too.

"I don't know, Arwen. Should I go or not? Elladan's the more reckless one, y'know. He might end up drinking with Aragorn and singing Barney songs and dancing around all night – er, morning – so maybe I should come with him so he won't go insane with everyone else and maybe everything will turn out alright because Eru knows what you'd do if Aragorn did something entirely out of line which most likely would be hazardous to my health and you won't ever let us do anything fun again because you've got quite the grudge sis – Oh dear, you're giving me that death glare again, maybe I should shut up – but anyways, where was I? Oh yes, but maybe I shouldn't go because maybe Elladan will drag me in with the fun and what if I don't want to? But where's the fun in not wanting to join in the fun? Mind you, I like to dance and sing and drink and have fun as much as everyone else in the world. But if Elladan DOES drag me in to the fun I might want to join in and so I wouldn't get anybody home at any rate so maybe I shouldn't go, isn't that right Arwen?"

Elrohir looked around, confused. Arwen wasn't in the kitchen anymore.

"Arwen?"

Shelob whined to him, telling him that she left ten minutes ago when he started ranting on and on about whether or not he should go or not.

"Oh." Elrohir said. "I guess I'll go."

He left the kitchen, following his brother out into the dark woods.

That could've been the biggest mistake in his life.

"HI ELROHIR!" Aragorn giggled, handing him a bottle of beer. Elladan was also drunk, somehow in the span of five minutes that he left the house.

"Hi." Elrohir said uncertainly.

"Isn't today the best day in the world?" Elladan slurred.

"Um." Elrohir said. "Yeah."

"We are going to camp out in the woods and pretend we are Rangers of the North, just like what we did 6000 years ago, right guys?" Aragorn shouted. "I am the Amazing Aragorn, and this is Elladan the Excellent! And this is Gandalf the Great and Super Saruman and Terrific Theoden and Tremendous Thranduil, and the Wonderful Wormtongue! TOGETHER WE ARE THE AWESOME PEOPLE!"

Aragorn jabbed Elrohir in the chest. "Everyone has a name. Hey, Elrohir you can be Extra-Cool Elrohir!"

"Uh, I beg to differ?" Elrohir tried.

Elladan looked at his brother strangely. "That's a weird name. Uh-I-Beg-To-Differ-Elrohir?"

"No, that kinda sorta not really fits." Aragorn said broodingly. "Elrohir always is a good boy. He considers every option before jumping in. AND THAT'S WHY YOU WOULD BE AN AWESOME ADDITION TO THE AWESOME PEOPLE!"

"No, seriously, I've got to get you guys home. You're going to catch a cold." Elrohir said.

"Nope!" Aragorn shook his head. "No can do! You're part of The Awesome People and I'm the leader, so you hafta listen ta ME!"

"Hey, I never said I was joining!" Elrohir said defensively. "Elladan, let's go home!"

"No way Jose, _duuuuudee_…" Elladan drawled out the word "dude" and also said "Jose" wrong, like you would in English instead of Spanish.

"Yes, we are going home!"

"Not unless you join The Awesome People."

Elrohir pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Yes, alright, I'll join."

"YAY!" Everyone cheered. Aragorn pinned a beer bottle cap with a scribbled "TAP" written on the surface to Elrohir's shirt, indicating he was part of The Awesome People.

"NOW can we go home?" Elrohir asked, quite exasperated.

"Mmm…okay!" Aragorn agreed. "MEN WE ARE GOING HOME!"

Everyone hooked arms and skipped the rest of the way home from the woods, with Elrohir being hooked onto drunk Aragorn and drunk Elladan and also tripping, slipping and being dragged on his face half the time.

By the time that they got home Elrohir was very bruised and maimed. Arwen got very mad at him.

But after all, he was forced to join by Aragorn and Elladan, so Elrond and Arwen alike delightfully banned Aragorn from peanut butter and soda for three weeks and Elladan banned from his video games and computer for three weeks as well.

And you could tell that everyone was going to face a lot of Aragorn and Elladan wailing.

* * *

><p>Happy 2012 everyone!<p>

Have a happy, prosperous and healthy new year to you and your family! :D

Don't forget to review!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	15. Let's Tick Arwen Off!

Hey everybody!

Hey everybody! So sorry for the slow updates; hopefully I'll be able to update much faster in the future! If school and/or other family events literally never existed, I would probably be updating every week or something. But _possibly _by March or April updates will start speeding up. Not to mention June…think about the summer! XD

Hope you enjoy _Pigs Do Fly_'s Chapter 15...will be veeery exciting...well, if you consider it exciting...

Enjoy and review.

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 15: **

It was just another typical day of January, when the snowstorms hit and Arwen doesn't let you outside because we'll catch another cold unless we dress up in a million layers like a hippo or something.

Since we had practically nothing to do and not to mention whining at the top of our lungs, we decided to play a game.

This game is called…"Let's Tick Arwen Off!"

Man, and was everyone SO into it…

People were assigned to different jobs that specified in an area the made Arwen extremely annoyed or angry. They were assigned according to their skills.

For example, all Aragorn had to do was sit in the kitchen, eating peanut butter and soda and sing into a microphone. Another example would be Merry and Pippin raiding the fridge and playing football with Gollum's iPad.

Haldir's job was to of course, eat candy and anything else that had sweets. And Arwen was notoriously known to be a very healthy and strict eater.

"Haldir, you are going to grow into a fat, blubbery hippo!" Arwen scolded the elf, who quickly shoved another Hershey bar into his mouth before she could take it away. "Do you know how much sugar you're eating?"

"So? I don't care." Haldir mumbled through a mouthful of chocolate.

"And don't talk with your mouth full! It's disgusting."

"Okay!" Haldir said – with his mouth full and open for the entire world to see a hundred times over.

Arwen smacked her forehead and was nearly plowed over by Eowyn and Eomer who were currently having an arm-wrestling turned boxing/wrestling competition.

"Will you two QUIT IT?" Arwen yelled. "You're going to make the house explode!"

"I'm – _grunt _– sure – _grunt _– Dra doesn't – _grunt _– mind!" Eomer managed out while his sister socked, punched, kicked and threw him around like he was a rag doll.

Arwen whirled around angrily, looking at me while I sat on the couch, trying to remain out of sight as well as I could. "Er…" I began awkwardly. "Oh no, it's totally cool…"

To be honest, I was kind of with Arwen at this point, after a good couple of hours of nonstop violence and screaming and shouting and singing and running around like monkeys. Although I was VERY sure my mom and dad planted insurance on everything, I wasn't sure if this was a very good idea to make Arwen really mad like this and possibly blow up the house. Wonder if these LoTR will be the next to start a World War III?

Man, that'd be very…let's just say scary.

"HEY EVERYONE WATCH THIS!" Aragorn shouted, and leapt onto a table that Arwen had neatly set out for her nightly habit of watching TV while drinking some nice hot cocoa. She had forgotten to put it away, due to screaming at everyone to be quiet and stay quiet.

Arwen smacked her forehead as Aragorn went on with what he was about to do. Now she was forced to be embarrassed for both of them as Aragorn proudly showed off his knack for belching out the alphabet backwards.

Everyone applauded.

"Oh!" Elladan and Elrohir sobbed on each other, almost collapsing at how beautiful the belching was. "That brought a tear to my eye!"

"I'm sure it did!" Arwen snapped. "Where'sAda?"

"In the den." Elrohir jabbed a finger towards the direction of the den, momentarily forgetting to be faking crying.

Arwen stormed over to her father, who was busy playing poker with Galadriel and Gandalf. It was an extremely close match because Galadriel could read minds, but Gandalf had the experience, and Elrond was just plain nerdy – oh, uh, smart.

"Ada!" She exclaimed angrily. "What are you doing?"

Elrond looked up briefly. "Playing a game."

"And have you been paying attention to what everyone else is doing?"

"Uh, yeah, sure I have. They're uh…um, I don't know, wrecking the place – please, Arwen, do not disturb me."

"Ada!"

"Not yet Arwen."

Elrond then smacked a card down on the table and crowed in Galadriel's face. "OH! OH! YOU GOT PWNED!"

"Such audacity." Galadriel said calmly and then gently placed her card down on the table, which was better than Elrond's card.

"Such _stupidity_." Gandalf mused, and then put his card down on the table.

"Aww…" Galadriel and Elrond looked longingly at Gandalf's card, which dominated their cards.

"Excellent!" Gandalf said brightly. "Now I get the pipeweed, and you two get to do whatever you want. Toodles!"

As Elrond and Galadriel were busy fighting over what they should do next, Arwen shook her head, and sighed. Obviously now she and Dra were the only sane ones in the house. Nobody else seemed to have maintained their common sense in this world. Even her father seemed to have lost his mind.

Just then, the lights flickered, and went out.

"**_AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!_**" Aragorn screamed. Using his super-duper awesomely awesome of the awesomest awesome Ranger skills (as he put it), he ran straight to Arwen's arms in the den. "Arwen!" He whined. "I'm scared!"

"Oh, PUH-LEASE." Arwen groaned, pushing her husband away. "You've faced multiple battles with orcs, led armies yourself, were a Ranger, led the Fellowship after Gandalf, been out in the dangerous wilderness all by yourself, fought and killed thousands of our enemies, survived just about everything, and even was the King of Gondor – "

"Technically that was 6000 years ago and I didn't do half the things because Tolkien's a fat liar – " Aragorn tried to worm his way out of it.

"Still."

"Okay fine. Where's the candles? Get the flashlights, guys."

Everyone in the house tried to find candles, flashlights, matches and start the fireplace but everyone managed to trip over each other.

"Ouch!" Eowyn snapped. "Eomer, stop pushing me!"

"Sorry. And it's not Eomer, it's Wormtongue."

"Where's Eomer, then?"

"Over here!" Eomer called out, to tell where he was to Eowyn. "I'm in the kitchen with Glorfindel and – whoops, there goes the candy jar." There was a resounding, absolute crash as the sound of glass hit the ground.

Haldir let out a shriek of terror, and everyone grunted and yelped in pain as he trampled everyone to get to his precious candy jar.

"HOW DARE YOU EOMER – "

"Whoa, dude, chill – "

"I WILL NOT CHILL – MY CANDY – LOOK - "

"I can't exactly look; it's kinda dark in here – "

"I DON'T CARE, JUST LOOK –"

"Well, I'm very sorry that I don't possess the same awesome elven sight that you do – "

"WILL YOU JUST LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID – "

"Oww…oh, there goes Haldir pulling my hair so I can get an awesome close-up of a broken jar that I can't really see."

Finally, Saruman found the fireplace and lighted it with his staff. The whole house lit up dimly with its warmth and everyone was rushing to get a good seat next to it.

"Ah, the trusty 'ol metal stick still works after 6000 years!" Saruman said proudly while examining his old staff. "I'm impressed."

"No, my staff is way cooler." Gandalf said, brandishing his wooden staff.

"No, my staff is way cooler. Yours is lame."

"Yours is lamer."

"Lamest."

"Dorky, nerdy, geeky, stupid – "

"Moron, fatso, Dumbledore, idiot – "

"Ragdoll, worm, trash, loser – "

"Butt-head, smelly, git, retard – "

"Thick, mentally ill, weirdo, creep – "

"Uh, guys?" I asked the two wizards who were busy conversing back and forth with as many insults they could think off the top of their heads. "Guys? We really should not be arguing right now."

Everybody's heads were swiveling back and forth according to wizard.

"Freak – "

"Dumb – "

Wow, this was going to be very interesting.

"How about we tell ghost stories?" Sam said loudly over their conversation.

"Ooh! Good idea Sam!" Aragorn said cheerfully and snatched the flashlight out of Sam's hands swiftly. Then with the light on, he put the flashlight under his chin and gave everyone his creepiest grin.

Which actually kind of worked, because those who weren't listening and paying attention to Gandalf and Saruman's rant screamed and fell on top of the person next to them when they saw Aragorn.

"Oooh!" Aragorn made poor attempts at mimicking a ghost's haunting sound. "OOOOHHH!"

"Um, Aragorn?" Eowyn asked.

"Yesss?" Aragorn asked in the same creepy ghost voice.

"You're failing. Classically."

"I don't caareee…"

"I think that ghost from the Paths of the Dead was cooler." Gimli commented. "A lot cooler. No offense Aragorn, but you suck at being scary."

"Then what scares you?" Aragorn asked.

Everyone exchanged glances. Nobody wanted to speak up and say that his singing scares them the most because then Aragorn would start singing…and then…well, yeah. You know what happens next.

Aragorn thought for a while before shrieking, "Oh! Oh! I know!" He was so energetic and enthusiastic that he leapt onto the top of a table and jumped up and down like he had just won the lottery.

Everyone began praying to Eru for their mental health.

"**_99 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 99 BOTTLES OF BEER! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 98 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!_**"

Gimli breathed out. "At least it wasn't a million bottles of beer." He said gratefully.

"**_A MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, ONE MILLION BOTTLES OF BEER! TAKE ONE DOWN, PASS IT AROUND, 999,999 BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL!_**"

Gimli blanched when everybody gave the dwarf death glares, and begin to close on around the poor guy with fists. "You didn't hear me say _anything_." He persisted.

They didn't seem to agree.

"Uh-oh…"

* * *

><p>And kids - thus is the reason why you need to think before you speak! XD<p>

Don't forget to leave a review!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	16. Eomer Looks Bad In Pink

I'm sorry guys for the lack of updating! I had a busy month…but fear not! I have returned and is hoping to update more often.

Happy Valentine's Day – An early holiday gift to you, since I don't want you guys to die without Pigs Do Fly… This chapter MAY be longer than usual...due to events that will occur in Chapter 16...

Don't forget to leave a review! :D

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 16: Eomer Looks Bad In Pink **

I think I shouldn't have woken up today. Why? Well, first of all – it's Valentine's Day.

Arwen is obsessed with this holiday. I'm not too sure why, but when I went downstairs for breakfast, the very first thing that I noticed was that everyone was wearing pink.

It was very strange to see elves, hobbits, men, ladies, dwarf, and wizards in pink clothing. Everything on them was pink. Their sweaters, pants, socks and shirts all looked like someone dyed them either a hot pink or a romantic light pink.

In fact, I'm very sure that Arwen dyed all of their clothes overnight, and nobody was pleased.

Especially Eomer.

"Pink looks terrible on me." Eomer grumbled, tugging at his pink shirt. "It's such a girly color – why should Arwen have to force it on me? Hey Aragorn, why can't you convince Arwen to stop with all this pink?"

Aragorn set down his newspaper, which unfortunately had also been dyed pink. "I can't." He said simply.

"You kid me not."

"Yep. I kid you not." Then Aragorn picked up the bar of butter that he was using for his toast. "Hey, you see this? It says, 'I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!' I wonder, if it's not butter, what do you suppose it is? Can't believe Arwen buys fake stuff…oh no, we don't get fake _fake _butter, we get REAL fake butter!" 

Eomer smacked his forehead, and then decided to go into the kitchen for some more coffee. Except he was attacked by a group of tiny spiders, all wearing pink. The girl spiders were wearing cute bows on each of their eight legs, and the boy spiders wore pink socks.

A strange sight, indeed. Even Shelob wore a giant pink bow on her head. "Can you make me some coffee?" Eomer asked.

Shelob happily obliged. She quickly made coffee, and gave it to him in a pink mug.

Eomer wrinkled his nose at the pink mug. At least the coffee was a nice brown color.

"Hi Eomer!" Glorfindel chirped brightly, eating cereal at the table. "Did you notice any changes around the house?"

Eomer stared at him. "Oh, no. I never noticed that everything in my closet has turned pink, the curtains, tablecloth, newspapers, and the silverware has turned pink. The shampoo has turned pink. The spiders are wearing pink. I'M wearing pink. Heck, everyone's wearing pink! It's so girly that I'm BLUSHING pink!"

"Yeah, I think you covered just about all of it..." Glorfindel mused. "Oh wait! You forgot something!"

"What could I forget?" Eomer asked dully, sitting in the seat next to him.

"It's Valentine's Day!"

Eomer almost fell out of his chair. "WHAT?"

"Eomer, there isn't a WHAT? to Valentine's Day. Don't you like it? I think it's nice. Arwen always did too."

"I had no idea Arwen loved this holiday." Eomer said sarcastically, climbing back into his chair. "No, not at all. Why didn't you tell me before? For 6000 years, I never noticed that Arwen liked Valentine's Day! Never! Not once in my life did it occur to me that Arwen just loved all the hearts and doves and Cupid! Nope!"

"Really?" Glorfindel said with awe. "Wow!"

"I was being sarcastic!"

"...Oh. That's a bummer. I thought you were serious, and that would've been funny because Arwen's been doing it since forever! Remember what happened last year?"

Eomer groaned and buried his head in his hands. "Don't remind me."

I entered the kitchen to find Eomer looking quite miserable and glum in his pink sweater. Glorfindel was next to him, telling him a story of something.

"Hi guys!" I said, sliding into a seat across from them. Shelob slid a plate of toast towards me. "What's wrong, Eomer?"

"I hate Valentine's Day."

I really didn't know how to respond to that. "Um...okay." I decided to turn to the happier elf. "How are you Glorfindel?"

"Very good, thank you." The elf responded cheerfully. "I was just recounting last year's Valentine's Day to Eomer! Such good times..."

"Please don't retell it to Dra." Eomer moaned. "At least not within my earshot."

Glorfindel didn't hear him. "I think I shall tell you the story, Dra! And Eomer can listen too, just in case if he forgot what I was just talking about."

"Oh yes, I forgot what you were blabbering on about for the last ten minutes."

"Really?"

"No!"

"Whatever." I said, actually interested. "What happened?"

Glorfindel looked genuinely happy that I wanted to listen.

"Well, it all started because of Arwen…"

* * *

><p>"Oh no..." Eomer moaned, yanking a pink shirt out of his closet one winter morning. "Please don't tell me it's Valentine's Day already..."<p>

"IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY!" Arwen said cheerfully. "And besides, you're not wearing that."

Eomer turned to stare at the elf. He remembered when he first read Tolkien's work and watched the movies that Arwen was always so sorrowful, melancholy, lonely and desperate for Aragorn. She was so much calmer and composed herself. He actually liked the fake Arwen better even though the fake Arwen didn't even exist.

"I've got two questions." Eomer said. "First - why are you in my room? And second, why can't I wear my own clothes?"

"I'm in your room because you're late. And second, you're not wearing that ridiculous shirt. Remember, Barliman Butterbur and Tom Bombadil is coming over today. Plus, it's Tom's birthday tomorrow, but we're celebrating it today."

"Today? Already?"

"Yes, today!" Arwen said exasperatedly. "And we're putting on a play for him."

"And the play is about..."

"The Flower Fairy Princess!" She said brightly.

"The **_WHAT_**?"

"Don't be so shocked, Eomer. Tom absolutely loves fairies, flowers and princesses. We're doing it, whether you like it or not. It's his Valar-knows-how-old-he-is birthday, and he won't be pleased unless we put on a good show."

Eomer's jaw ached from hanging open. He shut his mouth. "Wait, who's going to play the Flower Fairy Princess?" He was hoping that he wouldn't have to play it.

"You do!"

Eomer almost started to bawl. "Why me?"

"Because everyone got to take a pick early this morning. For some weird reason no one wanted the Flower Fairy Princess part. I mean, it's the BEST PART! It's one of the main ones and you would get the most lines. So lucky you, Eomer! I think everyone was being nice and left you with the most fame and glory!" Arwen exclaimed with a big smile.

Then she shoved a stapled stack of papers and a piece of clothing in his arms. "Here are your lines, and your costume. Memorize them and do try to act. I know it's on short notice, but do your best! Aragorn will be in shortly to help you in your costume. Tom and Barliman's coming in about three hours. Toodles!"

Dumbfounded, Eomer looked over his lines. He felt like he was going to faint. He muttered his lines to himself. No use trying to deny Arwen's orders. He'd get his butt kicked.

"_I wonder where my Prince Charming is…"_

_"Oh, look how the sparkly stars glow-eth!"_

_"You're the loveliest fairy I have ever seen on this wondrous land. Your eyes are like sapphires shine more than the heavenly blossoms of the river, and your hair is silky and soft like golden thread. My fair lady, will thou marry me?"_

Eomer took the golden opportunity before Aragorn arrived to barf in his toilet.

When he left the bathroom, Aragorn just entered the room. "Hiya Eomer, what's up? Arwen sent me to help you into your costume...so..."

"WHY AM I THE FLOWER FAIRY PRINCESS?" Eomer snarled, his war-like side beginning to show.

"Uh...well...you see..." Aragorn looked nervous. "We all took a vote on whom we would be so...and..."

"And nobody happened to pick the Flower Fairy Princess?" Eomer growled.

"That's...er, quite precise, actually..."

Eomer banged his head against the wall several times. "And now I'm stuck with this part for the play just because I woke up late to vote. Valar save me!"

"Well, can't do anything now. I'm supposed to be Smaug the Magnificent."

Eomer looked at Aragorn strangely. "What?"

"Didn't you read the script over? It's about a Flower Fairy Princess trapped in a high tower, awaiting her Prince Charming. Smaug is supposed to eat her once Prince Charming arrives and then Prince Charming kills Smaug and marries the princess."

"That's retarded. Why doesn't Smaug eat her before the prince comes?"

"I don't know! Arwen wrote it herself. Ask her."

Eomer sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Yeah, I know right? I'm Smaug, you're the Flower Fairy Princess and Eowyn is Prince Charming."

Eomer fell off of his bed.

"WHY IS MY SISTER PRINCE CHARMING?"

Aragorn winced at his shouting and screaming. "Man, I don't know. Suck it up and just be a MAN."

"I WOULD be the MAN and Eowyn WOULD be the PRINCESS! It always had been since our reign in Rohan!"

"Okay, whatever. I have to dress you up now or else Arwen's going to blow." Aragorn said. He helped Eomer into his costume, and after he was done, he stepped back, quite amused.

"Well?" Eomer growled.

"You - " Aragorn tried not to giggle. Eomer just looked so adorable! "You - look - fine - "

Eomer stomped out of his room, ready to strangle the first person he saw. And that first person happened to be Eowyn, who was walking downstairs in her costume, which consisted of a cape, breeches, boots, a tunic and leather vest. She also had a sword.

"EOWYN!" Eomer yelled.

Eowyn turned to see her brother all dressed up in a glittery, sparkly pink dress that reached all the way to his ankles. It had plenty of ribbons and silk and satin on it, with red rubies adorning its modest neckline and puffy shoulders. All in all, he looked "adorable", as Aragorn would call it.

Eowyn exploded with laughter, but tripped, and fell down a flight to stairs.

Eomer was not pleased.

"Eowyn!" Eomer said. "This is not funny!"

Eowyn couldn't even talk. She just kept banging her fist against the ground, screaming and laughing and guffawing and giggling and rolling over like a mentally ill person.

Finally, when her laughter subsided, she wiped the tears of joy from her eyes. Never had she thought that she'd fine Eomer dressed up in such a girly costume! He even took down several Oliphaunts at one time in theBattleof the Pelennor Fields back in the War of the Ring…but of course, that was Tolkien's stuff. But in reality, he was still a bulldozer when it came to fighting.

"Can we trade?" Eomer asked gruffly.

"Heck no!" Eowyn said. "I'm fine being Prince Charming. At least I've got pants, not dresses. You know how much I love pants? I was literally dying 6000 years ago…"

"And I'm dying now!" Eomer agreed. "So, any tips for dresses like this?"

Eowyn did a quick scan from head to toe, suppressing another wave of giggles. "Try not to step on the hem of your dress. You trip, and you rip the dress." She told him. "And try not to itch, because you'll rip the dress too."

"But it's SO ITCHY!"

"Good! Then you know what I mean by trying not to itch." Eowyn proceeded to keep going downstairs, and to the kitchen where Arwen was applying makeup to each of the actors and actresses.

"EOWYN!" Eomer shouted, trying to walk, but almost tripped.

"Hey, Eomer, you need your fairy shoes!" Aragorn said, pulling him back, and then forced fairy slippers on his feet.

"Ow!" Eomer yelped. "They hurt!"

"Sorry, buddy. You're on your own." Aragorn said apologetically, and then forced Eomer to the kitchen, where Arwen literally squealed in glee at how "princessy" and "perfect" Eomer looked.

"I look like a loser."

"You look like a princess fairy!"

"Exactly. Princess fairies are LOSERS."

"Oh, don't be so fussy, Eomer!" Arwen said. "Here's your tiara – " She shoved a diamond crown on his head.

"And your lipstick – "

"And your blush – "

"Oh, don't you look so cute? Don't forget your _mascara_…"

Eomer backed away from that one. "Oh no, you're not doing that to me. That would be torture."

Arwen didn't look convinced. "Yeah, I'm sure it's torture." Tacking him down head on, she wrestled Eomer to the ground and struggled to put on his mascara. Eomer put up quite a fight, terrified of the fact that he had to wear mascara and eye shadow.

This definitely was not his day.

Arwen stepped back, viewing her work. "Hmm...you're missing something."

Eomer glared at her. "What?" He asked coldly.

"You're missing the boobs." She said.

Eowyn, who was watching nearby and memorizing her lines, snorted, doubled over laughing, and fell out of her chair. "Oh, Eomer with fake boobs!"

Arwen had to wrestled Eomer to the ground to make him put on his fake boobs.

Like before - this _definitely_was not his day. Enough said.

Later, Tom Bombadil and Barliman Butterbur sat with the rest of the audience, waiting for the show to begin. The theater was located in the backyard of Dra's house, since there was no room in the house. Dra was out at work, writing for her newspaper. Ah, if only she was 25 now; then she'd be able to see this show...

Elladan and Elrohir were supposed to be videotaping the entire performance, but were busy making faces at the camera.

And finally, the show began.

The curtains opened, revealing a tall stone tower half-concealed by trees and hills. The night sky was sprinkled with stars - or glitter glue, for that matter. Eomer sat on the window sill, facing the crowd with a sour expression. He hated his role. He already had a few rehearsals and as far as he could tell, it sucked. Big time.

"'Tis stars are so bright. Oh, look how the sparkly stars glow-eth." Eomer said blandly. "I wonder where my Prince Charming is..."

Elladan gave him a thumbs up with a huge grin, and zoomed in.

Eomer almost smacked his forehead. Why didn't he think of it before? Of course they would videotape it...

"I am the Flower Fairy Princess, daughter of the King Fairy and Queen Fairy of Fairy-Glitter-Unicorn-And-Hearts-land. My voice is as beautiful as songbirds, my eyes are as blue as sapphires, and all who looks upon my lovely face will fall in love with me, for I am the one and only Flower Fairy Princess."

Then, Aragorn, who was wearing a pathetic-looking Smaug costume, came up from behind the tower. Eomer was supposed to faint down from the fright of Smaug, but instead he just crossed his arms and looked very annoyed at being here.

"**ROAR!"**Aragorn screamed, rather than roared. "**I AM SMAUG THE MAGNIFICENT! ALL SHALL FEAR ME!** **I SHALL EAT THE FLOWER FAIRY PRINCESS!**"

Eomer rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"But you shall not!" Eowyn yelled, and charged into view, riding on a "white horse" that consisted of Merry wearing the top half of the white horse costume and Pippin wearing the bottom half. "For I am Prince Charming, the Flower Fairy Princess's beloved lover and future husband and King of Fairy-Glitter-Unicorn-And-Hearts-land!"

"Oh, my Prince." Eomer said boringly. "You have come to save me."

"I will save you, lovely princess!" Eowyn did a football take-'em-down tackle at Aragorn, who actually looked like she was succeeding against the former King of Gondor. She didn't even need her sword. All she did was punch him in the stomach and face.

When the fight was finally over, and a very harassed-looking Aragorn lay on the ground, faking that he was dead and sticking out his tongue, Eowyn spread out her arms to Princess Eomer, who was still sitting on the tower.

"My princess! I have saved you!"

"Oh, thank you dear Prince." Eomer said. "This is the most wonderful day of my life."

Eowyn whispered, "Now you have to jump down into my arms."

"What? Why?"

"Arwen made last minute changes. Now jump!"

"No way! I am NOT jumping into your arms -"

"Look, Eomer, just do it or else!"

"I AM A DIGNIFIED PRINCE OF ROHAN - I DO NOT JUMP INTO - "

Eowyn, frustrated, took Eomer's arm and yanked him down roughly. With a yelp, he fell right on top of her.

"Ow..." Eowyn groaned. "Why are you so heavy? What did you eat to make yourself so fat? And you smell funny..."

Then the King Fairy, who was played by Celeborn, and the Queen Fairy, who was played by Galadriel, appeared. "We are the King Fairy and the Queen Fairy of Fairy-Glitter-Unicorn-And-Hearts-land." Obviously Celeborn and Galadriel had the same negative views on the play as Eomer did.

Celeborn turned to Eowyn. "You have saved my beautiful daughter. Thy heart is pure. I give you permission to ask for my daughter's hand."

Everyone clapped. Tom Bombadil turned to Barliman and Arwen. He sniffed, "That was the most - _sniff_- beautiful -_sniff_ - performance I have ever seen!" He started sobbing tears of joy. "This is the best birthday ever, and I have had many before!"

* * *

><p>"So that was the conclusion of the story. The Flower Fairy Princess and Prince Charming got married, and Fairy-Glitter-Unicorn-And-Hearts-land was in peace with Smaug dead." Glorfindel finished.<p>

I was still cracking up at the thought of Eomer being the Flower Fairy Princess. "Wow...that was...hilarious..."

"We still have the tape." Glorfindel said happily. "Do you want to go watch it?"

"Of course!"

Eomer then returned to the kitchen. He had left when Glorfindel started telling me the story. "You're done? Good. Now you know why Valentine's Day is my bane."

I giggled, imagining him in a sparkly costume.

"What?" Eomer gave me a strange look.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"HEY EOMER!" Arwen called. "Come here!"

"What's going on?" Eomer asked, yelling back.

"I just found out that Bombadil's coming over again for his birthday! We need you to play the Flower Fairy Princess again!"

Eomer passed out, hitting the ground.

I passed Glorfindel a cheery grin. "Looks like I don't need the tape - we can watch it now!"

* * *

><p>Hee hee...I loved writing this chapter! It was so fun making fun of Eomer...:D<p>

Question: Who do you want to show up more often in Pigs Do Fly? I don't know, I just feel like I need to make some other minor characters show up more and have a whole chap to themselves.

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	17. Of Gold Coins and Pipeweed

Good LORD I haven't updated in CENTURIES! Anyways, Happy (not really early anymore since I first wrote this chapter) St. Patrick's Day!

Filling out a character request from a reviewer in this chapter! Stay tuned, 'cause your request may/may not/somewhat likely/not likely be in the next chapter! And remember to catch the leprechaun!

And I'm wicked sorry about the lack of updating. March CERTAINLY has a lot in store for me – projects, piano recitals, concerts, school musicals, crucial school state-wide exams…yeah. Life sucks, but whatever. I'm trying my best to write…though I get frequent writer's blocks every five minutes. I seriously need to think up of more funny stuff…hmm…

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 17: **

"Of all dumb people, Boromir, why aren't you wearing GREEN?" Aragorn accused the Steward's son, who was watching the news.

Boromir stared at the former King of Gondor. He couldn't even enjoy a nice Saturday anymore, holiday or not. "So what? It's not like I have to."

The loudest gasp yet erupted from someone in the kitchen. A head poked into the den.

"Holy – " Boromir yelped, and then cut off his profanity at the last second. "Erestor! How – where – why – when did you get here?"

"You wear green – " Erestor pointed an accusing finger at him and ignoring his question, "BECAUSE YOU'LL BE LUCKY!" He belted out.

I looked down, checking that I was wearing green. Green sweater? Check. Green sweatpants? Check. Green socks? Check. Arwen told me to wear all this green stuff…and it was pretty obvious that Boromir didn't know why we had to wear green on St. Patrick's Day…although I wasn't a very hard-core superstitious kid; I still wore it for fun…and for luck.

"Uh-huh. When, how, where, and why did you get here?"

"Last night." Erestor said, striding in with his long legs and sitting down next to him on the couch and gave him a creepy smile. "I crawled through the window on the back porch. Someone left it unlocked. And I came because I felt like it."

"Think I'm going to go have a talk with Faramir." Boromir muttered. "And you came here because you _felt like it_? Why didn't you just ring the doorbell?"

"I told you already, it was last night. It was around one in the morning or something. I didn't feel like waking you guys up so I just decided to come through the window!" Erestor said cheerfully, like there was nothing wrong with breaking into MY house.

"But anyways, YOU NEED TO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN!" Aragorn yelled.

Boromir sat back in his seat on the couch from the loud yell. "No."

"BUT YOU HAVE TO!" Aragorn said.

"No."

"Why - "

"No."

"Come on - "

"No."

"Don't be stupid - "

"No! Give me three reasons why!" Boromir demanded, getting annoyed.

"Okay, fine. FIRST - " Erestor began, and both shoved their faces in front of his.

"If you don't, you'll be pinched. Painfully."

"And then you'll be unlucky. For the entire day."

"And then you'll catch the leprechaun! And shake gold coins from its boxers!" Aragorn said enthusiastically.

"...why do we need to do that again?"

Aragorn smacked his forehead. "Gold coins, Boromir." He said. "GOLD COINS."

"What's so important about gold coins?"

Erestor shook his head, and then whispered to Aragorn, "Poor thing. Doesn't see the point about gold coins."

"Whatever." Boromir said, not liking it when people didn't tell him anything. "Leprechauns aren't real. They're fantasy – made up. I thought you guys weren't that stupid."

"Don't say that!" Aragorn said quickly. "The leprechauns will never show themselves if you say that you hate them out loud! Then how are we going to get the _gold coins_?"

"Once again, I don't see the point in gold coins. This is the twenty-first century – "

"Yeah, and in the twenty-first century, gold has its value in the stock market – "

"Right! Now, run along and go bother someone else. Find the leprechaun yourself, since you two are so hysterical about it, and then give it to Harry so he can do whatever the heck you do in the stock market. If you're lucky, you can buy yourself peanut butter and soda, Aragorn." Boromir said.

Aragorn gasped. "Peanut butter and soda!" He yelped in joy, and then grabbed Erestor's hand, dragging him out the door. "LET US CATCH THAT LEPRECHAUN!"

"God." Boromir mumbled. "I need some tea."

He went to the kitchen, and asked for a cup of hot tea from Shelob. The spider eyed him from head to toe, and then made a noise that sounded a bit like, "Green?"

"Yes, green tea please."

"That's the spirit!" Erestor called weakly, who was exhausted from being dragged around on his face by a very excited Aragorn, digging through the fridge and cabinets for his soda and peanut butter. "Drink and eat green colored stuff, 'cause it's lucky even though it doesn't look quite the appetizing meal – "

Aragorn proceeded to chug a whole can of soda, lick a whole jar of peanut butter, and drag Erestor out the back door by his feet to the backyard to begin their search.

"Eat green eggs and ham!" Erestor squeaked as Boromir calmly watched the elf get hauled across the yard.

* * *

><p>"Did you find anything yet?" Boromir decided to venture out to the backyard to check on Aragorn and Erestor. They were being so passionate and keen on finding the perfect four leaf clover and a leprechaun that they were beginning to act like bloodhounds, sniffing on the ground for any clues and hints.<p>

"I found **ONE **four leaf clover!" Aragorn shouted, springing up behind the hedge and holding up a tiny weed.

"And none others," Erestor added in sadly. "Dra's backyard sucks. Don't you have a garden of four leaf clovers?"

"Who in their right state of mind _grows their own weeds_?"

"I remember back in Gondor Aragorn grew his pipeweed. It was so cute, just sitting on his window sill like a bunch of stupid daisies…" The elf said, smiling slightly at the memory. "Man, those were the old days when the economy wasn't going down the drain and celebrities popping up little babies every five seconds."

BANG! The backdoor flew open and out tumbled Merry and Pippin. Well, more like flew since they were sprinting so fast.

"I heard someone say pipeweed!" Pippin said excitedly. "The magic word of the day!"

Merry tugged at Boromir's shirt. "Say, you got any?"

"No, I _don't_." Boromir said exasperatedly, tugging the hobbit's eager hands away. "How about you go help them find four leaf clovers – "

"I'd rather we find pipeweed." Pippin interrupted.

"Yes, I'd like some pipeweed." Merry mused.

"Do you have any?" Both hobbits asked simultaneously, looking up at Boromir with extremely innocent looks.

"Didn't I just say no? Go bother Gandalf or something. He probably can get you pipeweed."

That did the trick. "GANDAALLLF!" The hobbits hollered, racing back to the house. Even as they were already inside, Boromir, Erestor and Aragorn could hear them whining for pipeweed.

"GANDAALLF DO YOU HAVE PIPEWEEEED?"

There was a crash and it sounded like glass breaking.

"FOOL OF A TOOK!"

"It's Brandybuck!"

"FOOL OF A BRANDYBUCK!" They could hear Gandalf raging inside. "WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO TROUBLESOME? YOU'RE GETTING MUD ALL OVER THE FLOOR! WHO SENT YOU TO BOTHER ME?"

Boromir paled considerably before diving behind the hedge that Aragorn was also behind.

"Gandalf's gonna zap my butt!" Boromir wailed. "He's gonna zap my butt with his wooden staff thingy and it's gonna hurt and then he's gonna be mad at me for sending Merry and Pippin to bother him and he's gonna zap my butt some more and then Faramir's gonna laugh at me and Dad's gonna send more bad presents to me for Christmas because I've been a bad kid and then I'll complain and then Gandalf's gonna zap my butt again! And – "

"Wow! I didn't know Boromir's so scared of Gandalf's zapping staff!" Erestor said with awe. "That is so cute!"

Aragorn immediately slapped a hand over the elf's mouth. "Shh! Trust me, you DO NOT want him to hear that he was cute…"

"Why?"

"Unless you want your butt to turn into dog food, then don't call him 'cute' within his hearing range."

"Oh. Then what can I call him?"

"I don't know…call him Charlie."

Erestor gave Aragorn a strange look, while Boromir still was wailing about his butt being zapped. "Charlie?"

"Yeah, Charlie. He was talking in his sleep about Dominic the Donkey and Charlie the Unicorn…"

"Ooh!" Erestor's eyes lit up. "CAN I BE DOMINIC THE DONKEY?"

Before Aragorn even said yes, Erestor went crawling towards Boromir, going "HEEHAW! HEEHAW!" every five seconds. "Charlie! HEEHAW!"

Boromir stopped his wailing. "What's with the donkey sounds?"

"I'm Dominic the Donkey! And you're Charlie the Unicorn! Charlie, let's go to Candy Mountain, Charlie!"

"Oh no…" Boromir buried his head in his hands, rubbing his temple.

"Let's go to Candy Mountain, Charlie!" Erestor relentlessly kept poking Boromir. "Charlie! Let's go, Charlie! I want to go to Candy Mountain, Charlie!"

"Will you stop calling me Charlie?" Boromir seethed.

"Let's go to Candy Mountain, Charles!"

"That's even worse." Aragorn pointed out.

"DON'T you dare get started with me either." The Steward's son threatened, waving a finger at him.

"Well," Aragorn began, clearly not hearing Boromir's warning, "Charlie and Charles is pretty much the same thing, y'know? The only difference is CharLIE and CharLES. I personally love the name Charles since the letter "L" sounds really light and airy instead of that heavy sound in Charlie. Unless you don't like the names Charlie and Charles, I suggest you change your name to something like Chuck or - CHIPMUNK!"

Aragorn bounded off wildly away from Erestor and Boromir, shrieking, "I FOUND A CHIPMUNK! I FOUND A CHIPMUNK! I FOUND A CHIPMUNK!"

Even Boromir looked up to stare at Aragorn running around the backyard like a mad man. "I don't want to be called Chipmunk." He said sourly.

"No, no, he just found a chipmunk. Like a dog seeing a squirrel? Same affect." Erestor told him.

"ARF! ARF!" Aragorn began his barking spree. "RUFF!"

"Ah. That explains."

* * *

><p>Since Erestor and Aragorn were still very obsessed with the whole leprechaun nonsense (in Boromir's terms), and couldn't stop following him, Boromir<p>

"Hey Erestor!"

"Hmm?"

"You see _gullible _written on the ceiling?"

Erestor's had shot up, and so did Aragorn. "Where?"

"Find the word 'gullible' written on the ceiling. And then you'll find the leprechaun!"

Aragorn and Erestor bolted off into each room in the entire house, looking for the word 'gullible' on the ceiling. However, each room didn't have the word 'gullible' written on it. But that certainly didn't stop the two from keeping on searching.

"Finally!" Boromir said happily as he flopped down on the couch. "I got those two weirdos out of my life and now I have some peace and quiet while – "

"_I FOUND THE WORD GULLIBLE_!" Aragorn sang in his utmost opera voice.

Boromir fell out of his seat and fell hard on his bum.

As he stormed upstairs in his fury, he found Aragorn and Erestor dancing around in a circle like idiots. Above them, he noted was the word 'gullible' sprayed on the ceiling with a spray can. It also happened to be bright green.

_For the love of Valar…wasn't it just a month ago that this entire house was pink, back at Valentine's Day? And now everything is green? _Boromir thought to himself ruefully. _Arwen likes Valentine's Day and soap operas, and now Aragorn and Erestor are obsessed with the leprechaun, gold coins, and lucky things. Why am I not surprised? It must be something to do with their genes…_

"Look Charlie!" Erestor giggled. "It's gullible written on the ceiling!"

"I had _nooo_ idea."

"Yeah, I know, right?" Aragorn said brightly. "Now we're going to find the leprechaun and get us some pretty gold coins! And then spend it on peanut butter and soda."

Boromir stared at Aragorn. It was pretty hard to imagine that this man used to be the King of Gondor and a butt-kicking Ranger. But after all, Tolkien's a fat liar. No offense.

"Wait…Aragorn!" Erestor said, panicking.

"What?"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking of?"

"Peanut butter?"

"Well…yeah, that too, but the leprechaun's not here!"

Aragorn and Erestor both turned to Boromir very slowly.

"Uh, no need to look at me like that, guys!" Boromir chuckled nervously as the two advanced towards him. "Leprechaun dude should be around sometime soon!"

"Where's Gandalf's zapping staff when you need it?" Erestor asked. "We are very professional leprechaun hunters! This is EMBARASSING to our career!"

"Hang on. I thought Aragorn's job was to be a professional peanut butter and soda eater and a really bad opera singer, and your job to be an extreme superstitious elf!" Boromir pointed out.

"It's a temporary change." Aragorn told him friendly, transitioning from his very angry mode to his very cheerful-yet-dumb mode, and then back to his angry mode. "But you're a LIAH, like Tolkien!"

"Technically, it's not LIAH, as you so casually say it," Boromir said thoughtfully. "It's LIAR. Forgot the 'r' sound, right?"

On the other hand, Aragorn and Erestor didn't seem to hear his boring grammar corrections.

"NASTY FAT HUMANSES!" A voice shrieked out.

Gollum, wearing new green shorts with leprechaun hats all over them that Arwen had knitted for him early that day, was standing at the door, looking quite furious.

"You forgot elf!" Erestor added.

"Hi Smeagol!" Boromir called out weakly. "Wanna help me out here?"

The pale hobbit didn't reply, but held up two gold coins. "We are the leprechaunses!" Smeagol said happily. "And we haves two gold coinses for the donkey and the hideous singer ones!"

Aragorn and Erestor let out a loud gasp. "GOLD COINS!"

Smeagol chucked the two gold coins out the hallway and the two dove after it, leaving the room.

"Now get out of our roomses." Gollum growled. "This is our roomses!"

"Alright…" Boromir hurried out of the room, but only to return back with a baffled expression on his face. "Why is the word 'gullible' written on the ceiling?"

"Because we likes it. It proves that gullible is written on our ceiling, so whenever somebody asks, we can look up and see it on our ceiling. We think that if you say gullible very slowly, it sounds like orangeses!"

Boromir rolled his eyes, and walked out the door, only to be attacked by Merry and Pippin.

"Hiya, Boromir!" Pippin said gleefully.

"Have you got any pipeweed?" Merry asked.

"No, I don't…" Boromir said cautiously. "And it's not like pipeweed is of any importance. In fact, I have to continue watching the news now."

Merry and Pippin let out horrified gasps. Boromir smacked his forehead. He had heard one too many gasps now. "Pipeweed, Boromir! PIPEWEED! Pipeweed is important to anyone's daily life! How do you not like PIPEWEED?"

Boromir looked to the ceiling – or, metaphorically, the sky. "Thanks God, you're a pal!" He muttered under his breath.

"Poor Boromir," Merry tsked. "Doesn't see the point about PIPEWEED…"

* * *

><p>Ah, Boromir…he'll never learn, won't he? Lol…:D<p>

Don't forget to leave me a review! All are appreciated!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	18. April Fools!

Happy April Fools! *evil snicker* Sorry if this chapter might be a little too predictable…I realized that when I was editing this, but whatever.

And this is a pretty short chapter too...sorry. *sniffs*Enjoy and don't forget to review! :D

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 18:**

When I first woke up this morning, the house was all too quiet. I could hear the cars outside, the dogs barking, the birds chirping – but no Arwen screaming at Merry and Pippin, no banging of pots and pans when Shelob was cooking, no furious typing of Harry at his computer, no Aragorn and Haldir having an ultimate debate about peanut butter and candy – just nothing.

Something was definitely wrong here.

I got up, washing up and heading downstairs to the kitchen for breakfast. And…Shelob wasn't present. Neither were her little spiders.

I checked the living room, where Elrohir and Elladan were supposed to be playing their video games. No one.

The den? Nope.

The sunroom? Nope.

Outside? Nope.

Downstairs? Bedrooms? Bathrooms? Garage? Attic? _Closets_, maybe? Nope.

I rubbed my eyes. _I'm hallucinating, _I told myself. _Where did everyone go? _

As I went as far as checking each trash can and the ovens, a though suddenly occurred to me. _Maybe I was hallucinating that the LoTR characters were here after all. But I hallucinated for 6 months straight? _

I shrugged that thought off. Maybe I did. Maybe I didn't. But it was Saturday, and I was missing Spongebob. I am 25 years old, graduated and I have a job - but I still like Spongebob.

I made myself a cup of steaming coffee, Fruit Loops and settled down on the couch, turning on the TV. Elrond was supposed to be sitting next to me; reading one of his old books in elvish. Like I said before, Elrohir and Elladan were supposed to be playing video games, and Legolas and Gimli were supposed at another one of their contests.

The TV came on and I sat there, feeling awkward and even a bit lonely. _So this is life without my LoTR buddies. Pretty depressing. _

When the commercials came on, I decided to vocalize. Don't ask me why, but I do it whenever I'm alone or just bored.

"I am bored." I stated loud and clear over the commercial selling Pop Tarts.

"I'm feeling pretty lonely too."

"I wonder what Mom and Dad would say if I told them about my good buddies from Lord of the Rings. Meh, they'd put me in some institution."

I began practicing what I could say in front of my parents about my new friends. "Hi Mom. Hi Dad. Guess what? I have friends who are from Lord of the Rings! And they're not just actors; they're the REAL people…who just happen to live for 6000 years for no apparent reason and are now very modernized…and live in my house…and nobody else has this case…"

That was pathetic.

I tried again, "Hi Mom, hi Dad! Did you know that the Lord of the Rings is real and Tolkien's a liar?"

"Hi Mom, hi Dad! You guys know the Lord of the Rings, right? Well, they're real!"

"Hi Mom, hi Dad! I'm best friends with the Fellowship, elves, dwarves, wizards, hobbits, and evil guys from Lord of the Rings!"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. This was hopeless.

"Dear Lord of the Rings buddies," I tried something new. "If you can hear me right now, please show up. I'm dreadfully lonely and bored. If you are not in the house right now, then you suck. Sincerely, Dra."

I could hear crickets chirping. I sighed, and took out a piece of paper and a pencil, and wrote the numbers from 0 to 9 on the paper. Then I began again, "Dear buddies. If you can hear me right now, I want you to get Aragorn or someone to punch a hole through one of the numbers if this applies to you. If any one of you is sitting right next to me, please punch number 1. If you are laughing at how stupid I sound when I'm alone, please punch number 2. If you are not in the house, please punch number 3. If you are out shopping, which I highly doubt you all are since about 50% of you hate shopping, please punch 4. If you are doing something important and can't respond back, please punch 5. If you are just plain lazy and don't want to punch a hole, please…SHOW UP. If you can't hear me right now, please find yourself a doctor to fix your ears. If you are being stubborn, please punch 6. If you understand what I'm saying, please punch 7. If you are helping Aragorn or Haldir steal peanut butter and candy, please come home to punch 8. If you are…if you exist, please punch 9."

And…of course, no numbers were punched.

To my annoyance, I punched the numbers 1, 5, 7 and 9.

Maybe I really am hallucinating. Or maybe the Lord of the Rings peeps doesn't stay with one person forever, and just move on to someone else.

"WHERE THE HECK ARE YOU GUYS?" I finally belted out. "THIS IS NOT FUNNY!"

And that's when my ears registered the first sound that was not created by me. A squeak in the kitchen.

I was almost tripping over the carpet as I raced to the kitchen – and found one small spider and a warg puppy (more like grown-ups now) sitting on the stools. I breathed out a sigh of relief. Okay, maybe my hallucinations are still here.

The warg puppy barked, wagging its tail. I couldn't exactly remember his name, which probably wasn't too good. He looked exactly the same as his siblings…wherever they were. In his mouth was a chewed-up tennis ball as he offered it to me. I took it gingerly, remembering to wash my hands of all its dog slobber. With a grunt, I chucked it out the open window.

Of course, that was a pretty bad idea because the puppy was bounding over the sink and almost knocking over a plate of dishes that needed to be washed and through the window. I chased after the puppy, through the back door, and found Haldir and Glorfindel swimming in a kiddie pool, who didn't notice me approach them.

More like splashing around pointlessly, but you get what I mean.

"Hi guys!" I exclaimed. "God, where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you!"

The two elves looked at me strangely, and for some reason, reassured. "What are you talking about?" Haldir asked.

"You mean we were looking for YOU." Glorfindel said.

"Wait – but – you –" I was officially confused. "Nobody was in the house when I woke up! And I went on a scavenger hunt everywhere, but you were nowhere!"

"Actually, it was the other way around." Glorfindel pointed out. "Arwen thought you slept late, so she went upstairs to check on you. Except you weren't in bed, and then she kinda went crazy and now everyone's on a quest to find you."

I stared at him. "How is that possible?"

Haldir shrugged. "I don't know. But all I know is that the former Fellowship is now tramping around the neighborhood, the Rohan and Gondor have teamed up to trek the forest, and for the first time in 6000 years I'm starting to feel genuinely bad for Gollum since Arwen's practically making him in charge of searching the closets, attic, garage, and even the trash cans. Except I'm not sure how you could fit in there."

"That is so…" I trailed of, but I didn't get to finish my sentence as I heard a full-fledged shriek of "DRA!"

I turned to Arwen gleefully flinging her arms around me with her elven strength and crushing just about every bone I have. Enough said - you can imagine the damage.

"That's really not necessary!" I mumbled through her hair, but she didn't notice. Behind her, Saruman and Gandalf were standing nearby, looking amused.

"Oh, DRA, I've been looking all over for you! Where have you been? You weren't in bed! I was so worried for you!" She began to gush out all of her thoughts and feelings, right from 7 AM in the morning until now, which was probably around 10 AM. Gee, it was only three hours!

"Wait," I pulled away from her, "Let's get this clear. You didn't see me in bed, right? But I didn't see you either. In fact, I didn't see anyone until about ten minutes ago. So…what the heck is going on here?"

Saruman whispered something aloud, but Gandalf elbowed him.

"Oh, hi Saruman! Hi Gandalf!" I said, looking over Arwen's shoulder.

"Good morning Dra." Gandalf said brightly. "Nice to see that you're back."

Saruman sniggered, earning a glare from Gandalf.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"It's nothing." Gandalf said quickly. "_Right, _Saruman?"

The other wizard giggled, which heightened my suspicion.

"What's so funny?" Arwen also turned to look.

"Nothing!" Gandalf said. Then, lowering his voice to a barely audible whisper, he told Saruman, "DON'T tell them! Keep your mouth shut, will you?"

But Saruman isn't exactly the most sincere wizard in the world. He burst out laughing. "HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!" He cheered. "IT'S ALL A JOKE! Me and Gandalf created a spell that would keep both us Lord of the Rings characters and Dra invisible! We were trying to get Arwen all mad and stuff because it's wicked funny and Dra…well, it was just a joke on Dra too. Wasn't that so fun? We have GOT to do that again next year!"

Gandalf smacked his face. "Saruman, you retard! Are you high or what?"

"No, I'm serious Gandalf, we HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN!"

"That is…" Gandalf gulped. "If Arwen doesn't beat our brains out…"

* * *

><p>And thus concludes our special chapter for April Fools' Day! Woot woot!<p>

Hope you liked it! Or, if you didn't, you can suggest some stuff. :D

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	19. Hell Broke Loose on FFN

Let's see if you can decipher the MORAL of this chapter…XD

Enjoy and don't forget to review! :D

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 19: **

After getting a cup of tea for Haldir and Elrond, I found Gimli kneeling over on the ground in a fascinating shade of chartreuse. He looked like he was going to puke right then and there. "Hey, are you okay?" I asked him.

He looked up, before running…or waddling, if you will, to the bathroom and threw up.

Apparently not.

"Ouch, what happened to him?" I asked, giving the tea to Haldir and Elrond.

He didn't give me a completely helpful answer, but pointed at Merry and Pippin who were sniggering at the computer screen on the other couch, next to Sam and Frodo.

"What are you guys doing?" I stared at the four hobbits, walking over and reading over their shoulder. Then, realization struck me as I saw what website they were on. I didn't need to read what was on the page, but I could guess what was going to happen today.

Gimli came back from the bathroom, looking sick, and then sat down on the ground, who was followed by Aragorn, Elladan, and Elrohir. "It's the end of the world!" He whimpered. "So many slashes in …not that it's a bad thing, though."

"But still," Haldir said thoughtfully. "I can't imagine what this house would be like if Legolas and Gimli were together…"

Gimli ran off to puke some more, as Legolas came back looking paler than usual as well.

"Aragorn and Elrond."

The distance between Aragorn and Elrond widened considerably.

"Elladan and Elrohir."

"THE APOCALYPSE!" Elladan shrieked, flopping behind the chair and covering his head.

"Sam and Frodo."

Frodo let out a "Meep!" of fear, and joined Elladan in a matter of .5 seconds.

"And of course…don't forget the Legolas and the – "

Everybody let out a dramatic gasp. It was quite annoying, but funny in a way. "Should I say it?" Haldir whispered, like it was a swear word. And in fact, it kind of was. Especially to the community, where it was widely hated and despised.

Nobody answered him, so he decided to say it. "The…_Mary-Sue._"

Cue the gasp.

"GASP!" Gimli actually said aloud.

"Who does the Mary-Sue drool over this time?" Aragorn whispered, at Merry and Pippin who were still reading avidly.

"Uh…Legolas."

Legolas practically tipped over forwards and fell on his face.

"That's terrible." Sam crawled to the elf's side and patted him on the back.

"But at least it's not me!" Gimli crowed. "LET'S PAR-TAY!"

"Well, I can always find a story with you and Legolas together." Merry offered, ready to search for more slash stories.

Gimli let out a prolonged "NOOOOO!" and flung himself at the computer, but fell short about a foot away.

"Fail." Pippin said flatly, and poked him with his hairy feet.

"But still!" Elrohir spoke up. "The Mary-Sue is – "

"GASP!"

"On the run on FNN!" He finished.

"Help…" Legolas squeaked feebly. "How are we going to get her?"

Everyone thought for a while. Then, Elrond had an idea.

"Let's do the Council of Elrond all over again!" He said. "We can start it now. Let's just get everybody into the living room to listen, and then pick nine people to join the Fellowship of the Anti-Mary-Sue."

Later, everyone crammed and sat on top of each to squeeze into the room. It was a disaster.

But Elrond didn't seem to mind. "Buddies from Dra's house, friends of really old…you have been summoned here to answer the threat of the Mary-Sue."

"GASP!"

"FFN stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate…this one doom." Elrond gestured to a table. "Bring forth the computer, Pippin."

"Well, technically, it's my computer." Merry pointed out. "Shouldn't I bring it forward?"

"Shh!" Pippin said. "You're ruining the moment!"

"Okay, fine, whatever." Merry let Pippin place the computer on the table.

"It's a friggin' computer." Wormtongue said, staring at it.

"Yeah!" Merry said. "Apple, too!"

"Ooh!" Wormtongue was impressed. "I want one!"

"Let me finish!" Elrond told him.

"But it's gonna take forever!" Wormtongue protested.

Elrond sighed. "Okay, fine. Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada…skip the entire part when we all argue about who should butcher the Mary-Sue – "

"GASP!"

"And blah, blah, blah…who wants to butcher the Mary-Sue?"

"GASP!"

"Meeee!" Gollum jumped up and down. "We will kill the Mary-Sue –"

"GASP!"

"And make bubblegum out of her tongue!"

"Um." Arwen said. "Okay. You do that."

There was a knock on the backdoor. "I'll get it!" Glorfindel said, and ran off. We all waited for him to return, and when he did, he was seriously too happy. "GUYS! IT'S TREEBEARD!"

"TREEEEEBEARD!" Merry and Pippin squealed, dashing out of the room. Within five minutes, we had another visitor who may have sat on top of Eomer. Ah, poor Eomer. He was a great conquistador of the comfy chair, but turns out that Treebeard, tall, ancient and kinda dumb, was oblivious and sat right on top of him. That gotta hurt.

"Whaaat…are we…discussing?" Treebeard asked slowly.

"The Mary-Sue problem." Elrond answered. He tried to ignore the obnoxious "GASP!" from Gimli. "It's all over FFN and hopefully it's not spreading anywhere else."

"Actually, I think it is spreading!" Faramir said. "You guys ever took the time to read Twilight?"

"No."

"Obviously not."

"No way."

"Ew."

"I think Kristen Stewart is really hot." Aragorn said cheerfully. Arwen smacked his arm.

"Who…is…Kristen…Stewart?" Treebeard asked. Apparently Ents don't really take the time to learn celebrities. But I don't blame them. I don't think that they want to learn of Rebecca Black or the Kardashians any time soon.

Elrond rubbed his temples. "ANYways, let's go back to the Mary-Sue problem."

"GASP!"

Gollum, who was now our representing figurehead of the Fellowship of the Anti-Mary-Sue like Frodo was before, stood on the table. "Join us!" He kept yelling enthusiastically. "We butcher Mary-Sue with a fish!"

"GASP!"

"Fish?" Treebeard asked.

"Yes, fishes are our favorite food!" Gollum said. "You can eat them and butcher people with yummy, slimy fishes!"

"Ohh…" Treebeard said. "Like Nemo?"

"I like Nemo!" Theoden piped up.

"Who doesn't like Nemo, Dad?" Eowyn asked.

"I like Dory better." Boromir said.

"Nah, Nemo!" Eowyn persisted.

"Dory!"

"Nemo!"

"Dory!"

"Nemo!"

"Dory!"

"Hey, can we get going with the Mary-Sue thing…?" Elrond asked.

"GASP!"

"Oh boy…"

* * *

><p>It was decided. The Fellowship of the Anti-Mary-Sue, which has renamed to G.A.S.P., consisted of Gollum, Haldir, Wormtongue, Eowyn, Gimli, Elladan, Elrohir, Aragorn and…<p>

Yes, Treebeard. I can only _imagine _what was going to happen.

G.A.S.P. stood for **G**o **a**nd **S**laughter **P**erfectionists. It wasn't quite the name that Elrond would've agreed to, but by this time everyone had changed from Kristen Stewart to Nemo and Dory to Team Jacob and Team Edward and then to Team Peeta and Team Gale and wasn't listening to him anymore. I believe the Council of Elrond had turned into the Council of Gollum's Fishessssss.

In the end, G.A.S.P. had several plans to stop the Mary-Sue from expanding. ("GASP!" Gimli would go)

(Now would be the best time to cue the Mission Impossible theme song)

They decided to set up camp in FFN as several casual authors who had no connection to each other to start it off. G.A.S.P. was attempting to track down every single Mary-Sue and record their every move. Call them stalkers, but Gollum insisted that they do it for every writer's sake. My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie was the first on the list, by the way.

They would review the stories that needed desperate help. But it was only Day 1 of tracking and reviewing so not much has come out of it yet.

YET.

"WE ARE DESTROYING THE MARY-SUES!" Haldir shouted happily. "EPICLY!"

"GASP!"

"Honestly Gimli," Treebeard mused, "if I didn't know better, do you have OCD to say GASP?"

* * *

><p>Hmmm…<p>

Anyone want to join G.A.S.P.? Feel free to email me and sign up!

No, just kidding. But G.A.S.P. is potential…XD

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


	20. PLEASE NO MORE SINGING!

So sorry I haven't been updating! I'm not slacking off…just…school…and homework…*falls asleep* BUT NEVER FEAR, I HAVE NOT ABANDONED YOU PEEPS YET!

Enjoy and don't forget to review! :D

**_Concerning G.A.S.P._** – Okay, first of all, if you still want to join, there's still time, and I'll be accepting them even when G.A.S.P. is officially created. Second of all, huge thank you to all of you peeps who want to join. G.A.S.P. will be in the forums section. I'll send everyone who asked permission to join an email when I create it so you can all check it out, kay? Cool. Rules and instructions will be found on the forum. Or in the email. It'll depend on how it goes. Any questions, just email me. :)

~littledragoneyes

**Chapter 20: **

"BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE – " Aragorn belted out during breakfast.

"I will throw this cereal at your face." Eomer threatened.

"THE WAY THAT YOU FLIP – " Aragorn did an impressive hair flip, "YOUR HAIR GETS ME OVERWHELMED – "

"Oh please, not One Direction…" Faramir backed out of the room. "I'm going back to bed."

"BUT WHEN YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND IT AIN'T HARD TO TELL – "

Boromir came in, blocking Faramir's way and resulting in pushing his younger brother back into the kitchen, plopping him in a seat.

"YOU DON'T KNOW, OH OH, YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!"

"I hate One Direction." Faramir said sulkily as Shelob slid scrambled eggs onto his plate.

"I love One Direction!" Aragorn said.

"They're a bit like Justin Bieber." Boromir said. He didn't have anything against the British boy band, though.

"I love Justin Bieber too!" Aragorn chirped.

"You love everything!" Eomer scoffed. "Peanut butter, soda, now you're a fangirling Belieber AND Directioner! Blegh!"

"I think they're kinda cute." Eowyn said, walking in for more coffee.

"Well, that's you!" Eomer said stubbornly. "You like anyone who's good-looking and have accents."

Eowyn blew a raspberry. "I do not!"

"Uh-huh you do. I've seen you drool over them."

"You drool in your sleep!"

"I do not!" Eomer snapped.

"You drool! I've seen it!"

"No I don't!"

"Yeah you do!"

"No I don't!"

"Yeah you do!"

"No I don't!"

"Yeah you do!"

"Rohan certainly never gets bored," Boromir commented, watching the two siblings bicker. "Does it?"

"Oh no…no it doesn't…" Faramir said. "Never…ever…"

Aragorn, seeing that he had lost all his attention and his audience that he gained only two minutes ago, switched to another song.

"STARSHIPS, WE'RE MEANT TO FLYYYYY – "

Eomer literally dunked his head in his bowl of cereal.

"HANDS UP AND TOUCH THE SKYYYYY – "

"Is that Nicki Minaj?" Saruman poked his head into the kitchen.

"Mm-hmm." Faramir said.

"Yep." Boromir said.

"Yeah." Eowyn said.

"Unfortunately." Eomer mumbled.

"Okay!" Saruman pulled his head back out of the kitchen and continued on to wherever he was going.

"That was weird." Boromir remarked.

"Come ON Eomer, what do you have against these singers?" Eowyn snapped. "They're not entirely bad, you know!"

"What do you mean?" Eomer's head was still in the bowl of cereal. "They're _terrible_! Nicki Minaj, One Direction, Justin Bieber, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera, Taylor Swift – "

Eowyn smacked Eomer.

"OW! What the heck was that for?"

"I can tolerate all the other ones, but TAYLOR SWIFT – TAYLOR SWIFT IS THE BEST!"

Eomer raised his head, pieces of Frosted Flakes dripping from his face.

"Ew, you look disgusting." Eowyn wrinkled her nose.

"Taylor Swift sings the same songs every time."

"SHE DOES NOT! And she sang songs for the Hunger Games!"

"The Hunger Games are boring."

"You're boring!"

"DROP EVERYTHING NOW, MEET ME IN THE POURING RAIN – "

"Look, you got Aragorn singing her songs now!" Eomer said, throwing his hands up in the air. "Good job!"

"Would you like me to change?" Aragorn stopped singing.

"YES!" Eomer roared.

"NO!" Eowyn shrieked.

"You guys are hurting my ears." Faramir said and buried his head in his arms.

"IF I WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND, NEVER LET YOU GO – "

"And this is Justin Bieber, I believe." Boromir piped in.

Eomer plunked his head back into the cereal bowl, moaning.

"KEEP YOU ON MY ARM GIRL, YOU'D NEVER BE ALONE. I CAN BE A GENTLEMAN, ANYTHING YOU WANT, IF I WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND, I'D NEVER LET YOU GO, I'D NEVER LET YOU GO…"

"See, there's nothing _wrong _with Justin Bieber!" Eowyn said enthusiastically.

"Everything's wrong with him! I don't like him!" Eomer tried to shake his head, but ended up slopping cereal everywhere on the table. "Urgh…got cereal up my nose…"

"Oh gross." Eowyn muttered. "Go wash up then!"

Eomer proceeded to the bathroom, stumbling blindly along the way, but managed to get through Pippin and Merry trying to get Gandalf into giving them more pipeweed, Haldir stealing candy from Glorfindel and teenage wargs playing fetch with Theoden.

Then that was when he realized that he couldn't get the bowl off his face.

He cursed.

"Did you just swear?" Wormtongue looked in. He tsked, "Naughty, naughty Eomer…"

"Is that you Wormtongue?"

"Uh-huh. You got a bowl stuck on your face."

"I had nooo idea." Eomer said sarcastically. "Can you help me get it off?"

"Say the magic word..." Wormtongue grinned.

"Please!"

"WRONG!" Wormtongue crowed. "Try again, LOSER!"

"Help!"

"Nope!"

"NO ME GUSTA WORMTONGUE!"

"Hey!"

"TACOS!" Eomer gave up.

"Ehh…yeah, I'll take that."

* * *

><p>So...G.A.S.P. will be up in the <em><strong>FORUMS<strong>_ a few right after I post this, and I will be sending you all emails! That is, if you read this chapter after I sent you the email. :)

Join away!

Cheers,

littledragoneyes


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